Sex & God: How Religion Distorts Sexuality by Darrel Ray Page B

head of the family total control and treat women as property with economic and political value. Both are strongly patriarchal and punish women more than men for sexual transgressions. Both have a strong shame focus.
    The modern approach of Christianity, based on individualistic guilt, does not allow it to stone people, chop off their heads or shame them into becoming suicide bombers. Were Christianity in a position to put women to death for wearing a bikini, or failing to fast during Lent, there would be far less secularism. That is the advantage of Islam. Fail to fast during Ramadan in Iran or Saudi Arabia or any number of other countries, and you risk bodily harm – to say nothing of wearing a bikini.
    How does Islam accomplish this? From birth, its adherents are deeply infected with ideas of honor and shame. When communities of Muslims develop in new countries, they form tight communities that facilitate enforcement of religious principles. If possible, they even set up alternate courts to enforce Shari’a Law. How is this different from the Irish in New York or the Indians in London? The answer is that while such subcultures have their own customs and traditions, none ever successfully implemented separate systems of enforcement equal to Muslim communities. The murder of Theo Van Gogh, the fatwa on Salman Rushdie, the death threats to the former Dutch parliamentarian Ayaan Hirsi Ali, 37 the riots, death threats and killings over the Mohammed cartoons, the honor killings of young women in Holland, are all examples of the shame culture of Islam in action.
    The simple psychology of shame uses early childhood terror and natural defensive mechanisms to ensure conformity. Sanctions do not need to occur often. As long as children see and hear of them occasionally, they will internalize them. Westerners are horrified at the public beheadings in Saudi Arabia or stories of young girls being killed by their own brothersfor running off with a boyfriend. A Muslim father in Toronto killed his daughter for defying him and writing her boyfriend.
    Imagine what such stories do to Muslim children who live inside the culture and communities, even in Western countries. In the secular West, we know such things will not happen to us. Children in Muslim cultures have no such assurances. Even if they have kind, loving, less religious parents, they are still finely tuned to their religion. They easily internalize the terror that such a fate could befall them if they do not adhere to the dictates of Allah.
Male Shame
    While men may not suffer shame as much as women, it is still a constant force in the lives of Muslims. Males are responsible for the chastity of all women in their household, for defending the faith and for avenging insults to the religion. They must show courage in battle so as not to bring shame on their families or communities. The male side of Islamic shame requires punitive measures for anyone who would bring imagined filth upon Allah or Mohammed. Therefore, men are compelled to ensure purity within their family and community.
    Today, Islam effectively resists secularization primarily because of its use of shame. Within the community, each person’s sexuality is tied to his or her family and to the community. To violate the sexual rules of Allah violates both the family and the community. This powerful distortion allows Islam to remain isolated from secular sexual influences. The terror of social sanction or violence keeps young people from following their heart. It prevents healthy sexual exploration and development in men and women.
Shame and Modern Cults
    Modern cults like Mormonism, Jehovah’s Witnesses and Scientology are more shame-based than mainstream Christian groups. Cults tend to create a closed community where members are isolated from the rest of the world through deep indoctrination. At the same time, the system requires members to watch one another and report violations of behavior or doctrine to an authority