unusually foul
mood and I didn’t want to go there. I didn’t want to go there with anyone right
now including her. I know she’s going to call again but I don’t want to talk to
her. Not until I figure out what to say to her anyway.
Chapter Two
––––––––
I t’s been a couple of days and she is
still calling me and I am still ignoring her. I still don’t know what to say to
her. My head and my heart are so conflicted. My head says I should talk to her
but my heart doesn’t want to be destroyed by her and her omissions.
I need to get out of my flat. I can’t
think properly here plus I need to apologize to my band mates for my behavior
the other night. They haven’t tried to talk to me and I can’t say that I blame
them. I acted like a first class ass.
The lift is broken again – big surprise
– so I head to the stairs. As soon as I start down them, I see her walking up.
Perfect.....this is just perfect.
I try to look at her but all I can see
is Courtney’s – Gillian’s – face. I can’t look at her without thinking about
husbands and fiancés and lies, lies, lies!
She awkwardly asks me what time we are
meeting for that charity thing and I rudely tell her we aren’t.
Her face falls.
My heart aches.
I have to tell her that I know her
little secret but once those words leave my mouth that’s it. There’s no coming
back from that.
“Well I think maybe you should go with
your fiancé.” I say.
She starts to say something but I’m not
even listening to her. I just start yelling at her. She tries a couple of times
to explain but I just keep cutting her off. I’m being a total jerk, I know I
am. I finally look at her and see the tears welling up in her eyes. My heart
constricts. For a moment I feel bad but then all of the sudden...I don’t. She
knows what’s coming, or she at least has an idea, I can see it on her face.
“I really, really liked you Chloe.” I
hear myself saying. “I’m just...I can’t do this. I can’t be the other guy, some
fling, your replacement boyfriend. I’m done...We’re done.”
Chloe starts to cry as she pushes past
me and runs up the steps.
I feel numb. There is a part of me that
wants to run after her and take it all back but I did that once before and I
was the one that ended up brokenhearted and alone. I know I hurt her. I’m
hurting too.
I walk outside to my truck and stand
there for a moment leaning on my forearms against the truck bed. I want to
scream and curse and let the entire world know how I feel. Instead I straighten
up and start kicking the hell out of my tires.
“Well this seems like an unfair fight. Poor
tire can’t even defend itself from a strapping young lad such as yourself.”
Tyler says as he appears next to me. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on
now?”
“Nope.”
“Heard you guys broke up.”
“Yup.”
“She seems to be pretty gutted.”
“She’s not the only one.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You might feel be-“
“I said I don’t want to talk about it.”
I yell out, cutting him off.
“Okay, okay. So what do you want to do?”
“Get completely pissed and forget this
day ever happened.”
“Ahhhh, so consume loads of alcohol and
wallow in the pool of loathing and self-pity. Count me in.”
Tyler runs around to the side of my
truck and jumps in the passenger seat. I climb in the driver’s seat, turn the
truck on and the sounds of Coldplay immediately starts flowing through the
speakers. Chloe’s favorite band. I reach over and switch the radio off. I don’t
want anything right now that will make me think about her. Not that switching
off the radio really helps. I don’t think it matters what I do. She’s still on
my mind. They may not be the best thoughts at the moment, but still.....she’s
there.
“So where are we going?” Tyler asks as I
maneuver my truck out of the parking lot.
I think for a moment. “Mariano’s.”
Tyler’s face
mood and I didn’t want to go there. I didn’t want to go there with anyone right
now including her. I know she’s going to call again but I don’t want to talk to
her. Not until I figure out what to say to her anyway.
Chapter Two
––––––––
I t’s been a couple of days and she is
still calling me and I am still ignoring her. I still don’t know what to say to
her. My head and my heart are so conflicted. My head says I should talk to her
but my heart doesn’t want to be destroyed by her and her omissions.
I need to get out of my flat. I can’t
think properly here plus I need to apologize to my band mates for my behavior
the other night. They haven’t tried to talk to me and I can’t say that I blame
them. I acted like a first class ass.
The lift is broken again – big surprise
– so I head to the stairs. As soon as I start down them, I see her walking up.
Perfect.....this is just perfect.
I try to look at her but all I can see
is Courtney’s – Gillian’s – face. I can’t look at her without thinking about
husbands and fiancés and lies, lies, lies!
She awkwardly asks me what time we are
meeting for that charity thing and I rudely tell her we aren’t.
Her face falls.
My heart aches.
I have to tell her that I know her
little secret but once those words leave my mouth that’s it. There’s no coming
back from that.
“Well I think maybe you should go with
your fiancé.” I say.
She starts to say something but I’m not
even listening to her. I just start yelling at her. She tries a couple of times
to explain but I just keep cutting her off. I’m being a total jerk, I know I
am. I finally look at her and see the tears welling up in her eyes. My heart
constricts. For a moment I feel bad but then all of the sudden...I don’t. She
knows what’s coming, or she at least has an idea, I can see it on her face.
“I really, really liked you Chloe.” I
hear myself saying. “I’m just...I can’t do this. I can’t be the other guy, some
fling, your replacement boyfriend. I’m done...We’re done.”
Chloe starts to cry as she pushes past
me and runs up the steps.
I feel numb. There is a part of me that
wants to run after her and take it all back but I did that once before and I
was the one that ended up brokenhearted and alone. I know I hurt her. I’m
hurting too.
I walk outside to my truck and stand
there for a moment leaning on my forearms against the truck bed. I want to
scream and curse and let the entire world know how I feel. Instead I straighten
up and start kicking the hell out of my tires.
“Well this seems like an unfair fight. Poor
tire can’t even defend itself from a strapping young lad such as yourself.”
Tyler says as he appears next to me. “Do you want to tell me what’s going on
now?”
“Nope.”
“Heard you guys broke up.”
“Yup.”
“She seems to be pretty gutted.”
“She’s not the only one.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You might feel be-“
“I said I don’t want to talk about it.”
I yell out, cutting him off.
“Okay, okay. So what do you want to do?”
“Get completely pissed and forget this
day ever happened.”
“Ahhhh, so consume loads of alcohol and
wallow in the pool of loathing and self-pity. Count me in.”
Tyler runs around to the side of my
truck and jumps in the passenger seat. I climb in the driver’s seat, turn the
truck on and the sounds of Coldplay immediately starts flowing through the
speakers. Chloe’s favorite band. I reach over and switch the radio off. I don’t
want anything right now that will make me think about her. Not that switching
off the radio really helps. I don’t think it matters what I do. She’s still on
my mind. They may not be the best thoughts at the moment, but still.....she’s
there.
“So where are we going?” Tyler asks as I
maneuver my truck out of the parking lot.
I think for a moment. “Mariano’s.”
Tyler’s face
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