Sellout by Ebony Joy Wilkins Page B

scooted back toward Red.
    “Okay, ladies, today we’re talking about regret and rebuilding,” she said loudly for all the groups to hear. “Share with your group one regret and one way you plan to rebuild from this regret. Let’s state our rules of discussion out loud please.”
    “Share, respect, and take turns,” the girls yelled together. The room erupted as the girls chanted. Their voices sounded like a hundred balloons popping one after the other.
    As soon as the assignment was given and the chant was over, the girls started to chatter. I was happy to have the attention off of me for a while. I looked around for Tilly. Shewas seated in a circle across the room, three groups away from my own.
    Tilly caught my eye and waved. I waved and turned back to my group. Quiana and her dancing friend waved mockingly at me, too. I smiled weakly and lifted a shaking hand. They shoved each other and started laughing again.
    “Who would like to start us off, ladies?” Red asked.
    “Well, I regret getting knocked up,” a girl on my right blurted out. So much for not talking out of turn. “No one told me it would feel like this.”
    Her stomach nearly reached her knees like the baby could come at any moment.
    “Okay, Maria, tell us more about your regret,” said Red, writing something on her pad. When she wasn’t writing, Red rubbed her hands together or pushed her hair behind her ears or rocked her body like she was in a recliner.
    “I mean, I’m going to love her and everything, but I can’t go with my friends no more and I can’t hang out with my baby’s daddy like I used to,” she said. “If I would have waited, maybe things would be different, you know? I wouldn’t have to go to the doctor every day and I could just kick it again.”
    “You was having too much fun under them sheets,” Quiana said and slapped hands with the Hispanic girl next to her. They both laughed. “Should have thought about that earlier, mami.”
    “Shut up, Quiana,” Maria told her. “I know that already. That’s why I’m talking about it, stupid.”
    “Ladies, please remember to respect one another and wait for your turn,” Red said. “We don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable here.”
    Too late. I shouldn’t be hearing these kinds of things from people I didn’t even know. I was here to help, so I sure hoped Red didn’t expect me to share. I looked back at Tilly, but she was in full conversation, not looking at me.
    “Okay, so, Maria, what have you learned from that regret?” Red asked. “What do you plan on doing to not make that same regret again?”
    “I learned to keep my legs closed,” Maria answered, encouraging the other girls to laugh with her while she held her stomach tightly. “And Carlos will just have to wait.”
    The other girls laughed and reached to feel Maria’s belly. Quiana glared at me the whole time. I smiled along with the other girls. At least the lesson was learned. I imagined life with a baby in my arms. I couldn’t even survive a day by myself without help, let alone taking care of another human being.
    “Who would like to go next?” Red asked, flipping to the next page on her pad. She elbowed a tall Hispanic girl with dirty-blond hair. “Monique? How about you? You usually have a lot to share with us.”
    Monique adjusted her halter top so we could no longer see her purple lace bra, and started talking about stealing money from her mother’s purse.
    “I only took it so I could party with my girls,” she said, smirking. “She wouldn’t have known if I didn’t trip over her on my way out the door.”
    Monique looked upset for a moment, but then started laughing. Her laugh was muffled, though, like someone was holding a hand over her mouth. A couple of the girls joined in but a few looked around at one another, confused. Red, too.
    “Um…Monique, do you mean tripped over something near your mother?” Red asked.
    “Nah, Monique’s momma drinks as much as my parents do,”