wonder as her daughter easily slid the syringe into the orange and slowly depressed the plunger.
Taylor carefully drew the needle out and placed it on a tray. "How did I do?" she asked Joelle.
"You did great. High five." Taylor slapped the nurse's outstretched hand and turned to her mom. Darci quickly put her hand up to receive the slap.
"You look like a pro, kiddo," Darci said.
"It's really easy," Taylor said. "But I'm a little scared of doing it on myself. I mean, my body's going to feel different than the orange, right?"
"Well, yes," Joelle said. "It might take a bit to get used to, but you will."
"How do you get used to it?" Darci asked. "I mean, is there a dummy or something she can practice on that's more natural?"
Joelle stood from the bed and smoothed her scrubs before answering. "Unfortunately, there's not. But sometimes, patients will practice on family members to get their confidence up before trying it on themselves."
Darci had to grab the chair for support. A bead of sweat had appeared over her upper lip. She used her sleeve to wipe it away.
"Are you okay?"
Darci nodded. "What do you mean, practice on family members. Like with needles?"
"Of course. It's perfectly harmless. We use saline instead of insulin. It's a good way for children especially to get the sense of what it's really going to feel like."
Darci took a few deep breaths and straightened up.
"Oh, would you, Mom?"
"Pardon me?" Darci looked at her daughter. Her face was lit up in expectation and hope. She reflexively shook her head. "No, Taylor." She looked between her daughter and the nurse. "No," she said again. "I just don't think I can...I hate needles."
The moment the words slipped out, she wanted to reach out and pull them back in. Taylor's face fell and her lip started to shake. Darci quickly looked to Joelle, who couldn't hide her frown.
"Tay." Darci squeezed onto the bed next to her and put her hand on Taylor's leg. "Hey, that's not what I meant."
"That's what you said." Taylor's voice cracked and she chocked back a sob. "I hate needles too, Mom." She looked up and if it could have, Darci's heart would have split from the pain in her daughter's face. "Remember when you made me get those shots?"
"Your immunizations?" Darci nodded. "You were in grade one."
"I was terrified. Remember?"
"Oh, I remember. You hid under the table and I had to drag you out."
"You told me I needed the needle to be healthy, but you'd give me a lollipop if I was brave," Taylor said. Tears streamed down her face, but Darci didn't wipe them away. "I need these needles to be healthy too, don't I?"
Darci nodded and bit her lip.
"But you can't give me a lollipop if I'm brave this time. Can you?"
The tears she'd been fighting to hold back, slid free and streaked down Darci's cheeks. "No, baby," she said. "I can't give you a lollipop." Darci reached forward and pulled Taylor into a fierce hug. "Oh, Tay. I'm so sorry this had to happen to you."
Darci rocked her gently, allowing both of them an outlet for their grief. Taylor's sobs shook her slight body but Darci didn't try to stop her, she needed the release. At some point, Darci realized they were alone in the room and she silently thanked Joelle for giving them the privacy they needed. Darci stroked Taylor's hair back from her face and let her own tears fall unchecked. She never cried in front of Taylor. A self-imposed rule after Ryan died. She needed to be strong for her daughter. A rock.
When the tears started to subside, Darci whispered, "Of course you can practice on me, Taylor." She continued to hold her daughter tight. "As much as you need too. I won't mind."
Sometimes, even rocks needed to crumble.
###
It was more than pinch.
Joelle had promised it would only be a pinch. She lied.
Darci clenched her teeth and looked across the room. She examined the details of the framed print that hung there and traced the pink and purple flower petals with her
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