Ruby and the Stone Age Diet

Ruby and the Stone Age Diet by Martin Millar Page A

Book: Ruby and the Stone Age Diet by Martin Millar Read Free Book Online
Authors: Martin Millar
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some tea and she strides through to her room to paint. I am envious of Ruby’s ability to paint. I am envious of all artists. I have a good plan for seeing Cis.
    Lamia the Eastern Huntress Goddess used to exercise daily to keep her body perfect. She fell in love with a mortal painter and asked him to paint her. Unfortunately, none of the paintings could capture her perfect beauty. Eventually, dispirited by his failure, he took his own life by drowning himself under a waterfall. Afterwards Lamia cried for her lover for forty days and forty nights and her tears fell like rain, washing away crops and houses in a flood of grief.
    Izzy told me she heard that Cis was going to art school. I hope she does well. I would hate it if Cis became discouraged and drowned herself under a waterfall.
    ‘Ruby, I have a good plan for seeing Cis and also it will probably help you to see Domino, and my zip is stuck, can you help me with it please?’
    Ruby kneels down in front of me and tries to loosen my zip. Her room smells of paint and I notice she is losing weight.
    The person in charge of the physical defence of the squat in Battersea went slightly overboard and barricaded the baywindows with railway sleepers, filling up the gaps with cement and barbed wire. To fit the railway sleepers in he organised the removal of half the floorboards and part of the ceiling. With the windows barred and barricaded and the doors nailed shut the house was practically invulnerable. The only way in was by ladder into the upstairs window.
    We made a yellow banner with ‘Battersea Squatters’ Association’ written on it. On the day of the eviction we would hang it out of the window.
    Three people were nominated to stay inside the house when the bailiffs arrived. The rest of the squatters were to stand outside protesting. Nominated as one of the three, I was less than enthusiastic. I knew that when the bailiffs couldn’t get in they would call the police and we would be arrested. But I had not done much for the Squatters’ Association and it was my turn to be useful.
    Ruby has to struggle with my zip for a long time but I trust her implicitly to fix it without doing me any damage. And if by chance she did do me some harm then she would call an ambulance right away. She is the sort of person who would have no problem in calling an ambulance and demanding they came right away, no excuses accepted.
    Ruby is a wonderful friend and I worry about her losing weight. Ruby is the best friend I’ve ever had. Ruby is the best friend in the history of the world. It enrages me thatshe will lose weight and maybe harm herself all because of Domino. I hate Domino.
    ‘There, your zip is free. If Domino saw me in such close proximity to anyone else’s penis he would go crazy. Do you like my sunshine painting?’
    ‘Yes, it’s wonderful. The lilac sun matches your dress. How is your writing coming along?’
    ‘Fine. I’ll show you a story soon. When’s your gig?’
    ‘We had to postpone it again. We still can’t find a drummer. Do you want to hear my plan for seeing Cis?’
    ‘OK. What’s your plan for seeing Cis?’
    ‘Well, first you ring up and check if she’s home. If she answers the phone you put it down immediately like it is a wrong number, but if she’s out then there’s a good chance we could accidentally run into her. It is Thursday and Cis will cash her Giro today and probably go for a drink. There are four pubs in Brixton she might go to and we can call in to each one casually as if we were just there for a drink ourselves and if she is there I’ll naturally just have to say hello. She won’t realise I’ve planned it. If she isn’t at any of the pubs she might be at some friend’s house so we can call round her friends on some pretext, and if that fails we could wait at the end of her street and see if she happens by.’
    ‘What pretext are we going to use for calling round on her friends?’
    ‘I don’t know,’ I admit. ‘I hoped you

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