lately.
My heart slams into my chest while I think of a response. This isn’t the time, and it surely isn’t the way to tell Tessa why I’ve been hesitant.
Me: I know, I’m sorry. Just going through some shit. I promise when I get back, we’ll go have coffee and talk about everything. Just know I’m sorry and I love you.
Tess: <3 you too, Jo. Give your mama love from me. And call if you need anything.
Me: Will do.
No sooner do I sit my phone down, Mom stirs from her sleep.
“Hey, I love watching this show. Come sit with me, Joey.”
I rest my butt along the armrest, and Mom lays her head against my shoulder.
Joey is a nickname that only my immediate family calls me; while some may think it’s childish, I love it. I’ve been Joey since I was born.
“So,” she pats my thigh, “did you ever work everything out with J.C.?”
I roll my eyes, knowing she can’t see me.
“Not yet. J.C. is deployed. Communication is damn near impossible when you’re on a boat.”
“But it is possible.”
“Yeah but—”
“No excuses, you need to talk to that boy. Fix your relationship.”
“We don’t have a relationship, Mom. It was casual, friendly, and carefree fun.”
We sit in silence as another competitor receives their scores; twenty-seven out of thirty.
“It may have started as casual, but I know you care about him, so stop running from your fears and talk to the boy,” Mom says out of nowhere.
I don’t have it in me to argue with her anymore tonight. Shaking my head, I tell her, “I love you, Mom.”
She takes a deep breath. “I love you, too.”
“Do you want me to help you get to bed?”
“Yeah, you better. I’m getting tired and I need to take a pain pill.”
Fifteen minutes later, Mom is settled in bed already dozing off again thanks to the medication. And I’m left once again to my thoughts.
Refusing to fall into the slump of depression again, I get into my own bed and fall asleep quickly.
J.C.
I should have called.
What would that have done though, honestly? Jo never reached out to me while I was deployed; making it blatantly obvious that she’s still upset with me.
Who could blame her though? I acted like a complete jackass all those months ago. She needed me, needed my support. And did I give it to her? No, I treated her like shit; blamed her for something that wasn’t her fault.
Thank God I don’t have long to contemplate backing out of this plan. My flight number echoes over the PA system.
I glance around the seating area as I make my way to the attendant at the terminal. Doesn’t look like we’ll have a full flight on this leg of the trip. I silently hope the flight from Atlanta to California is the same.
The petite attendant takes my ticket with a sly smile. I look her over and scan her nametag; Jeanette . A year ago, I wouldn’t have thought twice about getting Ms. Jeanette ’s number or even dragging her into the closest bathroom and fucking her or allowing her to suck my cock, but the thought doesn’t cross my mind now.
I’m taken. The woman who owns me may not claim me yet, or even know that she holds my heart, but that doesn’t deter my feelings. I’ve never felt the need to be there for someone like I do with Jo.
Knowing she’s been dealing with hit after hit on her own kills me. It’s time to make amends for that now though. Once I convince her to give us a real chance, I will never let her feel alone like that again.
Reed and Tegan gave me a quick rundown yesterday at lunch, but I’m still in the dark with a lot of what’s going on. All I really know is Jo did eventually, with a firm push from Reed and Miller, seek counseling from the Chaplain. And when she was finally getting back to the old Jo, she got the call that her mom’s cancer is getting worse.
I have no idea just how bad her mom is or how much her cancer has progressed; I just know I need to be there.
The entire flight from Norfolk to Atlanta is spent going over every possible
My heart slams into my chest while I think of a response. This isn’t the time, and it surely isn’t the way to tell Tessa why I’ve been hesitant.
Me: I know, I’m sorry. Just going through some shit. I promise when I get back, we’ll go have coffee and talk about everything. Just know I’m sorry and I love you.
Tess: <3 you too, Jo. Give your mama love from me. And call if you need anything.
Me: Will do.
No sooner do I sit my phone down, Mom stirs from her sleep.
“Hey, I love watching this show. Come sit with me, Joey.”
I rest my butt along the armrest, and Mom lays her head against my shoulder.
Joey is a nickname that only my immediate family calls me; while some may think it’s childish, I love it. I’ve been Joey since I was born.
“So,” she pats my thigh, “did you ever work everything out with J.C.?”
I roll my eyes, knowing she can’t see me.
“Not yet. J.C. is deployed. Communication is damn near impossible when you’re on a boat.”
“But it is possible.”
“Yeah but—”
“No excuses, you need to talk to that boy. Fix your relationship.”
“We don’t have a relationship, Mom. It was casual, friendly, and carefree fun.”
We sit in silence as another competitor receives their scores; twenty-seven out of thirty.
“It may have started as casual, but I know you care about him, so stop running from your fears and talk to the boy,” Mom says out of nowhere.
I don’t have it in me to argue with her anymore tonight. Shaking my head, I tell her, “I love you, Mom.”
She takes a deep breath. “I love you, too.”
“Do you want me to help you get to bed?”
“Yeah, you better. I’m getting tired and I need to take a pain pill.”
Fifteen minutes later, Mom is settled in bed already dozing off again thanks to the medication. And I’m left once again to my thoughts.
Refusing to fall into the slump of depression again, I get into my own bed and fall asleep quickly.
J.C.
I should have called.
What would that have done though, honestly? Jo never reached out to me while I was deployed; making it blatantly obvious that she’s still upset with me.
Who could blame her though? I acted like a complete jackass all those months ago. She needed me, needed my support. And did I give it to her? No, I treated her like shit; blamed her for something that wasn’t her fault.
Thank God I don’t have long to contemplate backing out of this plan. My flight number echoes over the PA system.
I glance around the seating area as I make my way to the attendant at the terminal. Doesn’t look like we’ll have a full flight on this leg of the trip. I silently hope the flight from Atlanta to California is the same.
The petite attendant takes my ticket with a sly smile. I look her over and scan her nametag; Jeanette . A year ago, I wouldn’t have thought twice about getting Ms. Jeanette ’s number or even dragging her into the closest bathroom and fucking her or allowing her to suck my cock, but the thought doesn’t cross my mind now.
I’m taken. The woman who owns me may not claim me yet, or even know that she holds my heart, but that doesn’t deter my feelings. I’ve never felt the need to be there for someone like I do with Jo.
Knowing she’s been dealing with hit after hit on her own kills me. It’s time to make amends for that now though. Once I convince her to give us a real chance, I will never let her feel alone like that again.
Reed and Tegan gave me a quick rundown yesterday at lunch, but I’m still in the dark with a lot of what’s going on. All I really know is Jo did eventually, with a firm push from Reed and Miller, seek counseling from the Chaplain. And when she was finally getting back to the old Jo, she got the call that her mom’s cancer is getting worse.
I have no idea just how bad her mom is or how much her cancer has progressed; I just know I need to be there.
The entire flight from Norfolk to Atlanta is spent going over every possible
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