aside. She tunneled her fingers into the snowy white blanket wrapped around her, clinging to the moment instead of falling back into the nightmare still calling to her.
“Ruebens’s programming is clearly still driving your dreams.” Richard was beside her, yet still keeping his emotional distance. “But you fought him at the center in every nightmare. You ran from him, then from me, when you thought I was part of his plan for Dream Weaver. You fought his programming again tonight, and this time you succeeded. You pulled yourself back on your own. Understanding how you did that, re-creating the phenomenon, will go a long way toward convincing the council to continue our work here in the lab.”
Succeeded?
Re-creating the phenomenon?
She scooted farther away, rejecting the impulse to lean into Richard’s warmth. She wanted to laugh like the loon she was until she couldn’t stop. Until she couldn’t breathe. Until she found the release, the silence, her dream ocean’s desolate floor had offered.
“My mother’s dead because of my legacy,” she said. “My father, too, even though a slippery road and aneighteen-wheel semi took care of him as much as the mess my powers had made of our lives. Everything evil that’s happened to my family began with me. My sister was hurt again tonight, because of me. And let’s not forget the innocent hosts the center experimented on because you let them use me. How many people have suffered because there’s no way to stop what I’m becoming? And none of it would have happened, if—”
“If I hadn’t infiltrated the center and pulled your mind back from your coma,” Richard finished for her. “You had no choice but to play out the hand you were dealt, Sarah.”
“And when exactly do I get a choice? When do I start living on my own terms, instead of being forced to answer your endless questions, and to wait for your council to decide to ‘neutralize’ me and Maddie?”
His raven black eyes concealed secrets he’d never share. He’d once again buried the haunting tenderness she’d sensed when she first woke in his arms. Only duty remained. Honor. And whatever version of the truth suited his purposes.
“You have no choice tonight,” he said. “You won’t, until your mind is fully under your own control. And the only way to do that is to face the memories you’re avoiding, so we can safely trigger more of the Dream Weaver programming driving your visions.”
Sarah glanced at the bruises her fingers had left on his neck.
“How’s that plan working out for you so far?” she asked.
“We’d have a better shot at averting another disaster if you’d let yourself trust me.”
It was an unforgivable suggestion. She didn’t dignify it with a response. Richard was suddenly looming over her, his hands clenched in the blanket beside hers.
“You’ve refused for a month to commit to our work together. But you called out to me when you were out of options in the dream.” He sounded as shocked as she’d been when she realized what she’d done. “Then you nearly died. Because a part of you wanted to believe the voice telling you to give up more than you’d let yourself believe in me.”
The tremor of fear in his voice didn’t make it to his expression. He was too disciplined for that. Logical scientist and brutally trained warrior, the last thing Colonel Richard Metting would let dictate his behavior was honest-to-God emotion. But Sarah was more than terrified enough for both of them.
She
had
wanted to die. Anything was better than failing again. Anything was preferable to the soundless, emotionless nothing of another coma, and giving Richard’s elders the satisfaction of banishing her there.
“My mind’s disintegrating and there’s nothing anyone can do about it, regardless of what happened in my past.” Her voice was paper thin. “That’s the price I paid for trusting you the last time.”
“I infiltrated the center to protect you.”
“I was a
“Ruebens’s programming is clearly still driving your dreams.” Richard was beside her, yet still keeping his emotional distance. “But you fought him at the center in every nightmare. You ran from him, then from me, when you thought I was part of his plan for Dream Weaver. You fought his programming again tonight, and this time you succeeded. You pulled yourself back on your own. Understanding how you did that, re-creating the phenomenon, will go a long way toward convincing the council to continue our work here in the lab.”
Succeeded?
Re-creating the phenomenon?
She scooted farther away, rejecting the impulse to lean into Richard’s warmth. She wanted to laugh like the loon she was until she couldn’t stop. Until she couldn’t breathe. Until she found the release, the silence, her dream ocean’s desolate floor had offered.
“My mother’s dead because of my legacy,” she said. “My father, too, even though a slippery road and aneighteen-wheel semi took care of him as much as the mess my powers had made of our lives. Everything evil that’s happened to my family began with me. My sister was hurt again tonight, because of me. And let’s not forget the innocent hosts the center experimented on because you let them use me. How many people have suffered because there’s no way to stop what I’m becoming? And none of it would have happened, if—”
“If I hadn’t infiltrated the center and pulled your mind back from your coma,” Richard finished for her. “You had no choice but to play out the hand you were dealt, Sarah.”
“And when exactly do I get a choice? When do I start living on my own terms, instead of being forced to answer your endless questions, and to wait for your council to decide to ‘neutralize’ me and Maddie?”
His raven black eyes concealed secrets he’d never share. He’d once again buried the haunting tenderness she’d sensed when she first woke in his arms. Only duty remained. Honor. And whatever version of the truth suited his purposes.
“You have no choice tonight,” he said. “You won’t, until your mind is fully under your own control. And the only way to do that is to face the memories you’re avoiding, so we can safely trigger more of the Dream Weaver programming driving your visions.”
Sarah glanced at the bruises her fingers had left on his neck.
“How’s that plan working out for you so far?” she asked.
“We’d have a better shot at averting another disaster if you’d let yourself trust me.”
It was an unforgivable suggestion. She didn’t dignify it with a response. Richard was suddenly looming over her, his hands clenched in the blanket beside hers.
“You’ve refused for a month to commit to our work together. But you called out to me when you were out of options in the dream.” He sounded as shocked as she’d been when she realized what she’d done. “Then you nearly died. Because a part of you wanted to believe the voice telling you to give up more than you’d let yourself believe in me.”
The tremor of fear in his voice didn’t make it to his expression. He was too disciplined for that. Logical scientist and brutally trained warrior, the last thing Colonel Richard Metting would let dictate his behavior was honest-to-God emotion. But Sarah was more than terrified enough for both of them.
She
had
wanted to die. Anything was better than failing again. Anything was preferable to the soundless, emotionless nothing of another coma, and giving Richard’s elders the satisfaction of banishing her there.
“My mind’s disintegrating and there’s nothing anyone can do about it, regardless of what happened in my past.” Her voice was paper thin. “That’s the price I paid for trusting you the last time.”
“I infiltrated the center to protect you.”
“I was a
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