walls were moving in, crushing me. I clawed at my throat, feeling skin give beneath my nails, the physical pain shocking me into the realization that I had to get somewhere private. I tried to stand and couldn’t get my legs to work. Sobs wracked my chest and I crawled, part of my mind desperately hoping no one came along.
Arms came around me. “Hey, shh, it’s going to be okay, Jarana. Try to breathe.”
“No,” I moaned, trying to crawl faster, trying to dislodge them. I thought it was Kei, that he’d followed me. Kei, who thought I could have children, a medic who couldn’t see past the apparently healthy body to the living nightmare inside me. Children? What a joke. No child deserved a mother like me. One who had slit a man’s throat and watched his blood pool into the floor of his own spaceship, one who had turned an entire ship of people over to the worst prison in the galaxies, knowing some could have been innocent.
I blindly struck out, my fist connecting to someone’s flesh with a loud smack. The arms disappeared. Stronger ones replaced them.
“Hell, run and get Kei so he can knock her out!”
Part of me heard Lux, but my mind was bombarded with memories of Gwinlan and Selena, my sisters, and Lanna, Borkan, Galan…and Naanlee, oh gods, my Naanlee…my mother. Peeling hands off me, I snarled and pulled away, curling back up and pressing my palms to my head to hold in the screams. “All dead. All dead. All dead.” The words escaped my mouth no matter how hard I tried to hold them in.
Loud footsteps pounded and stopped beside me. I rolled onto my stomach and started crawling again. I had to get home. I remembered I didn’t have a home just as something touched my neck. I heard a whooshing sound and then nothing at all.
Someone was stroking my hair. I didn’t make a sound, didn’t twitch, and didn’t do anything to let the person know I was awake.
“She never dealt with it. No wonder.”
Recognizing Egan’s voice, I held still because I couldn’t remember how I got here. There was a knot of panic or, no, something else in my chest. I didn’t recognize it—it felt hard and so painful, it captured most of my attention. There was enough left to let me know it wasn’t Egan touching me. His voice was too far away.
“Gods, my heart hurts so much right now. Shit.”
That was Lux. Foul-mouthed as always. In college, I’d put my mouth on those luscious lips of hers to shut her up. She had an overbite that made her self-conscious. She didn’t think anyone realized it did, but I’d seen it right off and had been shocked because all that lush upper lip made me think about was sex.
Lux wasn’t the one stroking my hair either because her voice sounded like it came from the same place Egan’s had. My forehead wrinkled with the frown I couldn’t hold back. I didn’t want Kei touching me.
Kei, who talked of Gwinarian children, who’d looked at me like I could provide them.
“She’s waking.”
That voice, close enough to send breath over my cheek, forced my eyes open because it wasn’t Kei. My gaze locked with Maska’s. He was stroking my hair? Compassion softened his beautiful, masculine features. Compassion I didn’t deserve. I pulled back and his hand dropped, his expression going closed in a heartbeat.
Something beeped by my head, and I looked at the wireless monitor that ran my vitals continuously. I was in the med pod. Sudden humiliation swamped me when I remembered the very public breakdown. Groaning softly, I shut my eyes. “You can all go away now. The crazy woman is under control.”
“Shut up, Jarana,” Lux snapped. “Crazy is the last thing you are. Hell, woman, did you ever deal with what happened?”
“That’s none of your business.”
I heard rustling, and in the next instant, she was leaning over the bed, touching my face. “Look at me.”
A tiny smile wormed its way past the humiliation. “You know better than to order me around.” But I opened my
Arms came around me. “Hey, shh, it’s going to be okay, Jarana. Try to breathe.”
“No,” I moaned, trying to crawl faster, trying to dislodge them. I thought it was Kei, that he’d followed me. Kei, who thought I could have children, a medic who couldn’t see past the apparently healthy body to the living nightmare inside me. Children? What a joke. No child deserved a mother like me. One who had slit a man’s throat and watched his blood pool into the floor of his own spaceship, one who had turned an entire ship of people over to the worst prison in the galaxies, knowing some could have been innocent.
I blindly struck out, my fist connecting to someone’s flesh with a loud smack. The arms disappeared. Stronger ones replaced them.
“Hell, run and get Kei so he can knock her out!”
Part of me heard Lux, but my mind was bombarded with memories of Gwinlan and Selena, my sisters, and Lanna, Borkan, Galan…and Naanlee, oh gods, my Naanlee…my mother. Peeling hands off me, I snarled and pulled away, curling back up and pressing my palms to my head to hold in the screams. “All dead. All dead. All dead.” The words escaped my mouth no matter how hard I tried to hold them in.
Loud footsteps pounded and stopped beside me. I rolled onto my stomach and started crawling again. I had to get home. I remembered I didn’t have a home just as something touched my neck. I heard a whooshing sound and then nothing at all.
Someone was stroking my hair. I didn’t make a sound, didn’t twitch, and didn’t do anything to let the person know I was awake.
“She never dealt with it. No wonder.”
Recognizing Egan’s voice, I held still because I couldn’t remember how I got here. There was a knot of panic or, no, something else in my chest. I didn’t recognize it—it felt hard and so painful, it captured most of my attention. There was enough left to let me know it wasn’t Egan touching me. His voice was too far away.
“Gods, my heart hurts so much right now. Shit.”
That was Lux. Foul-mouthed as always. In college, I’d put my mouth on those luscious lips of hers to shut her up. She had an overbite that made her self-conscious. She didn’t think anyone realized it did, but I’d seen it right off and had been shocked because all that lush upper lip made me think about was sex.
Lux wasn’t the one stroking my hair either because her voice sounded like it came from the same place Egan’s had. My forehead wrinkled with the frown I couldn’t hold back. I didn’t want Kei touching me.
Kei, who talked of Gwinarian children, who’d looked at me like I could provide them.
“She’s waking.”
That voice, close enough to send breath over my cheek, forced my eyes open because it wasn’t Kei. My gaze locked with Maska’s. He was stroking my hair? Compassion softened his beautiful, masculine features. Compassion I didn’t deserve. I pulled back and his hand dropped, his expression going closed in a heartbeat.
Something beeped by my head, and I looked at the wireless monitor that ran my vitals continuously. I was in the med pod. Sudden humiliation swamped me when I remembered the very public breakdown. Groaning softly, I shut my eyes. “You can all go away now. The crazy woman is under control.”
“Shut up, Jarana,” Lux snapped. “Crazy is the last thing you are. Hell, woman, did you ever deal with what happened?”
“That’s none of your business.”
I heard rustling, and in the next instant, she was leaning over the bed, touching my face. “Look at me.”
A tiny smile wormed its way past the humiliation. “You know better than to order me around.” But I opened my
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