existed only in her head. âWell?â She touched her face, then crossed her arm over her breasts and closed her eyes.
Harskariâs amber eyes seemed to retreat and the lines of her face grew hazy. Then other eyes opened. Purple eyes in an elfin face surrounded by flyaway red-gold curls. Shadith the poet-singer. And black eyes in a rugged scarred face. Swardheld Weaponmaster.
âI think itâs time.â Harskariâs voice was taut with distaste. The others nodded.
With her eyes closed Aleytys saw them standing as if in a dim room with guessed-at walls lost in deep shadow. The three were watching her. She had a sense of being on trial. âWhat is this?â
Shadith and Swardheld glanced at Harskari then retreated into shadow. Harskariâs eyes narrowed. âAleytys,â she said, âweâve been with you for over five years now.â
âWhat can any of us do about that?â
âIf I knew.â¦â A narrow, dark hand lifted and fell, a quick expression of her frustration. âIâm only an approximation of what I was.â Another swift pass of her hand wiped this away. âWe wish to make sure that the damage we do to you is minimized.â
âDamage?â Aleytys frowned and shook her head. âI donât understand. We are friends. Arenât we?â She swallowed. âWeâve talked a lot the past few years.â
âWeen you needed us.â The golden-eyed sorceress did not soften her grim expression.
âThere were times when Iâd have gone crazy without someone to talk to, someone I didnât have to.â¦â
âDidnât have to pretend courtesy and calm with, didnât have to protect yourself from when you couldnât endure the sight and feel of yourself.â
âYou helped me.â
âYou turned us off and on like your vid set.â
âNo, it wasnât like that.â¦â
âWe were your crutch. You didnât need to go out and exert yourself or expose your weaknesses and your ugliness to people who might reject or ridicule you. You didnât need to let yourself be vulnerable. We were there. As you said, we were always there.â Harskari sighed and relaxed. Her image wavered, then she smiled.
Aleytys felt a warmth flow through her body as she responded to the smile. She started to sit up, thinking the scolding had ended.
Harskari sighed again. âI like you, Aleytys. If weâd met another way, we might really have been friends.â The amber eyes moved to meet purple and black. âPerhaps thatâs true for all of us. Nevertheless, we have seriously damaged you in spite of our good will. Remember what you shouted at Grey that last time you quarreled?â
I donât need you, I donât need anybody . The memory hung between them for a moment, then Aleytys said, âI was angry, I didnât really mean it.â
âEven if you didnât mean it, you wanted it to be true. Youâre terrified of depending on anyone you canât control. And weâve pampered that terror.â Harskari looked rueful. âWe enjoyed too much our talks with you. We enjoyed too much experiencing life again through you. We encouraged you to depend on us.â
âThere was so much I had no way of knowing, so many situations I simply couldnât cope with.â
âExactly. So much you couldnât cope with.â Harskariâs amber eyes sparkled with annoyance. âOn Jaydugar you took your first steps from the womb of your childhood. You survived many difficulties on your own. Then.â¦â She sighed, her eyes went dull. âThen we came. After a while it was easier for you to lean on us, to let us pick up after you like overindulgent parents. Instead of continuing to mature, you retreated to the safety of your childhood where there was always someone to protect you from the consequences of your errors and stupidities.â
Aleytys
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