are entitled to their privacy, Shanna. Everybody, including Shanna Brooks, who was made assistant head of family practice only days before she left. Or, as the hospital’s public statement put it, went on an extended personal leave for rest and relaxation before assuming her next level of duties. The thing is, I figured if you wanted me to know who you were, you’d tell me. You didn’t, so I didn’t see any point in worrying about it.”
“We had a difference of opinion—my grandfather and I. Over a patient’s treatment. As a result, I realized I had some thinking to do, and I couldn’t do it and still continue to work.”
“Did you go against the status quo?”
“Tried to. At the time I didn’t even realize that’s what I was doing. My patient was in end-stage renal disease, I put her on the transplant list. My grandfather took her off because she was older than the hospital protocol called for. I argued, he won, she died.”
Ben whistled softly. “I’m sorry. It’s always tough when you can’t do anything.”
“It’s even tougher, Ben, when you’re part-owner of a family business and the family turns against you.”
“You took it personally?”
“Yes, I did. Very personally. I should have been able to save my patient. Her family expected that of me, I expected that of me.” She shut her eyes, trying to blot that day from her memory—the day she’d told Elsa the bad news. Heart on her sleeve all the way, and she didn’t care. Alone in her office afterward, she’d cried, kicked the trash can. Been called weak by her grandfather. Do you think you’re going to survive in this profession, Shanna, if you’re weak?
Weak. That one, single word had forced her decision. “It’s like there’s always been this undertow, something churning underneath the surface waiting to pull me under. I always fight hard against it. I was fighting hard against it for my patient, but...” She shrugged.
“I wasn’t strong enough when I should have been. So it took me a few weeks to tie up all my medical loose ends, then I went to Tuscany for a holiday, to think... My family has a home there and it seemed like a safe place to be. And the rest, as they say, is history. Here I am.” Yes, here she was, wondering if she ever could be strong enough to survive as a doctor or if her emotions would always get in the way.
“Here you are, and Caridad is glad to have you. But I’m wondering if you should have stayed at Brooks Medical and worked it out, rather than coming here.”
“The problem is me, Ben. Not Brooks Medical Center. And, no, I couldn’t have worked it out there, couldn’t have worked me out there. But don’t worry. I’m not going to jeopardize anything at Caridad. Not going to let my problems overshadow my work. Not going to suddenly figure out which path to take and leave you in a lurch. If that’s what you’re thinking.” If he wasn’t, he should be. But she hoped he wasn’t, because what Ben thought about her mattered. She wasn’t sure why, exactly. She only knew that it did.
“I didn’t think you would.”
“What makes you so...trusting? If a doctor came to me the way I came to you, I wouldn’t do what you’ve done.”
“It’s not that I’m trusting. I just don’t expect anything from anybody. That way, whatever happens happens. And I don’t get disappointed. That’s as far as I let anything go. The way I want to live my life, and I’m happy with it.”
That might be the way he lived his life, and maybe he was happy with it, but why did she see a distant sadness in his eyes so much of the time? Could it be this wasn’t the way he wanted to live his life but the way he thought he had to?
“Anyway...” She pointed to the adjacent room, one half the size of the closet-size room in which she was working “I noticed it’s set up for patient care. If you’re not busy right now, would you care to see a few patients in there rather than letting that space go to
“We had a difference of opinion—my grandfather and I. Over a patient’s treatment. As a result, I realized I had some thinking to do, and I couldn’t do it and still continue to work.”
“Did you go against the status quo?”
“Tried to. At the time I didn’t even realize that’s what I was doing. My patient was in end-stage renal disease, I put her on the transplant list. My grandfather took her off because she was older than the hospital protocol called for. I argued, he won, she died.”
Ben whistled softly. “I’m sorry. It’s always tough when you can’t do anything.”
“It’s even tougher, Ben, when you’re part-owner of a family business and the family turns against you.”
“You took it personally?”
“Yes, I did. Very personally. I should have been able to save my patient. Her family expected that of me, I expected that of me.” She shut her eyes, trying to blot that day from her memory—the day she’d told Elsa the bad news. Heart on her sleeve all the way, and she didn’t care. Alone in her office afterward, she’d cried, kicked the trash can. Been called weak by her grandfather. Do you think you’re going to survive in this profession, Shanna, if you’re weak?
Weak. That one, single word had forced her decision. “It’s like there’s always been this undertow, something churning underneath the surface waiting to pull me under. I always fight hard against it. I was fighting hard against it for my patient, but...” She shrugged.
“I wasn’t strong enough when I should have been. So it took me a few weeks to tie up all my medical loose ends, then I went to Tuscany for a holiday, to think... My family has a home there and it seemed like a safe place to be. And the rest, as they say, is history. Here I am.” Yes, here she was, wondering if she ever could be strong enough to survive as a doctor or if her emotions would always get in the way.
“Here you are, and Caridad is glad to have you. But I’m wondering if you should have stayed at Brooks Medical and worked it out, rather than coming here.”
“The problem is me, Ben. Not Brooks Medical Center. And, no, I couldn’t have worked it out there, couldn’t have worked me out there. But don’t worry. I’m not going to jeopardize anything at Caridad. Not going to let my problems overshadow my work. Not going to suddenly figure out which path to take and leave you in a lurch. If that’s what you’re thinking.” If he wasn’t, he should be. But she hoped he wasn’t, because what Ben thought about her mattered. She wasn’t sure why, exactly. She only knew that it did.
“I didn’t think you would.”
“What makes you so...trusting? If a doctor came to me the way I came to you, I wouldn’t do what you’ve done.”
“It’s not that I’m trusting. I just don’t expect anything from anybody. That way, whatever happens happens. And I don’t get disappointed. That’s as far as I let anything go. The way I want to live my life, and I’m happy with it.”
That might be the way he lived his life, and maybe he was happy with it, but why did she see a distant sadness in his eyes so much of the time? Could it be this wasn’t the way he wanted to live his life but the way he thought he had to?
“Anyway...” She pointed to the adjacent room, one half the size of the closet-size room in which she was working “I noticed it’s set up for patient care. If you’re not busy right now, would you care to see a few patients in there rather than letting that space go to
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