dressed as if she were on her way to some chic gallery opening.
All of us in front of the tree, Claire giving my father a blue silk tie heâd never wear, my mother a kit of makeup sheâd never use.
One night before she went back to New York, she took me to dinner at a nice restaurant downtown where some older guy she knew worked as a waiter.
Iâm sure my mother saw Claire as mannered and ridiculous, but she seemed so elegant and sophisticated to me. The way she flirted with her friend, and so effortlessly ordered us wine.
âHold the glass by its stem, Joey,â she said.
I tried to make fun of her. There had been a time when I could have quickly embarrassed and provoked my sister. But now I was powerless.
She smiled at me with the tolerance some adults have for the innocent.
She wanted to know what I would do, not after high school, but after college, with my life.
Of course, I had no idea and told her so.
âYouâll get out of here, though, right? You wonât hang around and become a carpenter.â
âI guess,â I said.
I was sixteen. What did I care? But she was adamant about me leaving.
âListen,â she said. âDonât get stuck, Joe. Thereâs so much better.â
I tried to make fun of her again. I said, âA few months in New York, and suddenly you hate your home.â
But she didnât laugh. âI donât hate it. But also, itâs not all of a sudden. Anyway, thereâs more out there to have, thatâs all. Remember that. You can go anywhere you want.â
âOkay,â I said. âBut I like it here.â
She smiled at me. âWell, you are the baby.â
âFuck off. What do you want to do? What great thing do you want to do?â
âI donât know yet,â she said, âbut it wonât be here. I wonât end up a fucking nurse.â
Weâd taken my momâs Volvo to dinner and when we pulled up to the house, Claire didnât get out of the car. She turned off the engine and the lights, rolled down her window and lit a cigarette.
âSo, now you smoke?â
âYou want one?â She held out her pack of Camels.
I shook my head.
âGood boy, Joey.â She leaned over and kissed my cheek.
I turned away from her even though it made me so happy when she did that. We looked at the house and through the window we could see my parents standing in the kitchen, clearing the table.
24.
O ut toward the eastern edge of the clearing, a small stand of cottonwoods has appeared. Or Iâve just now noticed it. The trees obscure my view and their fluff blows all over the house. It gets stuck in the screens, between the deck planks. I went out there with a bow saw and cut them to the ground and then went below it and took them out at the roots. It felt good to do it. To be working all day in the sun. Cutting those trees away. Keeping things in order.
But then as I was coming back home I found a wide patch of Scotch Broom, one of those invasive species weâre supposed to kill on sight. Despite its cute little flowers, itâs an aggressive little fucker and swallows everything in its path. I hear it can kill horses, too. Tess rolled her eyes when we found the flyer in our mailbox. I admit, it was a little hysterical. All those exclamation points, language as if the weed were Satan himself. Beware the curse of Scotch Broom scourge!!!!!
But I keep an eye out all the same. This is farm country and people donât fuck around with these things.
I took the machete from the garage and just before sunset, I hacked those invaders to death.
25.
T hey sent my mother down to White Pine, one hundred and fifty some-odd miles southwest of Seattle. September seventeenth she traveled. She accepted all of it without contest. Despite my fatherâs best efforts, she insisted on a public defender, who took a plea bargain.
Twenty-five years to life.
âI did what I did,â she told
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