grabbed his own from a nearby tuna spread.
As they moved around the room a shape began to take form in the center. First it looked like a person sized stick and then, as they moved further around, the shape became the clear form of Cartoon Kirk.
Bob thrust forward the knife. He was getting tired of all this, “Bill, you get him from behind.” They began to move at him.
Cartoon Kirk got to his knees and put his face in his hands. “Please…just…do…it.”
Shatner and Bob paused in their approach and looked at each other. This was not what they were expecting. They lowered their knives and moved cautiously forward, ready for this to be some kind of trap.
Cartoon Kirk started sobbing, “Please.”
They stood around the two-dimensional Shatner. There was no back and front to the living animation. Though Shatner and Bob were on different sides, they looked down at the same sad image of a crying man.
Cartoon Kirk jumped up and spread out his arms wide.
Shatner screamed and jumped back while slashing with the knife. The blade cut through the figure easily, tearing him from the belly-button to just beneath his left armpit—to Bob it was the right.
Everyone froze and stared at the flapping rip. Cartoon Kirk did not lose any sturdiness to his figure and appeared to be otherwise unharmed. He looked down at the cut and dejectedly flopped his arms down. He stared straight ahead at Shatner and Bob.
Bob was getting confused. “Are you…OK?”
“We…do…not…belong here…I…can’t…be here,” his eyes shifted to meet Shatner and Bob’s, “but you…two…do…you are …real…Shatners.”
Bob couldn’t help but feel pride well up inside at being called a “real Shatner.” THE William Shatner was annoyed.
“But…life is…precious…to live…to be free…why would…anyone want to…give that up?” Shatner asked.
“I…am…a…shadow of a shadow,” said Cartoon Kirk weakly, “the others…are angry…I’m not…real enough…for anger…you’d…want…to die too.”
They were all silent.
“OK,” said Bob, “let’s give him what he wants. But how do you purpose we do it.” He reached forward and batted the cut flap of cartoon flesh with his hand, “this didn’t work.”
“I…don’t…know,” said Cartoon Kirk, “but…I…can’t live like this.”
Shatner thought hard and then snapped his fingers. “Fire.”
“Fire?” asked Bob.
“You…ever…see a film reel…burn up…in a projector?”
“Yeah,” said Bob, “but where are we going to get fire from.”
“The…bags,” said Shatner pointing, “the purses…and backpacks…surely one of them…belonged…to a smoker.”
Bob nodded and went over to a nearby purse and started digging through it. Shatner found a briefcase and popped it open. Cartoon Kirk watched them without any display of emotion. After checking a few bags, they each found a lighter.
They walked back to Cartoon Kirk
“Are…you…sure about this,” asked Shatner.
Cartoon Kirk nodded, “I’m…ready.”
Shatner and Bob kneeled down in front of Cartoon Kirk, who crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes.
They flicked on the lighters.
“This is the most fucked up thing I’ve ever
As they moved around the room a shape began to take form in the center. First it looked like a person sized stick and then, as they moved further around, the shape became the clear form of Cartoon Kirk.
Bob thrust forward the knife. He was getting tired of all this, “Bill, you get him from behind.” They began to move at him.
Cartoon Kirk got to his knees and put his face in his hands. “Please…just…do…it.”
Shatner and Bob paused in their approach and looked at each other. This was not what they were expecting. They lowered their knives and moved cautiously forward, ready for this to be some kind of trap.
Cartoon Kirk started sobbing, “Please.”
They stood around the two-dimensional Shatner. There was no back and front to the living animation. Though Shatner and Bob were on different sides, they looked down at the same sad image of a crying man.
Cartoon Kirk jumped up and spread out his arms wide.
Shatner screamed and jumped back while slashing with the knife. The blade cut through the figure easily, tearing him from the belly-button to just beneath his left armpit—to Bob it was the right.
Everyone froze and stared at the flapping rip. Cartoon Kirk did not lose any sturdiness to his figure and appeared to be otherwise unharmed. He looked down at the cut and dejectedly flopped his arms down. He stared straight ahead at Shatner and Bob.
Bob was getting confused. “Are you…OK?”
“We…do…not…belong here…I…can’t…be here,” his eyes shifted to meet Shatner and Bob’s, “but you…two…do…you are …real…Shatners.”
Bob couldn’t help but feel pride well up inside at being called a “real Shatner.” THE William Shatner was annoyed.
“But…life is…precious…to live…to be free…why would…anyone want to…give that up?” Shatner asked.
“I…am…a…shadow of a shadow,” said Cartoon Kirk weakly, “the others…are angry…I’m not…real enough…for anger…you’d…want…to die too.”
They were all silent.
“OK,” said Bob, “let’s give him what he wants. But how do you purpose we do it.” He reached forward and batted the cut flap of cartoon flesh with his hand, “this didn’t work.”
“I…don’t…know,” said Cartoon Kirk, “but…I…can’t live like this.”
Shatner thought hard and then snapped his fingers. “Fire.”
“Fire?” asked Bob.
“You…ever…see a film reel…burn up…in a projector?”
“Yeah,” said Bob, “but where are we going to get fire from.”
“The…bags,” said Shatner pointing, “the purses…and backpacks…surely one of them…belonged…to a smoker.”
Bob nodded and went over to a nearby purse and started digging through it. Shatner found a briefcase and popped it open. Cartoon Kirk watched them without any display of emotion. After checking a few bags, they each found a lighter.
They walked back to Cartoon Kirk
“Are…you…sure about this,” asked Shatner.
Cartoon Kirk nodded, “I’m…ready.”
Shatner and Bob kneeled down in front of Cartoon Kirk, who crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes.
They flicked on the lighters.
“This is the most fucked up thing I’ve ever
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