Safe Word by Teresa Mummert Page B

she had caught me staring, but it was impossible not to. No matter how I felt about Rose, whether her abandonment was real or imagined, I still harbored a lot of anger toward her and it pissed me off to no end that I also held a lot of love. I wanted to run away with her like I had planned all those years ago. I wished I could take her to California and let her mingle with the stars.
    “I thought about you all…” she began.
    “Don’t. I can’t fucking hear it.” I ran my hand through my hair and over my stubbled jaw. She only nodded and took another bite of her food. Memory Lane was closed.
    “The nightmares? That something new?” She stirred her yogurt.
    “You heard that?” I let my eyes fall closed as I thought back to the night before. I’d dreamed of Rose every night. It was never anything new. Some dreams were better than others, but they always ended the same way. I was alone.
    “You yelled for me. I yelled back thinking you were in trouble but you never came. It took me awhile to realize that you were having a nightmare.”
    That was a first. The fear, the sadness in her voice had been real.
    “I didn’t mean to wake you,” I replied, avoiding the real cause for her distress. I didn’t owe her an explanation.
    “It’s kind of hard to sleep when you are locked away in some guy’s house.” She laughed sadly.
    “Some guy, huh?” I could feel the anger coursing through my veins at her words. That was all I had ever been to her.
    “You know what I mean.” Her big brown eyes met mine and I had to clench my jaw to keep everything bottled up inside.
    “Yeah. I know exactly what you mean.” I pushed to my feet, my heart sinking in my chest as I held out a hand for her. She hesitated before slipping her hand in mine, and I pulled her effortlessly to her feet. Her body swayed toward mine and I caught her familiar smell. It was amazing how quickly a scent could pull you back into a different time. “Are you done eating?” I asked, my voice wavering as I struggled not to pull her against me. This woman was poison to me, and I wasn’t about to let her get back inside my heart.
    “I was too ashamed to find you. You have no idea what it was like. You deserved more than the person I was.” Her fingers slipped from mine, and she held out her empty container and spoon. I took it and cocked my head toward the spare bedroom door. “I hate being alone but there is only one person that I ever felt safe with.” Her voice was barely audible and her chin quivered. I knew that feeling. I had been alone for years, even when someone else accompanied me to my bed. I was never whole. I swallowed against the lump that had formed in my throat. I wanted to pull her against me, feel her warmth, and make her feel safe in my arms.
    “I don’t feel like dancing.” Rose smiled politely at the senior who had slid in beside her in the overcrowded gym. I hated functions like this, and I had only come because it gave me a chance to see Rose. We had to be very careful about being seen together, and I craved her more than I craved my next breath.
    “Come on.” He pulled her closer to his body as his friends laughed, encouraging him to continue harassing her. Her cheeks flamed as red as her hair, and I knew she was beginning to panic. I could see her finger tips pushing against her thumb as she silently counted, trying to calm herself and keep from freaking out.
    “I don’t feel like it.” She pushed against his chest, but he didn’t retreat. He stared down at her with a cocky grin.
    I walked by them, making sure my shoulder slammed into his, spinning him backward and effectively taking his focus off Rose.
    “What the fuck is your problem, asshole?” he yelled, throwing his arms up in an invitation to fight. I laughed and took a step closer to him.
    “You are.” I watched as Rose slipped between the crowd that was forming and out of the door.
    “Break it up!” Mr. Walcheck stepped between us, hesitantly. “What is