Marilyn Monroe’s secret Mexican marriage. Marilyn grovels, grateful. She knows a sapphic sister with a sometimes yen for men.
The phone rang. I picked up. Arthur Crowley said, “There’s trouble, Freddy.”
I said, “Hit me.”
“I got a tip. Johnnie Ray’s been to a libel lawyer. He’s suing the magazine. I know that you verified the story, but he’s going forward anyway. I strongly suggest that you nip this in the bud.”
Men’s Room Mishegas : Jittery Johnnie Strikes Again.
I verified the story. Confidential ran it. This was unprecedented grief.
“My Marines are on maneuvers, Arthur. There’s no one to handle it.”
“ You handle it, Freddy. Take care of it before that tip gets back to Bob Harrison.”
I hung up. My nerves were nuked. I took three quick pops of Old Crow. Joi was tight with Johnnie. They girl-talked regular. I liked Johnnie. Jimmy screened The Stacked and the Hung for him personally.
I dropped three yellow jackets and obliterated the day. I woke up at midnight. Johnnie always hit Googie’s after his closing set. He always parked in the same spot.
A short stroll, spring heat, a brisk breeze. I walked over and leaned on Johnnie’s Packard Caribbean. Johnnie swished out at 1:15.
He saw me. He got the gestalt. He said, “Hi, Freddy.”
I said, “Don’t make me, kid. I’ll keep you out from now on, but you’ve got to stop it here.”
Johnnie said, “You’re a parasite, Freddy. You feed off the weak. I’m not backing off. I don’t see any of your goons around, so you’ll have to do it yourself.”
Parasite, parasite, parasite—
“Let it go, Johnnie. You can’t win this one.”
“ You’re the weak one, Freddy. Joi told me that you cry out for your mother in your sleep.”
I trembled. “One more time. No lawsuit.”
“You’re a mama’s boy, Freddy. Joi told me you fucked a tranny, which makes you more queer than me.”
I saw red and black-red. I hit him. My signet ring slashed his cheek. He went down on his knees. I picked him up and tossed him into his car. I heard bones crack and teeth shear. The bumper ledge gouged his head at the hairline. I kicked him and tore a chunk of his scalp free.
He said, “Okay, okay, okay.” No whimper—strong.
I said, “I’m sorry, kid.”
Johnnie spit blood and twirled a fuck-you finger at me.
9
The market was 2 a.m. quiet. Jimmy and I quaffed Old Crow. I was spritzed with Johnnie Ray’s blood.
Jimmy said, “I’m up for the lead in East of Eden. Elia Kazan’s waffling. It could go either way.”
“I’ll lean on Kazan. He’s susceptible. There’s some pinkos he didn’t rat to HUAC.”
Jimmy walked to the mirror and pointed down at the floor. My hands hurt. My signet ring was missing stones.
“That kid’s down there, Freddy. You know, the one with the wagon.”
I got up and looked. The kid off-loaded magazines. The wagon was positioned sideways. red ryder was painted on it.
“Jimmy, do you know why you’re a freak?”
“I don’t know, Freddy. Do you know why you are?”
I thought about it.
I said, “I don’t know.”
10
I’m perched in purgatory. I’ve purged the most perverted part of my hellacious history. My brain waves broiled in seditious sync with James Ellroy’s. It was a carcinogenic collaboration. We collided over commas, colons, and alluring alliteration. Ellroy finally dumped his Otash TV show on a cable network. He’ll get more rich and famous. Did he do a deal with the devil? Has my heartfelt hope of heaven gone pffft ?
It has.
My keepers have convened a kangaroo court. My transfer to heaven has been stamped “still pending.”
I’m deep in the dumps. They took my old body back. I’m perpetually 70 years old and dead.
My ass hurts. Johnnie Ray pitchforked me an hour ago. Kate Hepburn was next. Sweetie, you did do Rex the Rottweiler—all I wanted was ten grand for the pics!
Aaaaaah —I’ve got third-degree burns!!!!
I’ve petitioned my head keeper for a heaven day
The phone rang. I picked up. Arthur Crowley said, “There’s trouble, Freddy.”
I said, “Hit me.”
“I got a tip. Johnnie Ray’s been to a libel lawyer. He’s suing the magazine. I know that you verified the story, but he’s going forward anyway. I strongly suggest that you nip this in the bud.”
Men’s Room Mishegas : Jittery Johnnie Strikes Again.
I verified the story. Confidential ran it. This was unprecedented grief.
“My Marines are on maneuvers, Arthur. There’s no one to handle it.”
“ You handle it, Freddy. Take care of it before that tip gets back to Bob Harrison.”
I hung up. My nerves were nuked. I took three quick pops of Old Crow. Joi was tight with Johnnie. They girl-talked regular. I liked Johnnie. Jimmy screened The Stacked and the Hung for him personally.
I dropped three yellow jackets and obliterated the day. I woke up at midnight. Johnnie always hit Googie’s after his closing set. He always parked in the same spot.
A short stroll, spring heat, a brisk breeze. I walked over and leaned on Johnnie’s Packard Caribbean. Johnnie swished out at 1:15.
He saw me. He got the gestalt. He said, “Hi, Freddy.”
I said, “Don’t make me, kid. I’ll keep you out from now on, but you’ve got to stop it here.”
Johnnie said, “You’re a parasite, Freddy. You feed off the weak. I’m not backing off. I don’t see any of your goons around, so you’ll have to do it yourself.”
Parasite, parasite, parasite—
“Let it go, Johnnie. You can’t win this one.”
“ You’re the weak one, Freddy. Joi told me that you cry out for your mother in your sleep.”
I trembled. “One more time. No lawsuit.”
“You’re a mama’s boy, Freddy. Joi told me you fucked a tranny, which makes you more queer than me.”
I saw red and black-red. I hit him. My signet ring slashed his cheek. He went down on his knees. I picked him up and tossed him into his car. I heard bones crack and teeth shear. The bumper ledge gouged his head at the hairline. I kicked him and tore a chunk of his scalp free.
He said, “Okay, okay, okay.” No whimper—strong.
I said, “I’m sorry, kid.”
Johnnie spit blood and twirled a fuck-you finger at me.
9
The market was 2 a.m. quiet. Jimmy and I quaffed Old Crow. I was spritzed with Johnnie Ray’s blood.
Jimmy said, “I’m up for the lead in East of Eden. Elia Kazan’s waffling. It could go either way.”
“I’ll lean on Kazan. He’s susceptible. There’s some pinkos he didn’t rat to HUAC.”
Jimmy walked to the mirror and pointed down at the floor. My hands hurt. My signet ring was missing stones.
“That kid’s down there, Freddy. You know, the one with the wagon.”
I got up and looked. The kid off-loaded magazines. The wagon was positioned sideways. red ryder was painted on it.
“Jimmy, do you know why you’re a freak?”
“I don’t know, Freddy. Do you know why you are?”
I thought about it.
I said, “I don’t know.”
10
I’m perched in purgatory. I’ve purged the most perverted part of my hellacious history. My brain waves broiled in seditious sync with James Ellroy’s. It was a carcinogenic collaboration. We collided over commas, colons, and alluring alliteration. Ellroy finally dumped his Otash TV show on a cable network. He’ll get more rich and famous. Did he do a deal with the devil? Has my heartfelt hope of heaven gone pffft ?
It has.
My keepers have convened a kangaroo court. My transfer to heaven has been stamped “still pending.”
I’m deep in the dumps. They took my old body back. I’m perpetually 70 years old and dead.
My ass hurts. Johnnie Ray pitchforked me an hour ago. Kate Hepburn was next. Sweetie, you did do Rex the Rottweiler—all I wanted was ten grand for the pics!
Aaaaaah —I’ve got third-degree burns!!!!
I’ve petitioned my head keeper for a heaven day
Similar Books
