immediately bring it down to my leg, the minute it makes contact, beginning to count.
It’s always one minute when I’m doing it to the girls at school, but for me, in order to make sure I block everything completely out but the pain that comes from the feel of it burning into my skin, I make it last an extra three.
Two hundred and forty seconds is all it takes for my heart to speed up, my breathing to become ragged and the blood to rush to my head. With each passing second the clammy feel of his hands is washed away, the smell of his alcohol filled breath completely erased until nothing but emptiness remains.
Yes, this was definitely the right thing to do.
I feel better already.
Chapter Six
Eric
She had no idea I was feeling that way. When I finally had her attention, breaking down through my stutter and telling her everything, she admitted she knew there was something going on with me, but had no idea it was that.
Isabelle picks up on a lot more than most people do. We’re the same that way. A lot of the reason with her is because she didn’t talk so it was easier for her to just watch. For me, it wasn’t because I didn’t speak; it was because socially, I don’t have a clue what I’m doing so it’s just easier sitting in the background and taking it all in.
Her knowing that I wasn’t right, it’s more than I could have ever asked for because it means that eventually she would have called me on it. It’s been this way since I moved here in the summer and our families connected because of some online autism support group they were all a part of. We’ve always been able to tell when something’s not right and we’re usually so blunt about it that we don’t waste time finding out why.
~*~*~
“How long?”
“What do you mean?”
“How long have you been feeling like this and keeping it a secret?”
“Awhile.”
“Eric, tell me.”
“A few months, I guess?”
She nods in understanding but her eyes tell a different story. There’s pity in them, which she knows I hate almost as much as she does. I don’t want her to pity me or feel bad because I’m the way I am. It won’t make anything better.
“It’s no big deal.”
“Eric, it’s a very big deal. I’m still sort of new to this whole girlfriend thing so I get caught up in Kayden a lot. It’s unfair to you that I do that.”
“No, it’s not.”
“I thought you were upset about Cadence.”
I don’t wanna talk about that. Sure, it was right after she got with Dillon that these feelings started, but nothing else is about her.
“It wasn’t Caddy.”
“I know you like her, Eric. We all do.”
“Who else knows?”
“Me, Kay and Dillon.”
“You didn’t tell her, did you?”
“No.”
“Good.”
“Eric,” she sighs and the sound is like a knife to my chest. I hate making her act like this. She should be happy, not depressed or sad because of everything that’s wrong with me. “I’m sorry that I made you feel like a third wheel.”
“You don’t need to be—”
“Yes I do.” She says, completely cutting me off. “You’re my best friend and I made you feel bad. So, yes I do need to apologize.”
Unsure of what to say now, I just let the air go dead around us, focusing instead on the blades of grass in front of me, pulling them up from the ground one at a time until there’s a pile in front of me. It’s only when a shadow makes its way over me that I realize how much time has actually passed and that we’re no longer alone.
“That shit he was saying, it won’t happen again.”
Kayden to the rescue. Another thing I can’t stand. I should be able to deal with this myself instead of falling apart and letting him deal with it. Dillon was right before, I am a big baby.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes it does. I told you that I wouldn’t let that shit happen anymore and I meant it. I don’t give a shit that it’s not physical stuff. The taunting and name calling stops
It’s always one minute when I’m doing it to the girls at school, but for me, in order to make sure I block everything completely out but the pain that comes from the feel of it burning into my skin, I make it last an extra three.
Two hundred and forty seconds is all it takes for my heart to speed up, my breathing to become ragged and the blood to rush to my head. With each passing second the clammy feel of his hands is washed away, the smell of his alcohol filled breath completely erased until nothing but emptiness remains.
Yes, this was definitely the right thing to do.
I feel better already.
Chapter Six
Eric
She had no idea I was feeling that way. When I finally had her attention, breaking down through my stutter and telling her everything, she admitted she knew there was something going on with me, but had no idea it was that.
Isabelle picks up on a lot more than most people do. We’re the same that way. A lot of the reason with her is because she didn’t talk so it was easier for her to just watch. For me, it wasn’t because I didn’t speak; it was because socially, I don’t have a clue what I’m doing so it’s just easier sitting in the background and taking it all in.
Her knowing that I wasn’t right, it’s more than I could have ever asked for because it means that eventually she would have called me on it. It’s been this way since I moved here in the summer and our families connected because of some online autism support group they were all a part of. We’ve always been able to tell when something’s not right and we’re usually so blunt about it that we don’t waste time finding out why.
~*~*~
“How long?”
“What do you mean?”
“How long have you been feeling like this and keeping it a secret?”
“Awhile.”
“Eric, tell me.”
“A few months, I guess?”
She nods in understanding but her eyes tell a different story. There’s pity in them, which she knows I hate almost as much as she does. I don’t want her to pity me or feel bad because I’m the way I am. It won’t make anything better.
“It’s no big deal.”
“Eric, it’s a very big deal. I’m still sort of new to this whole girlfriend thing so I get caught up in Kayden a lot. It’s unfair to you that I do that.”
“No, it’s not.”
“I thought you were upset about Cadence.”
I don’t wanna talk about that. Sure, it was right after she got with Dillon that these feelings started, but nothing else is about her.
“It wasn’t Caddy.”
“I know you like her, Eric. We all do.”
“Who else knows?”
“Me, Kay and Dillon.”
“You didn’t tell her, did you?”
“No.”
“Good.”
“Eric,” she sighs and the sound is like a knife to my chest. I hate making her act like this. She should be happy, not depressed or sad because of everything that’s wrong with me. “I’m sorry that I made you feel like a third wheel.”
“You don’t need to be—”
“Yes I do.” She says, completely cutting me off. “You’re my best friend and I made you feel bad. So, yes I do need to apologize.”
Unsure of what to say now, I just let the air go dead around us, focusing instead on the blades of grass in front of me, pulling them up from the ground one at a time until there’s a pile in front of me. It’s only when a shadow makes its way over me that I realize how much time has actually passed and that we’re no longer alone.
“That shit he was saying, it won’t happen again.”
Kayden to the rescue. Another thing I can’t stand. I should be able to deal with this myself instead of falling apart and letting him deal with it. Dillon was right before, I am a big baby.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes it does. I told you that I wouldn’t let that shit happen anymore and I meant it. I don’t give a shit that it’s not physical stuff. The taunting and name calling stops
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