Seeking Nirvana by V. L. Brock Page A

the same, knowing that at least one person has remained how they were years ago, gave me a shard of hope. A little familiarity.
    I was rinsing out the cups when Liam walked Liv to the front door. Once I was done, I trailed into the living room, observing random photographs that hung on the off-white walls.
    “I don’t know how to do this, Liv,” I heard Liam mutter. “I could deal if it was a few months, but three years?”
    “Hey, listen to me, Liam. Things will work themselves out, they always do,” my best friend’s voice was broken and strained. “Her memory will come back––”
    “But what if it doesn’t ? I can’t bear the thought of having to go through those––”
    “Li am, it won’t come to that, we’ll deal––the three of us always have. Just have faith. Things will spark and it will be like how it was before. Just give it time.”

Chapter Five
    One week, sixty-four photographs, three different destinations and a baking refresher afternoon, and still nothing had clicked into place, dammit, not even a fucking pathetic little spark.
    It was taking its toll on me.
    It was taking its toll on, Liam.
    The tactile qualities which he displayed when I was in MA General had all but dissipated, and an irritable person took his place. Again, that was a person I had no recollection of knowing. The two things which seemed a constant within that one week, was him holding my hand and kissing me. Even then, they seemed forced and unnatural.
    His kisses never failed to send my head in a spin and make my world flip upside down. He was insistent, he was passionate; he was in control and knew what he liked, what he wanted me to give, and for him to take. But kisses nowadays were so far removed from that. They were nowhere near in the same league as what they were, once upon a time. They were chaste and nothing like how I recalled.
    The verity that even our sex life wasn’t the same after three-years hurt me. I didn’t know what had happened between us, but I couldn’t just sit and brood over it. For once, I had to be the one who was insistent, I had to chase what I wanted, and all I wanted was my spark back with my boyfriend.
    Maybe that would have begun a chain reaction, and allowed numero us other tiny sparks to follow.
    During that week, I’d lost count on how many times I sprawled out on the satin throw as he came to bed. I lost count how many times I stroked his back, his chest, grabbed his face in my hands and near enough forced my tongue in his mouth. I ransacked the walk-in-closet and my dresser in search for anything that would make him cave, and give me what I so desperately wanted, what I needed.
    Even the catholic school girl outfit which I found on the upper shelf in the closet, along with the highest heels I owned didn’t have him conceding.
    Confusion took over my life more and more with each passing day. And I felt close to giving up.
    Liv had stopped by with a bottle of wine while Liam went for a poker night. We were at each end of the sofa. My legs were tucked underneath my body as we talked about random shit, as always, when my face fell.
    “What’s the matter, chick? You don’t seem yourself.”
    I glared at her with a raised brow as if to say, ‘ fucking, really’.
    “You know what I meant, Kady. What’s wrong?”
    I sighed. Although I attempted to refrain, the only thought that had swam around in my head, tormenting me for days, and sending me into a state of further mystification, had my brow crumpled into a scowl. “I don’t think Liam’s attracted to me anymore.”
    Her golden eyes flared as she shot back, “Why do you think that?” She stretched her left arm over the back of the couch and rubbed my forearm, encouraging an explanation.
    Swirling the blood-red liquid against the walls, I focused hollowly on the glass in my hands, and watched as it stuck and distorted the crystal. “I remember how intimate we used to be, how passionate, and frenzied we were,”––I