Stuck in Neutral by Terry Trueman Page A

with everything he does. I think your dad believes that families like ours, families with kids like Shawn, are not very well understood. Your dad’s work, his writing and his projects, are about trying to get people to think about what happens when a child like Shawn comes along.” Mom pauses a second. Her face is sad and suddenly she looks real tired. I think about all the times that I’ve heard her on the phone talking with Dad, crying, criticizing, and arguing with him. “Your father just wants you to know that he’d appreciate your cooperation for this project.”
    Cindy snaps, “Cooperation?!” She sounds mad.
    Mom adds, “He wants you both to know that if you want to, you can join him on the program and talk about life with your brother. The people at The Alice Ponds Show —”
    Paul’s burst of angry laughter interrupts Mom. “Right! Alice Ponds. I’d rather have ground glass pounded up my nose!”
    â€œPaul,” Mom says, pushing down a nervous laugh.
    â€œJoin him?” Cindy asks angrily. “Why?”
    Mom pauses a moment before she speaks. “I think your father believes that his work might help other families with kids like Shawn. I believe that your dad feels that kids like Shawn and their families need a lot more from society than volunteer stints with the Special Olympics. He knows that the problems that families like ours face are a lot more complex than they are presented on feel-good made-for-TV movies. Your father—”
    Paul interrupts again. “My father is a hopeless jerk, and I wouldn’t help him do anything , least of all go on a freak show and talk about my brother.” Paul pauses a moment; then he adds angrily, “Alice Ponds? Alice Friggin’ Ponds!”
    Paul’s been mad at Dad for years, ever since he left us. Not all the time—they’ve tried to iron things out—but the peace has never lasted longer than a few months. Paul always finds something to get upset about and then refuses any contact with Dad. These days they’re not speaking at all.
    Mom says, “It’s completely up to you guys, whether you want to go on Alice Ponds . Your dad would never make you, and, of course, neither will I. When your dad talked to me about this, he mentioned that the Alice Ponds producer wanted you guys on the show, but your dad didn’t even ask me to ask you. He just wanted me to let you know that the invitation was there. If you want to go, you can; if you’d rather not, you shouldn’t.”
    Cindy asks quietly, “You think Dad really cares about other people with kids like Shawn?”
    Mom answers right away, “I know he does, sweetie. You know that I don’t always agree with the things he does or the way he thinks. Sometimes I even get really pissed at him, but I know in my heart that your dad cares, and that he’s trying to do what he thinks is right.”
    Cindy smiles; I know it’s because Mom said “pissed,” and Mom never talks like that.
    Paul is still mad. “Sure he cares,” Paul says sarcastically, “about himself!”
    As I sit here listening, I realize that I agree with both Mom and Paul: I know Dad wants to help people, but I know that sometimes he’s totally selfish, too. If I could talk, however, I’d say one other thing to them. I’d remind them that Dad is really sharp when it comes to money and the writing business. I know it’s vulgar and crude and crass to mention filthy lucre, but Dad does pay for our house, our food—in fact, all of our expenses! Mom works part-time, but actually I’m her full-time job. Taking care of me is expensive, and Dad pays for it all. He has to think about money. With Dad’s fame from the Pulitzer and the controversial subject matter of Earl Detraux, Dad probably sees a gold mine. And he’s probably right.
    I’m sure Detraux is a hero to a lot of people. His