was great. And we wanted to be in his good books, that’s the thing. It wasn’t easy to be in Harm’s good books. He wasn’t like other men, most men. Any men. I wished he was.
I understood men. I knew what they wanted and how to keep them happy, but Harm wasn’t like that. Grace thought he was, it’s why she had to go. Insulting him by suggesting he wanted us in that way. He doesn’t. I don’t think he can. He never touched May, but she was pregnant and no one knew how. She wouldn’t say, wouldn’t breathe a word.
I heard Ashleigh finish in the bathroom and walk back to her room. It was quiet, just London’s noise washing at the windows. I was waiting for May to come up. She always came to see me before bed. To talk, to say goodnight. I needed to know she was okay.
This place – I could feel it boiling under me.
I wanted her up here with me, not down there with him. If I’d had the courage I’d’ve gone to her room, braved the dirty looks from Ashleigh, risked getting caught by Christie, or Harm.
My whole fucking life was if-I-had-the-courage.
I’m pregnant.
I’d been counting the minutes, hours, since she’d said that.
Wanting her up here with me.
Scared that she was down there, with him.
And that he’d turned his back.
11
Noah heard the TV as he was unlocking the front door. Shouting and bullets being fired, guttural screams, wet flesh. Another zombie all-nighter. He dropped his keys into the bowl in the hall and toed off his shoes, going through to the sitting room.
His kid brother Sol was sprawled on the sofa next to Dan, their faces lit red and green by the TV, which was showing a close-up of a machete removing the top of someone’s head.
Sol grinned up at Noah. ‘Hey, bro.’
‘Hey. Sorry I’m late. Did I miss supper?’
‘I got your text.’ Dan rolled upright, coming around the sofa to kiss him. ‘Ordered Chinese. It should be here in twenty minutes.’
On the TV, a man with a face like a chisel was wielding a crossbow at an approaching corpse. Sol slapped his knees. ‘You’re for it now, dick-brain!’
Dan said innocently, ‘It’s won a Golden Globe.’
‘Twenty minutes until the food gets here?’ Noah hooked his thumb through the belt loop on Dan’s jeans, steering the pair of them into the hall. ‘Help me work up an appetite.’
Dan pushed the sitting room door shut with his foot, leaving Sol with the TV. ‘We should warm some plates.’
‘Hmm. Warm me first.’
‘You don’t need it, you’re always hot.’ Dan tossed Noah’s tie over his shoulder, leaning in to tongue at his neck. ‘Taste good, too.’
Noah let his hips go loose, relaxing into Dan’s grip, his breath hitching. ‘Christ… You’ve been watching way too many zombies.’
‘You don’t like being bitten?’
‘Rather be sucked.’ Pulling at Dan’s blond fringe, wanting the hot blue of his eyes. ‘Or kissed.’
Dan pressed him into the wall, kissing until Noah’s head started to spin. ‘You taste of apples.’
‘Hmm. That was lunch.’
‘DI Rome doesn’t feed you?’
‘Not her job. We were busy. Over in Battersea, by the power station.’
Dan rolled his hips against Noah’s. ‘Love it there. Keep getting invited to go climbing one last time before the rest of the chimneys come down.’
‘Your place-hacker friends,’ Noah deduced.
‘Urban explorers,’ Dan corrected. ‘Take back the city from the planners …’
‘… get arrested for trespass. Break your neck. Just as well you’re too smart to say yes to these adrenalin junkies.’
‘It’s not just about adrenalin.’ Dan propped an elbow next to Noah’s head, kissing him between sentences. ‘It’s reconnecting with what’s ours, getting through the fences, under the city’s skin.’
‘Hmm. Your mates’ll get caught sooner or later. More CCTV cameras in the UK than the rest of Europe put together. They know that, right?’
‘They know I’m screwing a detective sergeant. That tends to limit the
I understood men. I knew what they wanted and how to keep them happy, but Harm wasn’t like that. Grace thought he was, it’s why she had to go. Insulting him by suggesting he wanted us in that way. He doesn’t. I don’t think he can. He never touched May, but she was pregnant and no one knew how. She wouldn’t say, wouldn’t breathe a word.
I heard Ashleigh finish in the bathroom and walk back to her room. It was quiet, just London’s noise washing at the windows. I was waiting for May to come up. She always came to see me before bed. To talk, to say goodnight. I needed to know she was okay.
This place – I could feel it boiling under me.
I wanted her up here with me, not down there with him. If I’d had the courage I’d’ve gone to her room, braved the dirty looks from Ashleigh, risked getting caught by Christie, or Harm.
My whole fucking life was if-I-had-the-courage.
I’m pregnant.
I’d been counting the minutes, hours, since she’d said that.
Wanting her up here with me.
Scared that she was down there, with him.
And that he’d turned his back.
11
Noah heard the TV as he was unlocking the front door. Shouting and bullets being fired, guttural screams, wet flesh. Another zombie all-nighter. He dropped his keys into the bowl in the hall and toed off his shoes, going through to the sitting room.
His kid brother Sol was sprawled on the sofa next to Dan, their faces lit red and green by the TV, which was showing a close-up of a machete removing the top of someone’s head.
Sol grinned up at Noah. ‘Hey, bro.’
‘Hey. Sorry I’m late. Did I miss supper?’
‘I got your text.’ Dan rolled upright, coming around the sofa to kiss him. ‘Ordered Chinese. It should be here in twenty minutes.’
On the TV, a man with a face like a chisel was wielding a crossbow at an approaching corpse. Sol slapped his knees. ‘You’re for it now, dick-brain!’
Dan said innocently, ‘It’s won a Golden Globe.’
‘Twenty minutes until the food gets here?’ Noah hooked his thumb through the belt loop on Dan’s jeans, steering the pair of them into the hall. ‘Help me work up an appetite.’
Dan pushed the sitting room door shut with his foot, leaving Sol with the TV. ‘We should warm some plates.’
‘Hmm. Warm me first.’
‘You don’t need it, you’re always hot.’ Dan tossed Noah’s tie over his shoulder, leaning in to tongue at his neck. ‘Taste good, too.’
Noah let his hips go loose, relaxing into Dan’s grip, his breath hitching. ‘Christ… You’ve been watching way too many zombies.’
‘You don’t like being bitten?’
‘Rather be sucked.’ Pulling at Dan’s blond fringe, wanting the hot blue of his eyes. ‘Or kissed.’
Dan pressed him into the wall, kissing until Noah’s head started to spin. ‘You taste of apples.’
‘Hmm. That was lunch.’
‘DI Rome doesn’t feed you?’
‘Not her job. We were busy. Over in Battersea, by the power station.’
Dan rolled his hips against Noah’s. ‘Love it there. Keep getting invited to go climbing one last time before the rest of the chimneys come down.’
‘Your place-hacker friends,’ Noah deduced.
‘Urban explorers,’ Dan corrected. ‘Take back the city from the planners …’
‘… get arrested for trespass. Break your neck. Just as well you’re too smart to say yes to these adrenalin junkies.’
‘It’s not just about adrenalin.’ Dan propped an elbow next to Noah’s head, kissing him between sentences. ‘It’s reconnecting with what’s ours, getting through the fences, under the city’s skin.’
‘Hmm. Your mates’ll get caught sooner or later. More CCTV cameras in the UK than the rest of Europe put together. They know that, right?’
‘They know I’m screwing a detective sergeant. That tends to limit the
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