kick the shit out of someone for a lot of people we knew.”
“So you started going out with Jennifer. I get that, Jess, I really do. But why?”
“Didn’t I tell you?” Jesse finished with a humorless smile. “Because I didn’t want to lose you. I loved you, or at least I thought I did.” He swallowed. “I didn’t have the guts to be with you, and I didn’t have the guts to let you go. And then when Jenn ended up pregnant, ah, Geoff, I couldn’t bear to tell you. You had such a way of looking at me back then. I didn’t want to lose that. Like I was special, like you thought the world of me.”
“I did,” Geoff pointed out in a steady voice.
Jesse returned his gaze with a grimace. “Finally telling you was the hardest thing I ever did, to see how much I hurt you. I’m so sorry, Geoff.” The tears finally broke free and ran twin tracks down his cheeks. His eyes begged for understanding. “I wasn’t even twenty. I had no idea how to handle any of it. And then you left without talking to me, but by then we had the twins coming, and work, and school….” He trailed off dismally.
Geoff reached across the table and covered Jesse’s hands with his own. “Hey. It’s okay. I mean, we’re forty now, Jess. A lot of water under the bridge. And look, you got your two boys out of it, right?” Geoff had the brief thought that it was ironic that he was the injured party, and yet he was the one doing the comforting. But he genuinely felt bad for Jess and hated to see him in tears over something that had happened decades ago.
I guess I’m not the only one who was hurt back then. The thought gave him a lot of comfort in a strange way. He had always thought that Jesse didn’t care, that he walked away without a backward glance. Now he knew it had been just as hard on Jesse. And in many respects, the guilt at being the one in the wrong might have been even harder to bear.
Geoff watched closely as Jesse pulled himself together. “You okay?” He gave Jesse’s hands a squeeze, then disengaged one hand, reaching across and using his fingertips to wipe Jesse’s tears away, suddenly not caring one whit whether anyone around them had a problem with it.
The waitress came with their food, glancing between them nervously before setting the plates down. “Sorry to interrupt,” she said softly. “Can I get you anything else?”
Geoff smiled at her reassuringly. “Just the bill, thanks.”
She smiled back and walked away, and Jesse pulled his hand from Geoff’s with a quirk of the lips that hinted at the carefree Jess he had known. “Can’t wait to get away from me, huh?”
Geoff smirked back at him. “Yeah, you big crybaby. C’mon, man up!”
“We are so gay,” Jesse joked.
“Yeah, well, I am anyway.”
“Yeah?” Jesse raised his eyebrows as they started eating.
Geoff shrugged. “The only people I’ve been interested in since my divorce have all been men.”
“Multiple men? So, the one young hottie this week, aaaand…” he drew it out encouragingly.
Geoff flushed. “Well, it was actually two young hotties.”
“Two?” Jesse asked incredulously. “Since last Friday?”
Geoff wished he had never brought it up. “Well, one was a pickup that went really wrong. And no, I’m not giving you details.” He took a bite, more to collect his thoughts than because he was hungry.
“And the other?” Jesse was relentless. He hadn’t changed a bit, and Geoff knew from experience he’d be better off just spilling now and saving himself the headache.
“The other is a friend of a friend.”
Jesse just cocked a brow and waited.
The waitress ended up taking their check back as they added a couple more beers to the tab, followed by some pie and coffee, as they visited for hours. Geoff ended up talking endlessly about Abe and even related the whole embarrassing Troy story. They had a laugh over Geoff wanting to color his hair, although Geoff was still a little chagrined that Jess didn’t have
“So you started going out with Jennifer. I get that, Jess, I really do. But why?”
“Didn’t I tell you?” Jesse finished with a humorless smile. “Because I didn’t want to lose you. I loved you, or at least I thought I did.” He swallowed. “I didn’t have the guts to be with you, and I didn’t have the guts to let you go. And then when Jenn ended up pregnant, ah, Geoff, I couldn’t bear to tell you. You had such a way of looking at me back then. I didn’t want to lose that. Like I was special, like you thought the world of me.”
“I did,” Geoff pointed out in a steady voice.
Jesse returned his gaze with a grimace. “Finally telling you was the hardest thing I ever did, to see how much I hurt you. I’m so sorry, Geoff.” The tears finally broke free and ran twin tracks down his cheeks. His eyes begged for understanding. “I wasn’t even twenty. I had no idea how to handle any of it. And then you left without talking to me, but by then we had the twins coming, and work, and school….” He trailed off dismally.
Geoff reached across the table and covered Jesse’s hands with his own. “Hey. It’s okay. I mean, we’re forty now, Jess. A lot of water under the bridge. And look, you got your two boys out of it, right?” Geoff had the brief thought that it was ironic that he was the injured party, and yet he was the one doing the comforting. But he genuinely felt bad for Jess and hated to see him in tears over something that had happened decades ago.
I guess I’m not the only one who was hurt back then. The thought gave him a lot of comfort in a strange way. He had always thought that Jesse didn’t care, that he walked away without a backward glance. Now he knew it had been just as hard on Jesse. And in many respects, the guilt at being the one in the wrong might have been even harder to bear.
Geoff watched closely as Jesse pulled himself together. “You okay?” He gave Jesse’s hands a squeeze, then disengaged one hand, reaching across and using his fingertips to wipe Jesse’s tears away, suddenly not caring one whit whether anyone around them had a problem with it.
The waitress came with their food, glancing between them nervously before setting the plates down. “Sorry to interrupt,” she said softly. “Can I get you anything else?”
Geoff smiled at her reassuringly. “Just the bill, thanks.”
She smiled back and walked away, and Jesse pulled his hand from Geoff’s with a quirk of the lips that hinted at the carefree Jess he had known. “Can’t wait to get away from me, huh?”
Geoff smirked back at him. “Yeah, you big crybaby. C’mon, man up!”
“We are so gay,” Jesse joked.
“Yeah, well, I am anyway.”
“Yeah?” Jesse raised his eyebrows as they started eating.
Geoff shrugged. “The only people I’ve been interested in since my divorce have all been men.”
“Multiple men? So, the one young hottie this week, aaaand…” he drew it out encouragingly.
Geoff flushed. “Well, it was actually two young hotties.”
“Two?” Jesse asked incredulously. “Since last Friday?”
Geoff wished he had never brought it up. “Well, one was a pickup that went really wrong. And no, I’m not giving you details.” He took a bite, more to collect his thoughts than because he was hungry.
“And the other?” Jesse was relentless. He hadn’t changed a bit, and Geoff knew from experience he’d be better off just spilling now and saving himself the headache.
“The other is a friend of a friend.”
Jesse just cocked a brow and waited.
The waitress ended up taking their check back as they added a couple more beers to the tab, followed by some pie and coffee, as they visited for hours. Geoff ended up talking endlessly about Abe and even related the whole embarrassing Troy story. They had a laugh over Geoff wanting to color his hair, although Geoff was still a little chagrined that Jess didn’t have
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