Once our plates were filled, we each looked up at the same time. He smiled as our eyes met across the buffet. Those eyes! Feeling embarrassed, I turned away and made my way back to the table. The waitress had just come out with the champagne.
“To your health!” Mathis picked up his glass and toasted me.
“Uh . . . to health!” I took a long gulp of liquid courage.
“Now, it’s your turn to tell me something about yourself. What are you doing here all alone at the North Sea?”
“I guess I’m just letting everything wash over me. The sea, the calm, the air . . .”
“And the search.”
“The search. Well, maybe. But I can’t tell you what I’m searching for.”
“Why not?”
“Because I honestly don’t know.” I thought about the promise I’d made to myself as a child, and I realized that what I told Mathis wasn’t entirely the truth. But how could I say, “I want to know what’s beyond the horizon”?
He nodded. “Maybe none of us really knows what we’re looking for. What do you do when you aren’t searching for something on the North Sea?”
“I look for ideas.”
“And where is your home?”
I told him the city.
He gave me a strange look and cleared his throat. “And what kind of ideas are you looking for?”
“New project ideas. A friend and I own a project design and development company.”
“That sounds like an interesting job.”
“It pays the bills. And I have a free schedule. This way, Paula doesn’t always have to go to day care after school.”
“Paula?”
“My daughter. She’s seven.” I could feel my heart beating in my chest. What would Mathis say to that?
“A beautiful age!”
Relief flooded through me. The news that I had a daughter didn’t appear to bother him a bit. Or maybe it didn’t matter to him because he had no long-term interest in me? I hadn’t considered this possibility.
“Do you have children?”
“Three.”
“Oh.” I swallowed hard. “You’re married?”
“Yes.”
You see , my mind told me, and I felt my heart breaking.
“What do you have planned for today?” he asked. Apparently, the subject was closed for him.
“I was thinking a little exercise wouldn’t hurt. I may go for a bike ride. What about you?”
“Great idea! I’ll come, too—if you don’t mind.” He gave me a pleading look.
Get up and walk out of here, right now! my conscience told me. You know nothing good can come of this.
“I’d love that,” I heard myself say instead. It was too late to turn back now. I knew this could very well be a mistake. But I felt I had no choice. My heart was still beating hard in my chest.
Mathis stood. “I’m hitting the buffet again. Can I get you anything?”
“A little yogurt and a ton of fruit. But don’t worry, I’ll come, too.”
When we finished breakfast, Mathis headed to the restroom, so I waved the waitress over and paid the bill.
“Where to now?” Mathis asked when he returned.
“I heard there’s a boat harbor nearby. I thought I’d go there.”
“Perfect. I know just where it is.”
As the waitress passed, Mathis called out to her. “Could I have the bill, please?”
“Your wife has already paid.”
“Really? But she never does that!”
The waitress gave him an irritated look. “Excuse me?”
“Never mind. Thanks!” He gave me a mischievous grin. “Ah, the old ‘pay when he’s in the bathroom’ trick! Good one.”
On our way to the exit, we passed an old model ship in a glass case in the middle of the room. “Look, isn’t it beautiful?” I asked.
“The Gorch Fock ,” Mathis said. “I’ve sailed on it.”
I knew it! A sailor.
It was a beautiful summer day. We biked beyond the boat harbor on a path that led all the way down the side of the levee. It felt good to move my body in the fresh air, feeling the wind on my face. If I lived here, I could do this every day, I realized. After work, I would jump on my bike, or I’d run at low tide. All my frustration would
“To your health!” Mathis picked up his glass and toasted me.
“Uh . . . to health!” I took a long gulp of liquid courage.
“Now, it’s your turn to tell me something about yourself. What are you doing here all alone at the North Sea?”
“I guess I’m just letting everything wash over me. The sea, the calm, the air . . .”
“And the search.”
“The search. Well, maybe. But I can’t tell you what I’m searching for.”
“Why not?”
“Because I honestly don’t know.” I thought about the promise I’d made to myself as a child, and I realized that what I told Mathis wasn’t entirely the truth. But how could I say, “I want to know what’s beyond the horizon”?
He nodded. “Maybe none of us really knows what we’re looking for. What do you do when you aren’t searching for something on the North Sea?”
“I look for ideas.”
“And where is your home?”
I told him the city.
He gave me a strange look and cleared his throat. “And what kind of ideas are you looking for?”
“New project ideas. A friend and I own a project design and development company.”
“That sounds like an interesting job.”
“It pays the bills. And I have a free schedule. This way, Paula doesn’t always have to go to day care after school.”
“Paula?”
“My daughter. She’s seven.” I could feel my heart beating in my chest. What would Mathis say to that?
“A beautiful age!”
Relief flooded through me. The news that I had a daughter didn’t appear to bother him a bit. Or maybe it didn’t matter to him because he had no long-term interest in me? I hadn’t considered this possibility.
“Do you have children?”
“Three.”
“Oh.” I swallowed hard. “You’re married?”
“Yes.”
You see , my mind told me, and I felt my heart breaking.
“What do you have planned for today?” he asked. Apparently, the subject was closed for him.
“I was thinking a little exercise wouldn’t hurt. I may go for a bike ride. What about you?”
“Great idea! I’ll come, too—if you don’t mind.” He gave me a pleading look.
Get up and walk out of here, right now! my conscience told me. You know nothing good can come of this.
“I’d love that,” I heard myself say instead. It was too late to turn back now. I knew this could very well be a mistake. But I felt I had no choice. My heart was still beating hard in my chest.
Mathis stood. “I’m hitting the buffet again. Can I get you anything?”
“A little yogurt and a ton of fruit. But don’t worry, I’ll come, too.”
When we finished breakfast, Mathis headed to the restroom, so I waved the waitress over and paid the bill.
“Where to now?” Mathis asked when he returned.
“I heard there’s a boat harbor nearby. I thought I’d go there.”
“Perfect. I know just where it is.”
As the waitress passed, Mathis called out to her. “Could I have the bill, please?”
“Your wife has already paid.”
“Really? But she never does that!”
The waitress gave him an irritated look. “Excuse me?”
“Never mind. Thanks!” He gave me a mischievous grin. “Ah, the old ‘pay when he’s in the bathroom’ trick! Good one.”
On our way to the exit, we passed an old model ship in a glass case in the middle of the room. “Look, isn’t it beautiful?” I asked.
“The Gorch Fock ,” Mathis said. “I’ve sailed on it.”
I knew it! A sailor.
It was a beautiful summer day. We biked beyond the boat harbor on a path that led all the way down the side of the levee. It felt good to move my body in the fresh air, feeling the wind on my face. If I lived here, I could do this every day, I realized. After work, I would jump on my bike, or I’d run at low tide. All my frustration would
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