bureaucrat, living in a small town far from the city, concerning myself with the local crops growth and the occasional passing merchant or petty crime. Own a small house like the one I grew up in. I could teach children and train young men who were preparing for the local examinations." He took a breath. "And write poetry. But it will never happen."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm too good at it all—taking examinations and being a scholar. I won't get a job in some backwater town; I'll be placed in the palace more likely than not. Besides, my father would never allow me to be anything less than a palace bureaucrat."
"What does your father have to do with it? He doesn't design your life," Liu Yi snapped, and Wen Yu looked up in surprise.
"I'm sorry." Liu Yi closed his eyes briefly, seeming to calm himself. "I didn't mean it to sound like that, but Wen Yu, you decide what kind of man are, not you father."
It was like he'd be standing at the edge of something for so long, he'd forgotten where he was right up until Liu Yi pushed him off. And, oh, the descent, it was so terrifying, but it also felt like flying. Wen Yu put one hand over his mouth to stifle the small noise that wanted to come out.
"I'm sorry, I said the wrong thing, I'm sorry." On the other side of the table, Liu Yi looked stricken.
"No." Wen Yu shook his head, taking his hand away from his face. "No, it's all right, you were right, you … I needed to hear that."
Liu Yi stared at him before taking a breath. "If it means anything, I think you would make an excellent country bureaucrat."
"Thank you." Wen Yu managed a weak sort of smile.
"Although I will say selfishly I would like to see you stay here in the city." Liu Yi's fingertips brushed his; Wen Yu considered pulling away but left his hand on the table instead. Liu Yi's thumb grazed along the side of Wen Yu's hand.
"I—do you paint or write poetry?" Wen Yu asked, trying to distract both of them.
"Both, actually." Liu Yi shrugged, slowly drawing his hand away from Wen Yu. "I also have been taught history, science, mathematics, politics; anything that might help me with the scholar bureaucrats."
"You paint and write poetry and play the liuqin?" For the first time in his life, Wen Yu felt undereducated and a little untalented.
Now it was Liu Yi's turn to look away in clear embarrassment. "I' m not—it's not as special as it sounds. You … I could never do what you do."
"Trust me, the last thing the world needs is more students trying to work their way through the examinations." Wen Yu rolled his eyes and reached for his tea bowl.
For a long moment, Liu Yi just watched him, lips pursed as if he wanted to say something, then he shook his head and smiled. "True enough. Are you almost finished with your tea?"
"Yes." Wen Yu drained the rest in his bowl.
"Then would you walk with me?" Liu Yi stood, pulling a silk pouch from his robes. He counted out a startling number of coins, depositing them on the table under the watchful eye of the serving boy who seemed to have materialized as soon as Liu Yi had taken out the first coin.
Hesitating, Wen Yu offered Liu Yi his arm, and Liu Yi took it. Together they walked along the stone-paved road that ran next to the canal towards the palace, under the shade of the willow trees.
"Have you thought of marrying?" Liu Yi asked, and Wen Yu's stomach turned over unpleasantly.
"I have," he said, carefully keeping his tone without emotion. "There is a lady with whom I have been friends my whole life. I have considered asking her to marry me if I pass the Palace Examination.
Liu Yi was looking up at him, and Wen Yu found he could not quite meet Liu Yi's eyes. Guilt swamped him as if he'd been lying to Liu Yi somehow, when in reality he'd been doing nothing of the sort.
"Do you love her?" Liu Yi asked.
"She's my friend," Wen Yu said. "One of the most intelligent, practical people I know, but no, I don't love her."
Liu Yi's grip on his arm tightened very slightly. "I would
"Why not?"
"Because I'm too good at it all—taking examinations and being a scholar. I won't get a job in some backwater town; I'll be placed in the palace more likely than not. Besides, my father would never allow me to be anything less than a palace bureaucrat."
"What does your father have to do with it? He doesn't design your life," Liu Yi snapped, and Wen Yu looked up in surprise.
"I'm sorry." Liu Yi closed his eyes briefly, seeming to calm himself. "I didn't mean it to sound like that, but Wen Yu, you decide what kind of man are, not you father."
It was like he'd be standing at the edge of something for so long, he'd forgotten where he was right up until Liu Yi pushed him off. And, oh, the descent, it was so terrifying, but it also felt like flying. Wen Yu put one hand over his mouth to stifle the small noise that wanted to come out.
"I'm sorry, I said the wrong thing, I'm sorry." On the other side of the table, Liu Yi looked stricken.
"No." Wen Yu shook his head, taking his hand away from his face. "No, it's all right, you were right, you … I needed to hear that."
Liu Yi stared at him before taking a breath. "If it means anything, I think you would make an excellent country bureaucrat."
"Thank you." Wen Yu managed a weak sort of smile.
"Although I will say selfishly I would like to see you stay here in the city." Liu Yi's fingertips brushed his; Wen Yu considered pulling away but left his hand on the table instead. Liu Yi's thumb grazed along the side of Wen Yu's hand.
"I—do you paint or write poetry?" Wen Yu asked, trying to distract both of them.
"Both, actually." Liu Yi shrugged, slowly drawing his hand away from Wen Yu. "I also have been taught history, science, mathematics, politics; anything that might help me with the scholar bureaucrats."
"You paint and write poetry and play the liuqin?" For the first time in his life, Wen Yu felt undereducated and a little untalented.
Now it was Liu Yi's turn to look away in clear embarrassment. "I' m not—it's not as special as it sounds. You … I could never do what you do."
"Trust me, the last thing the world needs is more students trying to work their way through the examinations." Wen Yu rolled his eyes and reached for his tea bowl.
For a long moment, Liu Yi just watched him, lips pursed as if he wanted to say something, then he shook his head and smiled. "True enough. Are you almost finished with your tea?"
"Yes." Wen Yu drained the rest in his bowl.
"Then would you walk with me?" Liu Yi stood, pulling a silk pouch from his robes. He counted out a startling number of coins, depositing them on the table under the watchful eye of the serving boy who seemed to have materialized as soon as Liu Yi had taken out the first coin.
Hesitating, Wen Yu offered Liu Yi his arm, and Liu Yi took it. Together they walked along the stone-paved road that ran next to the canal towards the palace, under the shade of the willow trees.
"Have you thought of marrying?" Liu Yi asked, and Wen Yu's stomach turned over unpleasantly.
"I have," he said, carefully keeping his tone without emotion. "There is a lady with whom I have been friends my whole life. I have considered asking her to marry me if I pass the Palace Examination.
Liu Yi was looking up at him, and Wen Yu found he could not quite meet Liu Yi's eyes. Guilt swamped him as if he'd been lying to Liu Yi somehow, when in reality he'd been doing nothing of the sort.
"Do you love her?" Liu Yi asked.
"She's my friend," Wen Yu said. "One of the most intelligent, practical people I know, but no, I don't love her."
Liu Yi's grip on his arm tightened very slightly. "I would
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