"Lucy, I’m sorry. I didn't think. It was wrong of me, and you deserved better."
"Better?" she cried. "What better am I going to get in this place? You’re all I have, Chara. The worst part is, you don't even love me, and I hang on because it's all I've got. So, yeah, better. There's a laugh."
"Lucy," Chara said softly, grasping her by the hand. "I know it's hard."
She jerked her hand away, wrapping herself up in her own arms. "It isn't hard. It's murder. At least you get to go to Adel twice a month. I never get away from this place, and the constant talk. Hells, everyone wonders why I'm not married yet. I heard Molly and Sarah saying the other day I should be with child by now."
"It isn't like going to Adel is really getting out of here, you know," Chara told her. "It's the same as this, just a little bigger. You still can't really do anything."
"Seems to me you do plenty," Lucy snorted.
Chara felt a cold knot form in her stomach. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Please," Lucy whimpered. "I've spent enough time between your legs to know others have as well."
For a long moment, Chara simply stood there, staring at her as she began to cry. She felt as if she’d been hit in the stomach with a Troll's hammer, making it almost impossible to even breathe. Desperate, she tried to think of something to say.
"It was always fine, though," Lucy told her, trying to wipe her eyes. "As long as it was just boys, it was fine. I could tell myself you were still mine, that we were going to leave here and find someplace we could be together. We aren't, though, are we?"
Chara found she couldn't look her in the eye, staring instead off into the corner, her face crestfallen. She’d long known this day would come, and now that it had, she couldn't lie to Lucy anymore. She’d never wanted to, never wanted to be the kind of person that misled others for the stupidest of reasons, but found she had become that in her mad rush to feel like she wasn't who she was.
A hick girl from a nowhere town.
"No," she whispered. "We aren't. I can't see any way to do it. We wouldn't get twenty miles before our parents came looking for us. Then, your dad would send you away, and I'd be trapped here, alone, without even you."
"I figured as much," Lucy sniffled. "So this Bles-sed comes along, and you jump to her, hoping to get out and leave me?"
"That's not it," Chara roared, looking back to her, face hot with shame. "If I could walk down the street holding your hand, kiss you no matter who was looking, then I’d be fine staying here!"
Lucy gave her a weary and hurt look. "No, you wouldn't. Please, don't lie to me."
Chara closed her eyes for a moment, turning her face to the Heavens. "I'm not lying, Lucy. Yes, I want to leave this town, see what all the world has to offer, but I know that's probably never going to happen. Even if it did, I'd want you by my side more than anything. I know that's never going to happen, either, though. I'm going to end up married to Hale, having his babies, and I'm going to hate every minute of it. I can't stop it, no matter what I do. If I could, I'd be with you. At least I know you love me."
"But do you love me?" Lucy asked, her voice both plaintive and tired.
Chara tried to smile, but it was a wan, worn thing. "More than I’ve ever loved anybody."
"Even Allen Dale?"
"Especially Allen Dale," Chara laughed, rubbing her face. "I just don't know what to do, Lucy. I want to feel happy and alive. I can't have that here, with you, and even in Adel, it's fleeting."
Lucy glanced at her sadly. "Then why do it?"
"Because I'm weak," Chara admitted. "And stupid. Because I'm selfish, scared, and angry. Because you aren't there. Mostly, though, because I can, and nobody tells me I'm bad for doing it."
Lucy stared at the ground. "Because no one is reminding you every five seconds of what a woman’s place is."
"Yeah, pretty much," Chara sighed. "I didn't do any of it to hurt you. You know I've asked your father a million
"Better?" she cried. "What better am I going to get in this place? You’re all I have, Chara. The worst part is, you don't even love me, and I hang on because it's all I've got. So, yeah, better. There's a laugh."
"Lucy," Chara said softly, grasping her by the hand. "I know it's hard."
She jerked her hand away, wrapping herself up in her own arms. "It isn't hard. It's murder. At least you get to go to Adel twice a month. I never get away from this place, and the constant talk. Hells, everyone wonders why I'm not married yet. I heard Molly and Sarah saying the other day I should be with child by now."
"It isn't like going to Adel is really getting out of here, you know," Chara told her. "It's the same as this, just a little bigger. You still can't really do anything."
"Seems to me you do plenty," Lucy snorted.
Chara felt a cold knot form in her stomach. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Please," Lucy whimpered. "I've spent enough time between your legs to know others have as well."
For a long moment, Chara simply stood there, staring at her as she began to cry. She felt as if she’d been hit in the stomach with a Troll's hammer, making it almost impossible to even breathe. Desperate, she tried to think of something to say.
"It was always fine, though," Lucy told her, trying to wipe her eyes. "As long as it was just boys, it was fine. I could tell myself you were still mine, that we were going to leave here and find someplace we could be together. We aren't, though, are we?"
Chara found she couldn't look her in the eye, staring instead off into the corner, her face crestfallen. She’d long known this day would come, and now that it had, she couldn't lie to Lucy anymore. She’d never wanted to, never wanted to be the kind of person that misled others for the stupidest of reasons, but found she had become that in her mad rush to feel like she wasn't who she was.
A hick girl from a nowhere town.
"No," she whispered. "We aren't. I can't see any way to do it. We wouldn't get twenty miles before our parents came looking for us. Then, your dad would send you away, and I'd be trapped here, alone, without even you."
"I figured as much," Lucy sniffled. "So this Bles-sed comes along, and you jump to her, hoping to get out and leave me?"
"That's not it," Chara roared, looking back to her, face hot with shame. "If I could walk down the street holding your hand, kiss you no matter who was looking, then I’d be fine staying here!"
Lucy gave her a weary and hurt look. "No, you wouldn't. Please, don't lie to me."
Chara closed her eyes for a moment, turning her face to the Heavens. "I'm not lying, Lucy. Yes, I want to leave this town, see what all the world has to offer, but I know that's probably never going to happen. Even if it did, I'd want you by my side more than anything. I know that's never going to happen, either, though. I'm going to end up married to Hale, having his babies, and I'm going to hate every minute of it. I can't stop it, no matter what I do. If I could, I'd be with you. At least I know you love me."
"But do you love me?" Lucy asked, her voice both plaintive and tired.
Chara tried to smile, but it was a wan, worn thing. "More than I’ve ever loved anybody."
"Even Allen Dale?"
"Especially Allen Dale," Chara laughed, rubbing her face. "I just don't know what to do, Lucy. I want to feel happy and alive. I can't have that here, with you, and even in Adel, it's fleeting."
Lucy glanced at her sadly. "Then why do it?"
"Because I'm weak," Chara admitted. "And stupid. Because I'm selfish, scared, and angry. Because you aren't there. Mostly, though, because I can, and nobody tells me I'm bad for doing it."
Lucy stared at the ground. "Because no one is reminding you every five seconds of what a woman’s place is."
"Yeah, pretty much," Chara sighed. "I didn't do any of it to hurt you. You know I've asked your father a million
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