Eyebrows that are a little too bushy and a quarter-inch scar running across the left side of his chin. And one dimple cutting into his right cheek. And he has to have brown eyes. Dark brown with a hard gleam. No beard or mustache. Short hair. Six-two.”
“Sounds like you have someone in particular in mind.”
“No, not really.” Laughter bubbled past her lips. “Just my own imagination at work. But I’m sure there’s a real man out there who fits the bill.” Expectancy lit her gaze. “Have you seen him?” Silence stretched between us for several long seconds as she eyed me and waited for a reply.
“Without a doubt,” I finally said. “I have over two thousand eligible bachelors in my database.” Give or take 1,488. “I’m sure one of them will fit the description to a T.” I settled behind my desk and reached for a pen. “But before we get ahead of ourselves, the first thing we need to do is get to know the real Tabitha. Your likes and dislikes. Your hopes and dreams.” I gave her my most convincing smile, along with a mental You should take the ultra-deluxe package.
I know, I know. She was obviously an Other and she was looking for a member of the opposite sex. But hey, it couldn’t hurt to try.
“Why don’t you get started filling out this questionnaire?” I pulled a form from my bottom desk drawer, attached it to a clipboard and handed it to her. “The best matches are tailored to each individual, so the more I know about you, the better.”
“You don’t need a form for that. I love dancing and parties and having fun. End of story.”
“No hobbies?”
“I do like to shop.”
I smiled and made a quick note. “Shopping’s good.”
“I like watching E! and I’m addicted to Oxygen’s Bad Girls Club and I never miss Fashion Week.”
“Just jot it all down and I’ll see what I can find for you. Evie mentioned that you need a date fast. Is there a special event coming up?”
“Definitely.”
“A wedding?”
“Not really.”
“Engagement party?”
“No.”
“Office get-together?”
“Something like that. If I don’t have my warlock with me by midnight next Friday, I’m getting fired.”
“That’s urgent, all right. Don’t worry, we’ll find you someone,” I said with the utmost confidence, despite the nagging voice that kept reminding me about Esther and last night’s fiasco and the fact that I was this close to bankruptcy and a Moe’s lime green polo shirt.
A wave of anxiety rushed through me and I attacked my keyboard with renewed determination. Crawling home to my folks would be bad enough. Doing it in lime green? So not happening.
Tabitha spent about a nanosecond filling out the form and fifteen minutes tapping her feet and humming to Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” drifting over my surround sound.
Meanwhile, I cruised my database for possible matches. I came up with a whopping two—a warlock from Trenton with red hair and a potbelly and a werewolf into Harry Potter role-playing (What? I’m doing the best I can here.).
Tabitha didn’t look jazzed about either, but she did agree to check them out. I set up the dates, promised to keep looking and loaded her into a cab bound for a hot new dance club and prospect number one.
I called Mia after that.
“Evie told me you want to lower your standards. Does that mean you’re willing to take two orgasms a night instead of three?”
“Actually, I was thinking zero. I’m embarking on a new phase in my life.”
“The I’m-never-having-fun-again phase?”
“I’m embracing celibacy.”
Yep, zero fun.
“I want you to find me a man who is not into sex in any way, shape or form,” she went on. “A guy who doesn’t sleep around or look at porn or watch the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show during the Super Bowl halftime. I want a man who’ll notice my brains instead of my boobs.”
“Your last date pooped out after the first orgasm, didn’t he?”
“He couldn’t even get it up. I gave him a
“Sounds like you have someone in particular in mind.”
“No, not really.” Laughter bubbled past her lips. “Just my own imagination at work. But I’m sure there’s a real man out there who fits the bill.” Expectancy lit her gaze. “Have you seen him?” Silence stretched between us for several long seconds as she eyed me and waited for a reply.
“Without a doubt,” I finally said. “I have over two thousand eligible bachelors in my database.” Give or take 1,488. “I’m sure one of them will fit the description to a T.” I settled behind my desk and reached for a pen. “But before we get ahead of ourselves, the first thing we need to do is get to know the real Tabitha. Your likes and dislikes. Your hopes and dreams.” I gave her my most convincing smile, along with a mental You should take the ultra-deluxe package.
I know, I know. She was obviously an Other and she was looking for a member of the opposite sex. But hey, it couldn’t hurt to try.
“Why don’t you get started filling out this questionnaire?” I pulled a form from my bottom desk drawer, attached it to a clipboard and handed it to her. “The best matches are tailored to each individual, so the more I know about you, the better.”
“You don’t need a form for that. I love dancing and parties and having fun. End of story.”
“No hobbies?”
“I do like to shop.”
I smiled and made a quick note. “Shopping’s good.”
“I like watching E! and I’m addicted to Oxygen’s Bad Girls Club and I never miss Fashion Week.”
“Just jot it all down and I’ll see what I can find for you. Evie mentioned that you need a date fast. Is there a special event coming up?”
“Definitely.”
“A wedding?”
“Not really.”
“Engagement party?”
“No.”
“Office get-together?”
“Something like that. If I don’t have my warlock with me by midnight next Friday, I’m getting fired.”
“That’s urgent, all right. Don’t worry, we’ll find you someone,” I said with the utmost confidence, despite the nagging voice that kept reminding me about Esther and last night’s fiasco and the fact that I was this close to bankruptcy and a Moe’s lime green polo shirt.
A wave of anxiety rushed through me and I attacked my keyboard with renewed determination. Crawling home to my folks would be bad enough. Doing it in lime green? So not happening.
Tabitha spent about a nanosecond filling out the form and fifteen minutes tapping her feet and humming to Katy Perry’s “I Kissed a Girl” drifting over my surround sound.
Meanwhile, I cruised my database for possible matches. I came up with a whopping two—a warlock from Trenton with red hair and a potbelly and a werewolf into Harry Potter role-playing (What? I’m doing the best I can here.).
Tabitha didn’t look jazzed about either, but she did agree to check them out. I set up the dates, promised to keep looking and loaded her into a cab bound for a hot new dance club and prospect number one.
I called Mia after that.
“Evie told me you want to lower your standards. Does that mean you’re willing to take two orgasms a night instead of three?”
“Actually, I was thinking zero. I’m embarking on a new phase in my life.”
“The I’m-never-having-fun-again phase?”
“I’m embracing celibacy.”
Yep, zero fun.
“I want you to find me a man who is not into sex in any way, shape or form,” she went on. “A guy who doesn’t sleep around or look at porn or watch the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show during the Super Bowl halftime. I want a man who’ll notice my brains instead of my boobs.”
“Your last date pooped out after the first orgasm, didn’t he?”
“He couldn’t even get it up. I gave him a
Similar Books
