Soon by Charlotte Grimshaw Page B

pacing. ‘What do you actually mean by that?’
    â€˜Nothing. Just what I said. It’s great that you’re friends.’
    â€˜You were being sarcastic.’
    He tried to fend her off. ‘I’m just tired, that’s all, and then I had this great whack of gin on an empty stomach. Trent makes it like rocket fuel. Sorry.’
    â€˜I rely on you to be honest,’ she said.
    He reacted to her imperious tone. ‘Really. Are you completely honest?’
    â€˜Of course.’
    â€˜Well, that’s all right then.’
    She planted her hands on her hips. ‘Are you saying I’m not?’
    â€˜No, I’m not saying that.’
    She said, ‘Karen and I get on extremely well, which is lovely for Elke’s sake.’
    â€˜Yes.’
    â€˜It’s Elke who matters. And Johnnie, who now has a big sister.’
    â€˜Yes. Roza, don’t be so intense; I just made a throwaway remark. It’s nothing.’
    â€˜And you and I matter. If I didn’t have you to talk to I’d go insane. Sometimes I think if I have to hear about another book group or charity lunch or fundraising dinner I’ll start screaming.’
    â€˜You need to work out how to live.’
    She laughed, to his relief. ‘I do. What do you recommend?’
    â€˜Work. Hard exercise. Reading. Plenty of sunlight. A good diet.’
    â€˜Oh, if it were that simple.’
    â€˜It is that simple. Or rather, that’s all there is. That’s it, that’s life. And sometimes you find, to your surprise, that you’re happy. But don’t expect to be happy all the time.’
    â€˜ I live in a world I didn’t make .’
    â€˜Exactly. You’re not the only one who’s had to work out how to live. Y’know when you were having your crisis over Elke, I had a few problems too.’ The gin was hot in his stomach and he felt tipsy. ‘If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell Karen, or anyone? It’s important.’
    Roza clasped her hands satirically. ‘I swear.’
    He hesitated, looked around. ‘Back then I was depressed — I now think I was clinically depressed — and I did something crazy. I had an affair.’
    â€˜Simon! How intriguing.’
    â€˜But it wasn’t just any old affair — it was with someone so unsuitable I can hardly believe it.’
    â€˜Unsuitable?’
    â€˜She was . . . not only an ex-patient, although from a long time before, but she was really, um . . .’
    â€˜What?’
    â€˜She was . . . young and impecunious.’
    â€˜You mean she had no money?’
    â€˜Yes. Poor, no education, no prospects.’
    â€˜Was she attractive?’
    â€˜Extremely. But she lived in a sort of chaos . . . in a ramshackle house and . . .’ He broke off with an embarrassed laugh. ‘It was in South Auckland.’
    â€˜South Auckland!’
    â€˜I met her at the airport. She worked in a café there. I recognised her because she’d been a patient years before.’
    Roza laughed. ‘It sounds like Forster, Howard’s End — where the respectable Miss Schlegel has an affair with the lower-class Mr Bast. Everyone said to Forster, “You’ll have to change the plot. A person of Miss Schlegel’s class would never have an affair with a lower-class man.” But Forster refused to change it. Because it was the whole point.’
    â€˜He probably knew it could happen. God,’ Simon looked around uneasily, ‘I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. You’ll keep it secret, won’t you? I can trust you?’
    â€˜Of course you can.’
    He said, tense: ‘In Howard’s End , do they live happily ever after?’
    â€˜No. It’s complicated. Actually Mr Bast gets crushed by a falling bookcase.’
    â€˜Right. Because I’ll tell you something else. Now I’m past it, I wish I