She Survived by M. William Phelps Page B

attacks similar to Melissa’s, cops told her over the phone.
    Thus, Melissa felt a bit safer after Saxton’s arrest. Up until then, it had been difficult for her to believe law enforcement would ever catch the guy. Not because of incompetence or shoddy police investigation tactics, but because of sheer luck. This was something they hadn’t experienced in Melissa’s case until that night Saxton was caught in the act and everything fell into place.
    â€œHow confident was I he would be caught?” Melissa considered later. “Honestly, not very much. I knew the forty-eight-hour rule. And considering I burned that time up while in the hospital and they had nothing when I got out, I was less hopeful. Plus, knowing I had no clear description and the fact that unless this person’s fingerprints were actually already on file, there would be no hope of knowing who it was. So no, I was not very confident he would ever be caught.”
    This made Scott Saxton’s arrest all that much more gratifying for Melissa. But still, leading up to the arrest, Melissa had been feeling the effects of being the victim of a serious violent crime and the social stigmas and judgments that some in law enforcement had made. (Simultaneously Melissa would always point out that Becky Buttram and many others from the MCSD were kind, always thoughtful, sympathetic, and not like a few bad seeds at all.)

    Another thing I need to say is that at the time I came back from Florida, and by the time of the arrest, my jaws were still wired shut. I had also been sent by the victim’s assistance and prosecutor’s office to a psychologist provided by the state under the victim’s assistance fund. However, I learned that she was actually a student, or in training, and it definitely showed that she had no clue how to handle a situation such as this. Nor did she have any business doing so.
    At the third visit, when she told me she felt I wasn’t “talking about this enough,” I had to point out to her that my freaking jaws were wired shut and the doctor said it was a miracle I was talking at all. She was wrong—I was talking . . . but her response was always “You need to own that feeling.” I looked at her and said: “You’re full of bullshit.” I left and never went back.
    I was not there for someone to feed me textbook phrases and basically call me a liar. I truly was receiving more therapy from coworkers and customers and friends than she was providing. I did not like the fact that the prosecutor kept saying it was going to hurt my case that I was not going to a therapist. But I could not continue to see someone who was truly not helping me with the issues I really needed help with—such as, Would I ever be able to sleep again? Not to mention the depression that was going to eventually set in.

    Melissa felt she was being mistreated by some of those people put in place to help and protect her.
    â€œSometimes the victim is victimized over and over by those who are actually supposed to help,” Melissa recalled.
    Many survivors of traumatic violent crimes make this same claim: that some of the first responders and those in charge later on of investigating the case (in some instances, not all) become insensitive and begin to question the victim as though she is holding things back. Mostly, it’s a response to not having solved a case. In some rare instances, of course, the blame-the-victim game is going on—but that is definitely not the norm. Law enforcement and legal professionals care about victims.
    â€œTake for instance the night of the actual attack,” Melissa claimed, again talking about the lack of compassion she said she experienced. “When the [first officer] arrived at my door, after making sure the place was secure and finally calling for an ambulance, he tried questioning me as to what had happened. I told him how I was beaten and stabbed and really needed