honest with
her. But she demanded it from him, there was no other way to
explain it. She stripped him bare and there could be no pretence
with her.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” he said
slowly. “The moment you walked into my office something clicked in
me. I don’t even know what it was, but I’m not going to play games
here. I’m not going to pretend to feel less than I do. When I say I
want you I mean it in every way.”
“Jude…”
“You do something to me, Louise,” he
continued. “Something that makes no sense. The idea of you with
that fucking fiancé of yours...” He paused, the familiar anger
shooting through his system. “It burns me, makes me so fucking mad.
I rage whenever I think of it.”
“You shouldn’t be thinking of it,” Louise
whispered. “Of William and me. It isn’t right.”
“It’s unavoidable. How would you feel if the
situation was reversed?”
“I…” Louise shook her head. “I wouldn’t be
chasing you.”
“No,” Jude said, unclenching his fists,
trying to get a hold of his temper. “You wouldn’t would you? You’d
simply lower those eyes of yours, and keep your feelings bottled
up. But I can’t do that. It’s impossible. I want and I get, it’s
always been that way for me.”
“You can’t have everything you want.”
“I have so far.”
“Then maybe it’s about time you learned
otherwise.”
“Maybe it is,” he agreed. “But it won’t be
this time, not us.”
She turned away again, strode off towards
her car, but still he heard her words. “Jude, there is no us.”
“You know there is,” he grated. “Already
after just three days it’s there. Feels like it’s been there for
months. You know I asked myself last night what I’d be doing if you
were married already.”
Once again his words made her halt, her hand
on the handle of her car. “And?”
“I like to think I would have kept my
distance, I like to think that is a line I wouldn’t cross, but
Louise…” He sighed. “I have a nasty suspicion that I’m lying to
myself. I think even if you were married, if that ring was a
different kind, I’d still want you, and I’d still chase you.”
“Marriage vows are sacred. Breaking them is
wrong.”
“Of course it is.” Jude agreed as he walked
the distance between them, pausing right in front of her. “Just
another reason why you can’t marry him.”
“Sorry?”
“He’s not the man for you.”
She glared and took a step back. “You don’t
know that. You can’t know that.”
“I do. Because fact of the matter is, if he
was, you wouldn’t feel the way you do about me.”
***
With one sentence, one comment, Jude managed
to sum up everything that Louise had been thinking for the past few
days. It was like he’d reached into her mind, the part she was
trying to desperately ignore, and read everything that was in
there. The lust, the shame, the excitement…that horrible, stomach
churning excitement.
“I don’t have feelings for you,” she
lied.
“Stop,” he said. “Just stop. We’re well past
that point now.”
“Jude—”
“Louise, you can’t lie to me, not about
this, it’s too important.”
He was close to her. Too close all over
again. Louise could practically feel the tension arching between
them, and she was sure that he could hear the racing of her
heart.
“We just met,” she said, trying to find
something, some sort of barrier to put between them. “We’ve known
each other a handful of days.”
“I guess it must just happen that way
sometimes. Isn’t it what the poets write about? The songs? I always
thought they were bullshit. I was wrong.”
She groaned, closed her eyes, tried to
remove his words from her overexcited brain. “Don’t do this to me.
Please, don’t.”
“I have to,” he insisted. “I can’t not. Just
tell me, be honest with me, and I swear I will get in that car and
drive away. I’ll let you see yourself home, keep your denial a
little longer. You can
her. But she demanded it from him, there was no other way to
explain it. She stripped him bare and there could be no pretence
with her.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” he said
slowly. “The moment you walked into my office something clicked in
me. I don’t even know what it was, but I’m not going to play games
here. I’m not going to pretend to feel less than I do. When I say I
want you I mean it in every way.”
“Jude…”
“You do something to me, Louise,” he
continued. “Something that makes no sense. The idea of you with
that fucking fiancé of yours...” He paused, the familiar anger
shooting through his system. “It burns me, makes me so fucking mad.
I rage whenever I think of it.”
“You shouldn’t be thinking of it,” Louise
whispered. “Of William and me. It isn’t right.”
“It’s unavoidable. How would you feel if the
situation was reversed?”
“I…” Louise shook her head. “I wouldn’t be
chasing you.”
“No,” Jude said, unclenching his fists,
trying to get a hold of his temper. “You wouldn’t would you? You’d
simply lower those eyes of yours, and keep your feelings bottled
up. But I can’t do that. It’s impossible. I want and I get, it’s
always been that way for me.”
“You can’t have everything you want.”
“I have so far.”
“Then maybe it’s about time you learned
otherwise.”
“Maybe it is,” he agreed. “But it won’t be
this time, not us.”
She turned away again, strode off towards
her car, but still he heard her words. “Jude, there is no us.”
“You know there is,” he grated. “Already
after just three days it’s there. Feels like it’s been there for
months. You know I asked myself last night what I’d be doing if you
were married already.”
Once again his words made her halt, her hand
on the handle of her car. “And?”
“I like to think I would have kept my
distance, I like to think that is a line I wouldn’t cross, but
Louise…” He sighed. “I have a nasty suspicion that I’m lying to
myself. I think even if you were married, if that ring was a
different kind, I’d still want you, and I’d still chase you.”
“Marriage vows are sacred. Breaking them is
wrong.”
“Of course it is.” Jude agreed as he walked
the distance between them, pausing right in front of her. “Just
another reason why you can’t marry him.”
“Sorry?”
“He’s not the man for you.”
She glared and took a step back. “You don’t
know that. You can’t know that.”
“I do. Because fact of the matter is, if he
was, you wouldn’t feel the way you do about me.”
***
With one sentence, one comment, Jude managed
to sum up everything that Louise had been thinking for the past few
days. It was like he’d reached into her mind, the part she was
trying to desperately ignore, and read everything that was in
there. The lust, the shame, the excitement…that horrible, stomach
churning excitement.
“I don’t have feelings for you,” she
lied.
“Stop,” he said. “Just stop. We’re well past
that point now.”
“Jude—”
“Louise, you can’t lie to me, not about
this, it’s too important.”
He was close to her. Too close all over
again. Louise could practically feel the tension arching between
them, and she was sure that he could hear the racing of her
heart.
“We just met,” she said, trying to find
something, some sort of barrier to put between them. “We’ve known
each other a handful of days.”
“I guess it must just happen that way
sometimes. Isn’t it what the poets write about? The songs? I always
thought they were bullshit. I was wrong.”
She groaned, closed her eyes, tried to
remove his words from her overexcited brain. “Don’t do this to me.
Please, don’t.”
“I have to,” he insisted. “I can’t not. Just
tell me, be honest with me, and I swear I will get in that car and
drive away. I’ll let you see yourself home, keep your denial a
little longer. You can
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