didn’t know the long-term effects of it either.
Maybe it would’ve been better if she had killed me when I was six. Or better yet, when I was still a baby. Then I wouldn’t have been able to hurt anybody.
When I finally went out to the waiting room, Matt rushed over to hug me. I stood there, but I didn’t hug him back. He inspected me to make sure I was alright. He had heard there was some kind of scuffle and was petrified that something had happened to me. I just nodded and got out of there as fast as I could.
5. Insanity
“So…” Matt began on the drive home. I rested my forehead against the cold glass of the car window and refused to look at him. I had barely even spoken since we left. “What did you say to her?”
“Things,” I replied vaguely.
“No, really,” he pressed. “What happened?”
“I tried talking to her, she got upset,” I sighed. “She said I was a monster. You know, the usual.”
“I don’t know why you even wanted to see her. She is a terrible person.”
“Oh, she’s not that bad.” My breath fogged up the window, and I started drawing stars in the mist. “She’s really worried about you. She’s afraid I’m going to hurt you.”
“Oh,” Matt scoffed. “That woman is insane! She obviously is since she lives there, but… You can’t listen to her, Wendy. You aren’t letting anything she said get to you, are you?”
“No,” I lied. Pulling my sleeve up over my hand, I erased my drawings on the window and sat up straighter. “How do you know?”
“What?”
“That she is insane. That… I’m not a monster.” I twisted nervously at my thumb ring and stared at Matt, who just shook his head. “I’m being serious. What if I am bad?”
Matt suddenly put on his turning signal and pulled his car over to the shoulder. Rain pounded down on the windows as other cars sped by us on the freeway. He turned to face me completely, putting an arm on the back of his seat.
“Wendy Luella Everly, there is nothing bad about you. Nothing ,” Matt emphasized solemnly. “That woman is completely insane. I don’t know why, but she was never a mother to you. You can’t listen to her. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
“Be serious, Matt,” I shook my head. “I’ve gotten expelled from every school I’ve ever gone to. I’m unruly and whiny and stubborn and so picky. I know that you and Maggie have to struggle with me all the time.”
“That doesn’t mean you’re bad. You’ve had a really traumatic childhood, and yeah, you’re still working through some things, but you are not bad,” Matt insisted. “You are a strong-willed teenager who isn’t afraid of anything. That’s all.”
“At some point that has to stop being an excuse! Sure she tried to kill me, but I have to take responsibility for who I am as a person.” What I was saying was true, and the painful knot in my stomach only seemed to grow larger.
“You are!” Matt actually smiled at that. “Since we’ve moved here, you have shown so much promise. Your grades are going up, and you’re making friends. And even if that makes me a little uncomfortable, I know it’s a good thing for you. You’re growing up, Wendy, and you’re going to be okay.”
“Okay,” I nodded, unable to think of an argument for that.
“I know I don’t say it enough, but I’m proud of you, and I love you.” Matt bent over so he could kiss the top of my head. He hadn’t done that since I was little, and it stirred something inside me. I closed my eyes and refused to cry. He straightened back up in his seat and looked at me seriously. “Okay? Are you okay now?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I forced a smile at him.
“Good.” He pulled back out in traffic, continuing the drive home.
As much as I had inconvenienced Matt and Maggie, it would break their hearts if I left. Even if going with Finn would be more promising, it would hurt them too much. Leaving would put my needs in front of theirs. So if
Maybe it would’ve been better if she had killed me when I was six. Or better yet, when I was still a baby. Then I wouldn’t have been able to hurt anybody.
When I finally went out to the waiting room, Matt rushed over to hug me. I stood there, but I didn’t hug him back. He inspected me to make sure I was alright. He had heard there was some kind of scuffle and was petrified that something had happened to me. I just nodded and got out of there as fast as I could.
5. Insanity
“So…” Matt began on the drive home. I rested my forehead against the cold glass of the car window and refused to look at him. I had barely even spoken since we left. “What did you say to her?”
“Things,” I replied vaguely.
“No, really,” he pressed. “What happened?”
“I tried talking to her, she got upset,” I sighed. “She said I was a monster. You know, the usual.”
“I don’t know why you even wanted to see her. She is a terrible person.”
“Oh, she’s not that bad.” My breath fogged up the window, and I started drawing stars in the mist. “She’s really worried about you. She’s afraid I’m going to hurt you.”
“Oh,” Matt scoffed. “That woman is insane! She obviously is since she lives there, but… You can’t listen to her, Wendy. You aren’t letting anything she said get to you, are you?”
“No,” I lied. Pulling my sleeve up over my hand, I erased my drawings on the window and sat up straighter. “How do you know?”
“What?”
“That she is insane. That… I’m not a monster.” I twisted nervously at my thumb ring and stared at Matt, who just shook his head. “I’m being serious. What if I am bad?”
Matt suddenly put on his turning signal and pulled his car over to the shoulder. Rain pounded down on the windows as other cars sped by us on the freeway. He turned to face me completely, putting an arm on the back of his seat.
“Wendy Luella Everly, there is nothing bad about you. Nothing ,” Matt emphasized solemnly. “That woman is completely insane. I don’t know why, but she was never a mother to you. You can’t listen to her. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
“Be serious, Matt,” I shook my head. “I’ve gotten expelled from every school I’ve ever gone to. I’m unruly and whiny and stubborn and so picky. I know that you and Maggie have to struggle with me all the time.”
“That doesn’t mean you’re bad. You’ve had a really traumatic childhood, and yeah, you’re still working through some things, but you are not bad,” Matt insisted. “You are a strong-willed teenager who isn’t afraid of anything. That’s all.”
“At some point that has to stop being an excuse! Sure she tried to kill me, but I have to take responsibility for who I am as a person.” What I was saying was true, and the painful knot in my stomach only seemed to grow larger.
“You are!” Matt actually smiled at that. “Since we’ve moved here, you have shown so much promise. Your grades are going up, and you’re making friends. And even if that makes me a little uncomfortable, I know it’s a good thing for you. You’re growing up, Wendy, and you’re going to be okay.”
“Okay,” I nodded, unable to think of an argument for that.
“I know I don’t say it enough, but I’m proud of you, and I love you.” Matt bent over so he could kiss the top of my head. He hadn’t done that since I was little, and it stirred something inside me. I closed my eyes and refused to cry. He straightened back up in his seat and looked at me seriously. “Okay? Are you okay now?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I forced a smile at him.
“Good.” He pulled back out in traffic, continuing the drive home.
As much as I had inconvenienced Matt and Maggie, it would break their hearts if I left. Even if going with Finn would be more promising, it would hurt them too much. Leaving would put my needs in front of theirs. So if
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