storm by Unknown Page A

forgive you if he throws me out."
     
                "The Hegemony is due to meet this afternoon.  You should both be there.  Sort this out before that."
     
                It took ten minutes to reach Cal's apartment: to Caeru it felt like over an hour and get mere seconds.  He had no idea what reception he'd get.  A member of the Tigron staff let him in and, without any apparent hesitation or disapproval, conducted him into Cal's presence.  Caeru was disappointed to find that Cal was not in any kind of emotional agony, but was poring over immense piles of paper in his office.  After Caeru had been announced, he said, "I was going to come and see you later."
     
                "You didn't come last night," Caeru said, staring meaningfully at the attendant until he went away.
     
                "No, I went to see Ashmael."
     
                "Right.  And what did he have to say?"
     
                "You don't want to hear.  We were stupid, Rue.  Really stupid."
     
                "I know.  I'll be lucky if I'm not scarred for life."
     
                Cal laughed uncertainly.  "There are particular images that will stay with me for the rest of mine."
     
                "So, what's your decision?"
     
                "What you mean?"
     
                "You know.  Well?  Did Ashmael help you make it?"
     
                Cal sighed.  "Sit down.  We have to talk."
     
                "No.  I just want an answer.  Are you going to repeat history and turn your back on me?"
     
                Cal put his hands on Caeru's arms.  " No.  It's just...  Oh hell, I don't know what it is."
     
                Caeru pulled away from him.  "I think I do.  You want permission first.  Isn't that it?"
     
                "I want to talk to Pell, yes."
     
                Sometimes, Caeru considered, the female side of being har manifested itself at the most inappropriate times.  A small part of him, that seemed to be hovering somewhere near the light fitting, looked on in horror as he sank down on a chair and began to weep.  He couldn't stop himself.  It was decades of disappointment and heartbreak spilling out in one long stream.  Even as he abandoned himself to misery, he realized that Cal must be thinking this was a deliberate ploy to get attention and sympathy.  That only made it worse.  Get out!   A rational part of his brain advised.  Get out now before you make more of a fool of yourself.
     
                Blindly, he got to his feet and made in what he hoped was the direction of the door.  All of Cal staff would see him like this.  It was vile.
     
                Cal grabbed hold of him before he could leave the room.  "Rue," Cal said lamely.  "Don't."
     
                Caeru pulled away.  "You don't get it, do you?" he yelled and thumped his own chest.  "It's in here.  All of it.  It's called love.  It's like a magic spell or a curse."
     

            Cal frowned in what appeared to be genuine perplexity.  "You love me?"
     
                "No!  Not you, you idiot!" Caeru yanked open the door and ran down the corridor outside.  He was dimly aware of curious Hara observing him from various doorways.
     
                Cal came after him, of course, and dragged him into another room.  He slammed the door and leaned upon it, so that Caeru couldn't get out.  "Calm down," he said.
     
                "Fuck you!"
     
                "I won't have this.  You understand?  I'm sick and tired of being this chaotic force that fucks up everyhar's life.  Don't do this to me.  Let me be."
     
                Caeru laughed bitterly through his tears.  " Now we're ourselves, aren't we?"
     
                "I've taken you on.  You asked me to and I have.  If I can