hold.”
“Sex with Nick is like a drug, Penny. And I’m definitely addicted.” Michelle groaned. “There’s a little bit—no, who am I kidding, there’s alot— of this uncontrollable, animal kind of thing going on between us. It’s scary.” She licked a stray dollop of butter from her finger, then flushed as she remembered how the previous night’s dinner seduction had begun. “He still hasn’t told me anything about himself. But heis a great listener—”
“That alone makes him a catch, as far as I’m concerned,” Penny interrupted.
“Maybe. But I don’t know if I should keep seeing him.” She bit her lip. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this.” She swallowed. “He’s…socompelling . I think I would do just about anything he asked.” She met Penny’s gaze with unusual directness. “And I meananything .”
“And you don’t like that,” Penny stated. “Feeling out of control.”
Michelle nodded. “Exactly.”
Penny studied her best friend’s face, her expression one of uncharacteristic uncertainty, tinged with worry. “I don’t know what to say.” She leaned forward, “I don’t want to encourage you in something that could end up being bad for you, but I have to tell you—whatever happened last night, it was good for you. There’s color in your cheeks for a change, some sparkle in your eyes. And you look happy for once. Vibrant.” She leaned back. “Since our angel moved on, you hardly ever look happy.”
Michelle swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I feel…guilty. I know it’s silly, but I feel like I should never be happy, now that she’s gone.”
“Youknow that’s wrong,” Penny countered.
Michelle nodded. “I know, but the feeling’s still there.”
“I can’t decide for you.” Penny swallowed the last bite of her breakfast and brushed crumbs from her hands. “I have to admit, I don’t like the idea of you being hurt by this relationship. But you don’t know what’s going to come of it. The only way to avoid being hurt in a relationship is to never have another one, and I hate to see that, Mickey.” Tears trembled in Penny’s eyes. “Because, for the first time in a long while, I’m seeingyou again. Not the washed-out automaton, going through the motions. It’s—” Her voice broke.
Surprised, Michelle leaned over and wrapped her friend in a warm hug.
Penny sniffed. “I’m sorry. This is so unlike me. It’s just that—” She pushed Michelle back, holding her by the shoulders, staring into her eyes. “I’ve missed youso much!”
Tears tumbled down both their cheeks. For once, Michelle didn’t try to stop them—didn’t try to push the pain of Angela’s loss and all the resulting loneliness into some hidden corner of her heart. She let the flood come, washing away bitterness, regret, and misplaced guilt. After a while, she started chuckling between sobs. Penny raised her head, puzzled.
“It’s just—” Michelle hiccupped, and swallowed before going on. “We’re here, crying our eyes out, and for the first time, I’m at peace. That seems so contradictory.” She grabbed a napkin and blew her nose. “I didn’t realize it before, butI’ve missed me, too. I think…I think, maybe, I can accept the fact that it’s okay to feel something besides sorrow.”
Penny almost started crying again. She’d never be able to tell Michelle, but Angela’s loss had been a double whammy for her, because she’d lost Michelle then, too—a lifelong friend, the sister of her heart. Oh, they’d remained friends, but the sisterly connection hadn’t been there like before, because Michelle had closed herself off, holding everyone at arm’s length. Selfishly, Penny felt that if the price of getting her friend back for good was a relationship that didn’t last in the end, it was worth it.
After they had dried their eyes and downed a couple of cups of coffee in companionable silence, Penny asked, “So, are you going to keep seeing
“Sex with Nick is like a drug, Penny. And I’m definitely addicted.” Michelle groaned. “There’s a little bit—no, who am I kidding, there’s alot— of this uncontrollable, animal kind of thing going on between us. It’s scary.” She licked a stray dollop of butter from her finger, then flushed as she remembered how the previous night’s dinner seduction had begun. “He still hasn’t told me anything about himself. But heis a great listener—”
“That alone makes him a catch, as far as I’m concerned,” Penny interrupted.
“Maybe. But I don’t know if I should keep seeing him.” She bit her lip. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this.” She swallowed. “He’s…socompelling . I think I would do just about anything he asked.” She met Penny’s gaze with unusual directness. “And I meananything .”
“And you don’t like that,” Penny stated. “Feeling out of control.”
Michelle nodded. “Exactly.”
Penny studied her best friend’s face, her expression one of uncharacteristic uncertainty, tinged with worry. “I don’t know what to say.” She leaned forward, “I don’t want to encourage you in something that could end up being bad for you, but I have to tell you—whatever happened last night, it was good for you. There’s color in your cheeks for a change, some sparkle in your eyes. And you look happy for once. Vibrant.” She leaned back. “Since our angel moved on, you hardly ever look happy.”
Michelle swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I feel…guilty. I know it’s silly, but I feel like I should never be happy, now that she’s gone.”
“Youknow that’s wrong,” Penny countered.
Michelle nodded. “I know, but the feeling’s still there.”
“I can’t decide for you.” Penny swallowed the last bite of her breakfast and brushed crumbs from her hands. “I have to admit, I don’t like the idea of you being hurt by this relationship. But you don’t know what’s going to come of it. The only way to avoid being hurt in a relationship is to never have another one, and I hate to see that, Mickey.” Tears trembled in Penny’s eyes. “Because, for the first time in a long while, I’m seeingyou again. Not the washed-out automaton, going through the motions. It’s—” Her voice broke.
Surprised, Michelle leaned over and wrapped her friend in a warm hug.
Penny sniffed. “I’m sorry. This is so unlike me. It’s just that—” She pushed Michelle back, holding her by the shoulders, staring into her eyes. “I’ve missed youso much!”
Tears tumbled down both their cheeks. For once, Michelle didn’t try to stop them—didn’t try to push the pain of Angela’s loss and all the resulting loneliness into some hidden corner of her heart. She let the flood come, washing away bitterness, regret, and misplaced guilt. After a while, she started chuckling between sobs. Penny raised her head, puzzled.
“It’s just—” Michelle hiccupped, and swallowed before going on. “We’re here, crying our eyes out, and for the first time, I’m at peace. That seems so contradictory.” She grabbed a napkin and blew her nose. “I didn’t realize it before, butI’ve missed me, too. I think…I think, maybe, I can accept the fact that it’s okay to feel something besides sorrow.”
Penny almost started crying again. She’d never be able to tell Michelle, but Angela’s loss had been a double whammy for her, because she’d lost Michelle then, too—a lifelong friend, the sister of her heart. Oh, they’d remained friends, but the sisterly connection hadn’t been there like before, because Michelle had closed herself off, holding everyone at arm’s length. Selfishly, Penny felt that if the price of getting her friend back for good was a relationship that didn’t last in the end, it was worth it.
After they had dried their eyes and downed a couple of cups of coffee in companionable silence, Penny asked, “So, are you going to keep seeing
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