to the fridge, Beth’s magnet cracking underfoot. I popped the can and drew hard. I tasted nothing. Bubbles burned my throat.
“Crap soda!” I yelled slamming the can in the sink. A breakfast dish cracked. I did not care. Alone and helpless, maniacal thoughts flooded my mind. My tears gushed suddenly, I was out of control. Strength left my legs and I sank to the floor, my back against the fridge. So racked by sorrow, I did not notice how I cut my hand. Blood on the floor tile tainted three chunks of broken plastic. Vegas .
“Fuck!” I had broken Beth’s fridge magnet. This sent a new wave of grief through me. With each breath, more tears. I rolled onto my side sobbing, gripping the pieces of Beth’s Vegas in my bleeding hands.
I needed my wife here with me. I couldn’t cope without Beth and Jonathan. And, now that Bailey was leaving me I didn’t know what I could do to stave off the advances of the Shadowed Soul. My loneliness consumed me. My bloodied hands clutched at my hair as sadness and grief consumed me.
As always, my loyal friend came to me.
Bailey’s big friendly face nuzzled my hands, his nose sniffing out emotions that mummified me. Licking the trails of salty tears, Bailey lay down on the floor and I wrapped my arms around his reliable neck, my face finding comfort in the silky fur. His warmth anaesthetised my sadness. He waited patiently as I wept.
Reclaiming my composure, I sat up and patted Bailey.
“Good dog,” I murmured.
Although I was completely wiped out, I got it together long enough to get off the floor. Together Bailey and I went to the couch and stared at a meaningless television screen. Bailey sat beside me, allowing me to stroke his head.
“Maybe this won’t be too bad, Bailey,” I said. “I mean logically, it’s best for everyone. Beth and Jonathan and you in the same place, all safe and secure. Then I can find a way to deal with Fuck Head once and for all.” I needed time to finally banish the Shadowed Soul from my life and I couldn’t do that with the distractions of a baby in the house. It was a haul to visit Beth but it was not like they were moving away. I could see them every day if I wanted to. I would be more than fine. It meant that in the times between work and visiting I could finally get around to the things that I had not been able to do yet.
The room seemed to brighten and I felt good. I was much stronger than my Shadowed Soul. He was merely an imaginary construct whom I had invented to explain away my childhood pains. I knew that there was some physiological reasoning behind my depressions but it was not down to some sinister magic figure. I could get beyond it. Although I had not managed too well in the past, I had never had the proper time or motivation to beat it before. It was different now; I had a son and I suddenly had the time.
Bailey, sensing that I was calm now, stretched out in his favourite spot. Before closing his eyes, Bailey looked at me for a long moment as if to say, “You okay now, man?”
“I’m okay, Bailey,” I assured him and got up to give him a pat. Content with my answer, he stretched out on his side. I watched him till he fell asleep.
“Good dog,” I whispered as he twitched chasing rabbits in his sleep. “You’re going to love being with Beth and Jonathan.” Knowing Bailey would protect Jonathan more than Pete ever could allowed me to relax further. Bailey’s soul had no complications. If he loved then that was what he did forever. There was no jealousy, no anger, just steady, generous love.
Relaxed and happy now, I felt everything was going to be fine and all the world was going to be right and as it should be. My son was going to grow up knowing that he was loved and that the people who were responsible for him were strong and secure. He would not be subjected to the sadness and cold distance that had been my childhood and
“Crap soda!” I yelled slamming the can in the sink. A breakfast dish cracked. I did not care. Alone and helpless, maniacal thoughts flooded my mind. My tears gushed suddenly, I was out of control. Strength left my legs and I sank to the floor, my back against the fridge. So racked by sorrow, I did not notice how I cut my hand. Blood on the floor tile tainted three chunks of broken plastic. Vegas .
“Fuck!” I had broken Beth’s fridge magnet. This sent a new wave of grief through me. With each breath, more tears. I rolled onto my side sobbing, gripping the pieces of Beth’s Vegas in my bleeding hands.
I needed my wife here with me. I couldn’t cope without Beth and Jonathan. And, now that Bailey was leaving me I didn’t know what I could do to stave off the advances of the Shadowed Soul. My loneliness consumed me. My bloodied hands clutched at my hair as sadness and grief consumed me.
As always, my loyal friend came to me.
Bailey’s big friendly face nuzzled my hands, his nose sniffing out emotions that mummified me. Licking the trails of salty tears, Bailey lay down on the floor and I wrapped my arms around his reliable neck, my face finding comfort in the silky fur. His warmth anaesthetised my sadness. He waited patiently as I wept.
Reclaiming my composure, I sat up and patted Bailey.
“Good dog,” I murmured.
Although I was completely wiped out, I got it together long enough to get off the floor. Together Bailey and I went to the couch and stared at a meaningless television screen. Bailey sat beside me, allowing me to stroke his head.
“Maybe this won’t be too bad, Bailey,” I said. “I mean logically, it’s best for everyone. Beth and Jonathan and you in the same place, all safe and secure. Then I can find a way to deal with Fuck Head once and for all.” I needed time to finally banish the Shadowed Soul from my life and I couldn’t do that with the distractions of a baby in the house. It was a haul to visit Beth but it was not like they were moving away. I could see them every day if I wanted to. I would be more than fine. It meant that in the times between work and visiting I could finally get around to the things that I had not been able to do yet.
The room seemed to brighten and I felt good. I was much stronger than my Shadowed Soul. He was merely an imaginary construct whom I had invented to explain away my childhood pains. I knew that there was some physiological reasoning behind my depressions but it was not down to some sinister magic figure. I could get beyond it. Although I had not managed too well in the past, I had never had the proper time or motivation to beat it before. It was different now; I had a son and I suddenly had the time.
Bailey, sensing that I was calm now, stretched out in his favourite spot. Before closing his eyes, Bailey looked at me for a long moment as if to say, “You okay now, man?”
“I’m okay, Bailey,” I assured him and got up to give him a pat. Content with my answer, he stretched out on his side. I watched him till he fell asleep.
“Good dog,” I whispered as he twitched chasing rabbits in his sleep. “You’re going to love being with Beth and Jonathan.” Knowing Bailey would protect Jonathan more than Pete ever could allowed me to relax further. Bailey’s soul had no complications. If he loved then that was what he did forever. There was no jealousy, no anger, just steady, generous love.
Relaxed and happy now, I felt everything was going to be fine and all the world was going to be right and as it should be. My son was going to grow up knowing that he was loved and that the people who were responsible for him were strong and secure. He would not be subjected to the sadness and cold distance that had been my childhood and
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