to a reasonable level. This got
my sister’s attention, making her turn quickly to face me.
“What are ya doing? I love that song!” she
pouted, looking at me like I was out of my mind for respecting the
noise level for all who lived in my building.
“Maddy! I have neighbors.”
“Yeah?” she looked at me, confused.
I found it ridiculous that I had to elaborate as
it should be the obvious, but I did. “You have to keep it down. I’d
like for them not to hate me, please.”
She scowled and it dawned on me: Maddy doesn’t
know any better. She was coming from the same shit scenario I grew
up in. Respect was the last thing on anyone’s mind in Mom’s house—I
wasn’t quite sure if my mom actually knew what that word meant. I
realized I was going to have to take a step back when dealing with
Maddy; I was going to have to rewind to four years ago and remember
the person I was entering my first year in college…fresh from the
fucked up world I was used to.
“It’s a quiet building,” I continued in a more
explanatory tone. “Blasting music isn’t something they encourage
here.”
She looked at me, confused for a moment longer,
before answering in the same ditzy manner I did so many times that
it actually made me chuckle when she did it. “Huh?” She even tilted
her head to the side when she said it.
“Oh, Maddy…” I said, coming up beside her and
wrapping my arm around her neck. “You’re entering a whole new
world, and it’s much, much different than you’re used to…” I
began to explain how differently people live here, in the real
world, than Mom does back home. The part I ended with pained me to
do because even though I’m not the person I used to be (and not
regretting getting that all out of my system), I couldn’t have that
behavior there—while she stayed with me, she was going to have to
respect that. I was on a different level now. I was a responsible
adult. If she wanted to stay with me, she was going to have to
catch up to where I was and where I was heading.
“Wow,” Maddy answered, looking genuinely
shocked. I wasn’t sure exactly how she was grasping it. She seemed
lost, still trying to understand what I just told her. “Well…” she
shrugged her shoulders. “Since I have nowhere else to go, I suppose
I should start seeing how respectable people live.”
There was attitude on her last statement, making
my stomach turn that I hurt her feelings. I knew I offended her,
but I had to be honest. The way we were brought up wasn’t the high
life at all . Or the regular life, for that matter. My mom
had wealthy assholes coming and going, yes, but they weren’t among
the riches that New York City had to offer. They were sleazy
gamblers, getting money all the wrong ways, but Tina, my mom,
didn’t care. All she saw was dollar signs. We grew up with money,
but it was handled much differently and we didn’t see much of it.
There were parties every night in our house, guys slumming around
that couldn’t care less how young the girls they were screwing
were, all in a neighborhood that welcomed such behavior. We had no
rules. We had no one looking out for us to explain how normal
people functioned in society. That was our normal. That was our
society. We hadn’t known any different until we were old enough to
see a comparison.
“I didn’t mean that—” I started.
“No, K, don’t worry.” She cut me off with tears
in her eyes, putting down the spatula she was using to cook. “I get
it. That’s why I left. I guess it’s just going to take some getting
used to,” she added before walking past me to the bathroom, the
only room in my apartment with a door that you could shut and
hide.
***
My mood was less than
stellar going into work the following day. On top of it being
gloomy and ugly outside, last night’s discussion with my sister was
still bothering me. Even though she said that she understood, she
was still short with me for the remainder of the evening.
my sister’s attention, making her turn quickly to face me.
“What are ya doing? I love that song!” she
pouted, looking at me like I was out of my mind for respecting the
noise level for all who lived in my building.
“Maddy! I have neighbors.”
“Yeah?” she looked at me, confused.
I found it ridiculous that I had to elaborate as
it should be the obvious, but I did. “You have to keep it down. I’d
like for them not to hate me, please.”
She scowled and it dawned on me: Maddy doesn’t
know any better. She was coming from the same shit scenario I grew
up in. Respect was the last thing on anyone’s mind in Mom’s house—I
wasn’t quite sure if my mom actually knew what that word meant. I
realized I was going to have to take a step back when dealing with
Maddy; I was going to have to rewind to four years ago and remember
the person I was entering my first year in college…fresh from the
fucked up world I was used to.
“It’s a quiet building,” I continued in a more
explanatory tone. “Blasting music isn’t something they encourage
here.”
She looked at me, confused for a moment longer,
before answering in the same ditzy manner I did so many times that
it actually made me chuckle when she did it. “Huh?” She even tilted
her head to the side when she said it.
“Oh, Maddy…” I said, coming up beside her and
wrapping my arm around her neck. “You’re entering a whole new
world, and it’s much, much different than you’re used to…” I
began to explain how differently people live here, in the real
world, than Mom does back home. The part I ended with pained me to
do because even though I’m not the person I used to be (and not
regretting getting that all out of my system), I couldn’t have that
behavior there—while she stayed with me, she was going to have to
respect that. I was on a different level now. I was a responsible
adult. If she wanted to stay with me, she was going to have to
catch up to where I was and where I was heading.
“Wow,” Maddy answered, looking genuinely
shocked. I wasn’t sure exactly how she was grasping it. She seemed
lost, still trying to understand what I just told her. “Well…” she
shrugged her shoulders. “Since I have nowhere else to go, I suppose
I should start seeing how respectable people live.”
There was attitude on her last statement, making
my stomach turn that I hurt her feelings. I knew I offended her,
but I had to be honest. The way we were brought up wasn’t the high
life at all . Or the regular life, for that matter. My mom
had wealthy assholes coming and going, yes, but they weren’t among
the riches that New York City had to offer. They were sleazy
gamblers, getting money all the wrong ways, but Tina, my mom,
didn’t care. All she saw was dollar signs. We grew up with money,
but it was handled much differently and we didn’t see much of it.
There were parties every night in our house, guys slumming around
that couldn’t care less how young the girls they were screwing
were, all in a neighborhood that welcomed such behavior. We had no
rules. We had no one looking out for us to explain how normal
people functioned in society. That was our normal. That was our
society. We hadn’t known any different until we were old enough to
see a comparison.
“I didn’t mean that—” I started.
“No, K, don’t worry.” She cut me off with tears
in her eyes, putting down the spatula she was using to cook. “I get
it. That’s why I left. I guess it’s just going to take some getting
used to,” she added before walking past me to the bathroom, the
only room in my apartment with a door that you could shut and
hide.
***
My mood was less than
stellar going into work the following day. On top of it being
gloomy and ugly outside, last night’s discussion with my sister was
still bothering me. Even though she said that she understood, she
was still short with me for the remainder of the evening.
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