“It’ll be all right. It will.”
If only she could believe her. But all at once Anne wasn’t sure that anything would ever be right again.
It was early when a rap on the door sounded. Anne roused as Vivian stepped inside. Pink-cheeked, her hair tucked up beneath a cap, her mother looked surprisingly well-rested, Anne almost grudgingly decided. Anne, on the other hand, was bleary-eyed and exhausted. She’d slept barely a wink.
Vivian plumped a pillow behind her back. “Take your tea, pet, while it’s nice and hot. Oh, and I brought those croissants you’re so fond of.”
Anne accepted the cup, sipping from it gingerly. She didn’t want tea. The thought of food made her want to retch. How could her motheract so normally? Would that the last evening had been a dream! Oh, how she longed to crawl beneath the covers, never to emerge.
Anne had never deemed herself a coward. But, oh, how she wished she could be numb.
Vivian flitted around the room, straightening the curtains, neatly folding her bath towel and summoning the maid for her bath.
Anne set aside her teacup. “Mama,” she said.
“Yes, poppet?” Vivian perched on the edge of the bed and reached for her hands.
Anne stared at her mother’s fingers, so slim and dainty and fine, curled firmly around her own. How was it possible there was such strength harbored in this small, tiny woman? She thought of her father, of the way her mother had bathed his brow and comforted and cheered him when his spirits were lowest. How had she remained so unfaltering and strong throughout the darkest days of his life…of hers ? But hers was a resilience that could not be seen, Anne suddenly realized, a staunchness of spirit and faith…and dwelled solely within.
She swallowed. “Mama,” she said, her voice very low, “I should like to explain—”
“There is no need.” Vivian squeezed her hand. “I know what you’re going to say, dearest. Well, perhaps not to the letter, but I’ve an idea and…We can’t change what has happened, Anne. Yesterday is gone, and will be forever gone. We cannot reclaim it. We cannot change it. And so we must take heart that the days ahead will be better. We must trust that the days ahead will be brighter. We must do what we can to make it so.”
Anne bit her lip. In her mind, it wasn’t so simple to banish all doubt and summon such certainty. “Mama—” She stopped, unable to go on.
“Anne. Anne . Do not fret, dearest. Know that I love you. Know that Alec loves you, and Aidan as well. And know that nothing or no one will ever change that.”
A tremendous ache filled Anne’s throat.
“Now, pet, why don’t you get dressed? I expect your brother will wish to speak with you this morning.”
Anne gave a watery smile. “Mama,” she whispered, “I’m so very lucky to have you.”
“Ah, love,” came Vivian’s soft rejoinder, “I was about to say the same to you.”
Vivian was right. Even before she’d finished dressing, she received a summons that Alec wished to see her at ten o’clock. His town house was not so far that she could not easily walk the distance. But Helmsley, his coachman, stated that his master was most insistent that he deliver her safely. Anne was annoyed. What did Alec think? That she would bolt?
So it was that she was feeling rather rebellious when his butler ushered her into his study. Alec was already there, seated behind the greatmahogany desk that had once belonged to their father. He was busy signing some papers. He didn’t look up when she entered, but the quill continued to scratch across the surface.
At length he finished, setting aside the sheaf of paperwork.
Leather creaked as he leaned back in his chair and surveyed her. Anne and her brothers had always engaged in good-natured banter; it was rare that she was truly at odds with either of them. But in this moment, she envied Alec his ease. She envied him his station. It wasn’t fair, she thought resentfully, that she should
If only she could believe her. But all at once Anne wasn’t sure that anything would ever be right again.
It was early when a rap on the door sounded. Anne roused as Vivian stepped inside. Pink-cheeked, her hair tucked up beneath a cap, her mother looked surprisingly well-rested, Anne almost grudgingly decided. Anne, on the other hand, was bleary-eyed and exhausted. She’d slept barely a wink.
Vivian plumped a pillow behind her back. “Take your tea, pet, while it’s nice and hot. Oh, and I brought those croissants you’re so fond of.”
Anne accepted the cup, sipping from it gingerly. She didn’t want tea. The thought of food made her want to retch. How could her motheract so normally? Would that the last evening had been a dream! Oh, how she longed to crawl beneath the covers, never to emerge.
Anne had never deemed herself a coward. But, oh, how she wished she could be numb.
Vivian flitted around the room, straightening the curtains, neatly folding her bath towel and summoning the maid for her bath.
Anne set aside her teacup. “Mama,” she said.
“Yes, poppet?” Vivian perched on the edge of the bed and reached for her hands.
Anne stared at her mother’s fingers, so slim and dainty and fine, curled firmly around her own. How was it possible there was such strength harbored in this small, tiny woman? She thought of her father, of the way her mother had bathed his brow and comforted and cheered him when his spirits were lowest. How had she remained so unfaltering and strong throughout the darkest days of his life…of hers ? But hers was a resilience that could not be seen, Anne suddenly realized, a staunchness of spirit and faith…and dwelled solely within.
She swallowed. “Mama,” she said, her voice very low, “I should like to explain—”
“There is no need.” Vivian squeezed her hand. “I know what you’re going to say, dearest. Well, perhaps not to the letter, but I’ve an idea and…We can’t change what has happened, Anne. Yesterday is gone, and will be forever gone. We cannot reclaim it. We cannot change it. And so we must take heart that the days ahead will be better. We must trust that the days ahead will be brighter. We must do what we can to make it so.”
Anne bit her lip. In her mind, it wasn’t so simple to banish all doubt and summon such certainty. “Mama—” She stopped, unable to go on.
“Anne. Anne . Do not fret, dearest. Know that I love you. Know that Alec loves you, and Aidan as well. And know that nothing or no one will ever change that.”
A tremendous ache filled Anne’s throat.
“Now, pet, why don’t you get dressed? I expect your brother will wish to speak with you this morning.”
Anne gave a watery smile. “Mama,” she whispered, “I’m so very lucky to have you.”
“Ah, love,” came Vivian’s soft rejoinder, “I was about to say the same to you.”
Vivian was right. Even before she’d finished dressing, she received a summons that Alec wished to see her at ten o’clock. His town house was not so far that she could not easily walk the distance. But Helmsley, his coachman, stated that his master was most insistent that he deliver her safely. Anne was annoyed. What did Alec think? That she would bolt?
So it was that she was feeling rather rebellious when his butler ushered her into his study. Alec was already there, seated behind the greatmahogany desk that had once belonged to their father. He was busy signing some papers. He didn’t look up when she entered, but the quill continued to scratch across the surface.
At length he finished, setting aside the sheaf of paperwork.
Leather creaked as he leaned back in his chair and surveyed her. Anne and her brothers had always engaged in good-natured banter; it was rare that she was truly at odds with either of them. But in this moment, she envied Alec his ease. She envied him his station. It wasn’t fair, she thought resentfully, that she should
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