with regard to Eve. Mum and Dominic pretty much held vigil by her bedside. Last week Dominic had refused to go into work, but after much coaxing by my parents, he has left her side and gone to work. She was still in a medically induced coma, her vitals were looking positive according to Darren. He kept me up to date on her progress, foregoing the medical crap and actually explaining it so I understood. Ellie and I haven’t been allowed in to see her. Due to risk of infection to high risk patients, there was a strict limit to visitors. Only parents and significant others were permitted inside the hospital room. When mum told me I couldn't visit, I wanted to break down and cry, I missed Eve so much it hurt. I just wanted to hold her hand to ground me. To see for myself she was still here. My heart literally aches with not seeing her.
Ellie has been acting up a little in school and a few times I’ve been requested to speak to her teacher. It doesn’t help that her teacher is a raving bitch who hates me. I’ve been staying at Mum’s house, trying to keep as much of a routine as possible. We were allowed back into our house a few days after the incident ; the police said due to Elliott dying at the scene it was pretty much a closed case with Eve. The problem remaining was the investigation into Elliot’s collision with a tree. Because the police were in pursuit they needed to evaluate the risks and whether they tailed too closely.
Dominic looked like crap, he hadn’t shaven since Eve was taken to the hospital, so he had a week’s worth of growth and was beginning to look like a grizzly bear. All he does is go to work, then head straight to the hospital. He must return home because he clearly showers and changes his clothes, but he looks worn out. He’s lost weight and his eyes are ringed with dark circles. Mum spoke to me the other night about how worried she is about him; he refuses to go for a proper meal and simply grabs snacks from the vending machines. It was awful to see him go through this. If there were any two people made for each other, it’s those two, and I keep praying to God they get their happy ending because I can’t stomach the idea of losing her. The funeral of someone I loathed was going to be bad enough to sit through, but we would have to do it to support Jill.
Johan stayed here with Ellie and I last week whilst Mum and Dad were at the hospital. His nightmares haven’t subsided, he still wakes each night crying and calling out for his momma. I've tried talking to him about it but he simply shuts down and refuses to speak to me. The only night he didn’t have a nightmare was on the weekend when we both fell asleep on the sofa watching a film. I woke in the early hours of the morning with my head in his lap, a blanket thrown over me, and he was snoring softly with his head thrown back. He’s gone back to our house now and has been staying there this week. I wanted to be with him, I keep telling myself it was to make sure that he’s okay, that he isn’t alone through his nightmares, but the truth is I miss his company. I like how comfortable it feels to be near him. His nightmares vary in extremity and violence. I believe they’re linked to what happened to Eve, but until he opens up I can only presume what’s going on in his head. He shouts for his mum, or momma, each and every night but I know his mother is still alive, Eve said so once.
So that brings me to today; I’m holding on by a thread, I admit it. I'm weakening day by day and the dam holding up my emotions is beginning to crack. My sanity is being tested to the extreme. I’m blocked expressively from holding back, being there for everyone else while I suffer. I’ve fought my feelings of fear and confusion daily over what’s happening to Eve but I’ve held it back when all I wanted was to sit in a corner and cry, howl like a mad woman. I hadn’t cried since Eve had been admitted to hospital, or whilst we waited on news of her
Ellie has been acting up a little in school and a few times I’ve been requested to speak to her teacher. It doesn’t help that her teacher is a raving bitch who hates me. I’ve been staying at Mum’s house, trying to keep as much of a routine as possible. We were allowed back into our house a few days after the incident ; the police said due to Elliott dying at the scene it was pretty much a closed case with Eve. The problem remaining was the investigation into Elliot’s collision with a tree. Because the police were in pursuit they needed to evaluate the risks and whether they tailed too closely.
Dominic looked like crap, he hadn’t shaven since Eve was taken to the hospital, so he had a week’s worth of growth and was beginning to look like a grizzly bear. All he does is go to work, then head straight to the hospital. He must return home because he clearly showers and changes his clothes, but he looks worn out. He’s lost weight and his eyes are ringed with dark circles. Mum spoke to me the other night about how worried she is about him; he refuses to go for a proper meal and simply grabs snacks from the vending machines. It was awful to see him go through this. If there were any two people made for each other, it’s those two, and I keep praying to God they get their happy ending because I can’t stomach the idea of losing her. The funeral of someone I loathed was going to be bad enough to sit through, but we would have to do it to support Jill.
Johan stayed here with Ellie and I last week whilst Mum and Dad were at the hospital. His nightmares haven’t subsided, he still wakes each night crying and calling out for his momma. I've tried talking to him about it but he simply shuts down and refuses to speak to me. The only night he didn’t have a nightmare was on the weekend when we both fell asleep on the sofa watching a film. I woke in the early hours of the morning with my head in his lap, a blanket thrown over me, and he was snoring softly with his head thrown back. He’s gone back to our house now and has been staying there this week. I wanted to be with him, I keep telling myself it was to make sure that he’s okay, that he isn’t alone through his nightmares, but the truth is I miss his company. I like how comfortable it feels to be near him. His nightmares vary in extremity and violence. I believe they’re linked to what happened to Eve, but until he opens up I can only presume what’s going on in his head. He shouts for his mum, or momma, each and every night but I know his mother is still alive, Eve said so once.
So that brings me to today; I’m holding on by a thread, I admit it. I'm weakening day by day and the dam holding up my emotions is beginning to crack. My sanity is being tested to the extreme. I’m blocked expressively from holding back, being there for everyone else while I suffer. I’ve fought my feelings of fear and confusion daily over what’s happening to Eve but I’ve held it back when all I wanted was to sit in a corner and cry, howl like a mad woman. I hadn’t cried since Eve had been admitted to hospital, or whilst we waited on news of her
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