to get him out of the burning cafetorium. He returned the favor (sort of) by rescuing one of the kids who had worked so hard to make my life miserable. But what that kid was unable to do in a year, Mexico had done in just a few hours.
Why did I ever agree to come? And why hadn’t I done more to keep Tread out of dog jail? Various escape fantasies ran through my head, most starting with distraction (pretty easy when you can easily sever your own limbs) and ending with a heroic dash into the desert where we would meet friendly English-speaking guides happy to escort us home.
As I refined the one where I hurled my arm like a boomerang, knocking out a row of guards, my pocket buzzed.
I took out my phone and did the impossible. I smiled, seeing the name on the screen.
“Hey, Anna,” I said, masking my mood to the best of my abilities.
“Jed, what’s wrong?” she said across the miles.
“Either you are really good at reading me, or I totally suck at hiding how I’m feeling right now.”
“I’d love to say it’s the first, but Luke called me. Said you guys were facing some tough times with Tread.”
Just when I thought my best two-legged friend cared more about French fries than just about anything else, Luke actually did something sympathetic and caring. Pretty cool, even if he must have been abducted by aliens and replaced with a double who expressed emotions and needs not limited to hunger.
“The customs agents confiscated him,” I said. “Seems they frown on beasts known to eat goats, suck souls, and steal children.”
“But Tread eats kibble, sucks at staying in one piece, and steals hearts. Mine, at least.”
That last part was the sweetest thing I’d heard in a long time. Anna always knew the right thing to say, even if I was too much of a guy sometimes to admit it.
“So he’s in prison while we try to figure out what we need to do to get him out,” I said. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“Start by telling me what happened,” Anna said. “Don’t leave anything out.”
I filled her in, from the moment the officer spotted Tread to the conversation we’d had with Officer Aguilera. “And we had to wait in this room that smelled like the boys’ locker room for almost two hours. Cruel and inhumane, if you ask me.”
“That does seem like a long time. Maybe they were just backed up.”
“Or they were checking out Tread, thinking maybe he wasn’t a chupacabra. Tread didn’t help at all by losing his tail.”
“Possibly, but Jed, no way they’re going to figure out his real condition?”
“Condition?” I said, an edge to my voice. The C-word always set me off, because zombie-ness was the heart and soul of who I was. It was not a “condition.”
“Not what I meant and you know it,” Anna said. “I used the word as a shortcut, but should have known better. Sorry.”
“No worries. Sorry for the short fuse.”
“If you lost your limbs as often as your temper over that word, we’d need a wagon to take you anywhere.”
“Just as long as I don’t lose my head, right?”
“Exactly. And you’re the only guy I know where it literally could happen.”
“Don’t think I haven’t thought of that,” I said, smiling again. It felt good.
“Jed, this will work itself out somehow, I just know it. You need to hang in there.”
The sound of footsteps drew my gaze to the left. A shadow approached, becoming clearer as it entered the light. Cowboy boots. Jeans. A belt buckle that shone as if under a spotlight.
“Anna, it’s getting late, I’ve got to go. Thanks for calling, I really appreciate it.”
“Jed, remember, this too shall pass, OK? Take care of yourself.”
I hung up before too many feelings showed through, focusing on the man who didn’t seem to be out for a casual stroll on a very warm evening.
The light revealed a plaid shirt and Stetson, fitting every known cowboy stereotype but one.
“Howdy, podner,” he said, completing the stereotype. “Mind if
Why did I ever agree to come? And why hadn’t I done more to keep Tread out of dog jail? Various escape fantasies ran through my head, most starting with distraction (pretty easy when you can easily sever your own limbs) and ending with a heroic dash into the desert where we would meet friendly English-speaking guides happy to escort us home.
As I refined the one where I hurled my arm like a boomerang, knocking out a row of guards, my pocket buzzed.
I took out my phone and did the impossible. I smiled, seeing the name on the screen.
“Hey, Anna,” I said, masking my mood to the best of my abilities.
“Jed, what’s wrong?” she said across the miles.
“Either you are really good at reading me, or I totally suck at hiding how I’m feeling right now.”
“I’d love to say it’s the first, but Luke called me. Said you guys were facing some tough times with Tread.”
Just when I thought my best two-legged friend cared more about French fries than just about anything else, Luke actually did something sympathetic and caring. Pretty cool, even if he must have been abducted by aliens and replaced with a double who expressed emotions and needs not limited to hunger.
“The customs agents confiscated him,” I said. “Seems they frown on beasts known to eat goats, suck souls, and steal children.”
“But Tread eats kibble, sucks at staying in one piece, and steals hearts. Mine, at least.”
That last part was the sweetest thing I’d heard in a long time. Anna always knew the right thing to say, even if I was too much of a guy sometimes to admit it.
“So he’s in prison while we try to figure out what we need to do to get him out,” I said. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“Start by telling me what happened,” Anna said. “Don’t leave anything out.”
I filled her in, from the moment the officer spotted Tread to the conversation we’d had with Officer Aguilera. “And we had to wait in this room that smelled like the boys’ locker room for almost two hours. Cruel and inhumane, if you ask me.”
“That does seem like a long time. Maybe they were just backed up.”
“Or they were checking out Tread, thinking maybe he wasn’t a chupacabra. Tread didn’t help at all by losing his tail.”
“Possibly, but Jed, no way they’re going to figure out his real condition?”
“Condition?” I said, an edge to my voice. The C-word always set me off, because zombie-ness was the heart and soul of who I was. It was not a “condition.”
“Not what I meant and you know it,” Anna said. “I used the word as a shortcut, but should have known better. Sorry.”
“No worries. Sorry for the short fuse.”
“If you lost your limbs as often as your temper over that word, we’d need a wagon to take you anywhere.”
“Just as long as I don’t lose my head, right?”
“Exactly. And you’re the only guy I know where it literally could happen.”
“Don’t think I haven’t thought of that,” I said, smiling again. It felt good.
“Jed, this will work itself out somehow, I just know it. You need to hang in there.”
The sound of footsteps drew my gaze to the left. A shadow approached, becoming clearer as it entered the light. Cowboy boots. Jeans. A belt buckle that shone as if under a spotlight.
“Anna, it’s getting late, I’ve got to go. Thanks for calling, I really appreciate it.”
“Jed, remember, this too shall pass, OK? Take care of yourself.”
I hung up before too many feelings showed through, focusing on the man who didn’t seem to be out for a casual stroll on a very warm evening.
The light revealed a plaid shirt and Stetson, fitting every known cowboy stereotype but one.
“Howdy, podner,” he said, completing the stereotype. “Mind if
Similar Books
