Starlight(Pact Arcanum 4) by Arshad Ahsanuddin Page A

why not?” He glanced at the clock. “It’s still another couple of hours to sunset here. Do you have a preference for someplace dark?”
    “Rory and Ruarc are in Belfast tonight. Maybe we could hook up with them later. There can’t be much to do there on Christmas Eve.”
    “Sounds like a plan.”
    The two of them jumped to Belfast and wandered the streets until they came to a park. They dusted the snow off one of the benches and had a seat, taking turns at sipping from the bottle.
    The conversation wandered from topic to topic until they came around to Rory and Lorcan. “They don’t seem to get that I have a demanding job,” Nick said. “Just because I always put in long hours doesn’t mean I’m doing anything wrong.” He looked at Rafael who took another swig from the bottle. “You have a job like that. You must understand where I’m coming from.”
    Rafael handed the bottle back. “Sadly, I do. But not the way you think.”
    Nick paused in the act of drinking. He looked back at Rafael, who stared at the stars. “Meaning what?”
    “Meaning I don’t work long hours for the sake of my job. I work that much to forget the pain of losing your brother.”
    Nick put the bottle carefully down on the ground. “Raf, I know you and Toby were good friends, but—”
    “I loved him.”
    Nick looked at the man he had called a friend for almost sixty years, and suddenly saw a stranger. “You and Toby?”
    Rafael dropped his gaze from the sky and met Nick’s incredulous stare. “I wanted him so much, but he only wanted her. So I never told him. You remember how that feels.”
    Nick swallowed, remembering his best friend and dyad brother, Scott. His grandson sent me a Christmas card last year. “Does Layla know?”
    “It was the reason she invited me to join her House, so I could watch over their son.”
    Nick didn’t want to think about his nephew, Antonio, traveling the stars for the Spacer Guild. When did I lose touch with everything mortal?
    “Raf, why didn’t you ever tell me any of this before?”
    “Because it didn’t matter. Toby was gone. Antonio was out of reach. Everything I loved was lost to me. So I worked hard and tried to outrun the memories.” Rafael gave him a grim smile. “Just like you.”
    “I’m not running from anything,” Nick said. Even to his own ears, it sounded feeble.
    “Sanctuary is all you have left of him, and you bury yourself in it so you don’t have to feel the loss. Believe me, Nicholas, I do understand.”
    Nick got to his feet and glared down at his old friend. “He asked me to take care of Sanctuary!”
    “Did you always do everything he asked?”
    “Yes!”
    “He asked you to let Rory and Ruarc help you. Did you do that as well? Or did you just tolerate their friendship for appearances sake?”
    Nick shivered, though he was immune to the cold. “I can’t be what they want me to be.”
    “How do you know what they want?”
    “They want me to love them!” shouted Nick. “How can I ever give them that?”
    For the first time Rafael looked shocked. “Did they say that?”
    Nick rubbed at his eyes. “No, of course not.”
    “Then is it what they want that you’re running from, or is it what you want?”
    “I can’t … I can’t want them.” Nick collapsed back onto the bench. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. “I can’t betray Jeremy like that.”
    “Nick … forgive me for saying so, but Jeremy handed you over to Rory and Ruarc like a slab of beef. Are you sure it would be a betrayal?”
    “Of course, it would. He wanted them to help me thorough my grief, not seduce me!”
    “Are you certain?”
    Nick turned his head to stare at Rafael. “What do you mean?”
    “The Jeremy I knew was a practical man. Are you sure you know what kind of help he wanted you to accept?”
    Nick stood from the bench. “Keep the bottle.” Then he walked away. For a while he wandered aimlessly, then he took a deep breath and asked his AI for directions to the