to get undressed and fuck me properly?”
“I want to fuck you more than I want to breathe, but . . .”
Con slowly set himself to rights and rebuttoned his breeches. “But what?”
Paul gestured at the pair of chairs in front of the fire. “Can we sit down?”
Con did as he was asked, and Paul joined him. Paul sat forward, his hands clasped lightly between his knees, and stared at his boots.
“This is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to say to anyone.”
Con strove for a neutral expression and sat back in his chair. He didn’t say anything, and waited for Paul to look up at him. The anguish in the other man’s face made his gut tighten.
“What’s wrong?”
“I can’t see you anymore.”
Con allowed the words to settle over him like a drift of snow and then slowly stood up. “Then you’ll understand if I wish to be excused.”
Paul grabbed his hand and rose too. “Please, don’t go. Will you at least allow me to explain?”
“I’m not sure there is anything else to say, is there? You have obviously found me not to your liking. There is no crime in that. I’ll find someone else.”
Paul winced, and Con was suddenly glad. It wasn’t like him to be petty, but after just having the best and roughest sex of his life, he was more shaken than perhaps he would like to admit.
“It’s not like that. Please sit down and hear me out.”
Con reluctantly sat and Paul did as well.
“I wish to God this hadn’t happened now, but . . .” He visibly inhaled. “I’m getting married.”
“Married?” Con asked.
“I know, it’s ridiculous, isn’t it?” Paul managed a smile that looked more like a grimace. “But if I have to marry, I’d at least like to try and be faithful to my wife.”
“I see,” Con said.
Paul laughed. “No, you don’t, and I’m not sure that I do either. All I can tell you is that it is a matter of honor and urgency. Otherwise, I would not be doing it.” He hesitated. “Especially now, when I have you.”
“So you haven’t found another man.”
Paul looked into Con’s eyes. “How could I?”
Despite Paul’s words, the pain in the region of Con’s heart redoubled. “If I might be so bold, do you think you will be satisfied married to a woman?”
Paul sighed. “I’ll have to be, won’t I?”
“But she won’t understand your needs.”
“I’m not going to lie to her. I’ve already decided that if she marries me, it will be with the full knowledge of who and what I am.”
“Then you are very brave.” Con hesitated. “I didn’t tell my wife about my particular sexual tastes, and it caused all sorts of problems in our marriage.” Not the kind that Paul was probably envisioning, but bad enough.
“You’re married?” Paul asked.
“I was married at eighteen, when I still lived in Russia and was serving in the Tsar’s army.” He took a steadying breath. “Apparently my wife refused to leave Moscow when the French army were advancing. When I finally reached the charred remnants of our home, there was no sign of her or anything living.”
“I’m sorry, Constantine. I had no idea.”
“It was a long time ago.” Con smiled. “I have all but forgotten about it.” Another lie, but one he’d repeated so often that he almost believed it.
“But you haven’t married again.”
“No.”
Paul reached for his hand. “I wish things were different. I wish I could have you both.”
“That would be my ideal situation as well.” Con brought Paul’s hand to his lips and kissed it.
“Or even better, I wish she was in love with you, and we could find a way to all be together.”
Con found himself smiling at Paul. “And now you are being ridiculous. You cannot arrange the love lives of your friends simply to suit yourself.”
“I suppose not.” Paul sighed. “I just hate having to lose you.”
Con stroked his cheek. “But we must say good-bye. I can scarcely interfere with an honorable man’s duty.”
“I don’t feel very
“I want to fuck you more than I want to breathe, but . . .”
Con slowly set himself to rights and rebuttoned his breeches. “But what?”
Paul gestured at the pair of chairs in front of the fire. “Can we sit down?”
Con did as he was asked, and Paul joined him. Paul sat forward, his hands clasped lightly between his knees, and stared at his boots.
“This is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to say to anyone.”
Con strove for a neutral expression and sat back in his chair. He didn’t say anything, and waited for Paul to look up at him. The anguish in the other man’s face made his gut tighten.
“What’s wrong?”
“I can’t see you anymore.”
Con allowed the words to settle over him like a drift of snow and then slowly stood up. “Then you’ll understand if I wish to be excused.”
Paul grabbed his hand and rose too. “Please, don’t go. Will you at least allow me to explain?”
“I’m not sure there is anything else to say, is there? You have obviously found me not to your liking. There is no crime in that. I’ll find someone else.”
Paul winced, and Con was suddenly glad. It wasn’t like him to be petty, but after just having the best and roughest sex of his life, he was more shaken than perhaps he would like to admit.
“It’s not like that. Please sit down and hear me out.”
Con reluctantly sat and Paul did as well.
“I wish to God this hadn’t happened now, but . . .” He visibly inhaled. “I’m getting married.”
“Married?” Con asked.
“I know, it’s ridiculous, isn’t it?” Paul managed a smile that looked more like a grimace. “But if I have to marry, I’d at least like to try and be faithful to my wife.”
“I see,” Con said.
Paul laughed. “No, you don’t, and I’m not sure that I do either. All I can tell you is that it is a matter of honor and urgency. Otherwise, I would not be doing it.” He hesitated. “Especially now, when I have you.”
“So you haven’t found another man.”
Paul looked into Con’s eyes. “How could I?”
Despite Paul’s words, the pain in the region of Con’s heart redoubled. “If I might be so bold, do you think you will be satisfied married to a woman?”
Paul sighed. “I’ll have to be, won’t I?”
“But she won’t understand your needs.”
“I’m not going to lie to her. I’ve already decided that if she marries me, it will be with the full knowledge of who and what I am.”
“Then you are very brave.” Con hesitated. “I didn’t tell my wife about my particular sexual tastes, and it caused all sorts of problems in our marriage.” Not the kind that Paul was probably envisioning, but bad enough.
“You’re married?” Paul asked.
“I was married at eighteen, when I still lived in Russia and was serving in the Tsar’s army.” He took a steadying breath. “Apparently my wife refused to leave Moscow when the French army were advancing. When I finally reached the charred remnants of our home, there was no sign of her or anything living.”
“I’m sorry, Constantine. I had no idea.”
“It was a long time ago.” Con smiled. “I have all but forgotten about it.” Another lie, but one he’d repeated so often that he almost believed it.
“But you haven’t married again.”
“No.”
Paul reached for his hand. “I wish things were different. I wish I could have you both.”
“That would be my ideal situation as well.” Con brought Paul’s hand to his lips and kissed it.
“Or even better, I wish she was in love with you, and we could find a way to all be together.”
Con found himself smiling at Paul. “And now you are being ridiculous. You cannot arrange the love lives of your friends simply to suit yourself.”
“I suppose not.” Paul sighed. “I just hate having to lose you.”
Con stroked his cheek. “But we must say good-bye. I can scarcely interfere with an honorable man’s duty.”
“I don’t feel very
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