Ten Lords A-Leaping by Ruth Dudley Edwards Page B

bill to your MPs and local councillors and tell them you want evidence that they are putting pressure on members of the House of Lords through public speeches and private lobbying. I understand the Animal Rights Federation can provide you with lists of companies with peers as board members. Write to the chairmen threatening to boycott their company’s products if the peers on their board don’t vote the right way. And write individually to peers making it clear that this issue will not go away.’
    ‘Brother Francis?’
    ‘Prayer, of course. And spreading the word to your friends and neighbours so that they too can help in this holy work.’
    ‘Jerry?’
    ‘Demonstrate outside the Lords and outside the homes of the key perpetrators of these foul practices. We will hand you the list at the door. And remember too, that it is, as Brother Francis says, a holy crusade, so we must make it clear that wrongdoing will be punished. And when you demonstrate, do so with fervour and do so with pride.’
    This solicited another outbreak of cheering and clapping. From the back of the hall came a truculent North-country accent.
    ‘We don’t want to be namby-pamby about this.’
    ‘A man after your own heart,’ whispered Amiss to the baroness.
    ‘If the police try to silence us or deny us our right to protest democratically, it is our duty to resist them as we would any forces of fascism.’
    ‘Excuse me, Chair,’ said Lady Parsons. ‘It is important that no one should damage this cause by any form of violence.’
    ‘The violence,’ said the heavy voice from the back, ‘will be from the oppressive agents of the state. Self-defence is our right.’
    ‘Yes, well, I’m sure no one will do anything silly,’ said the chairman, with more hope than conviction. ‘Now if that’s all…’
    To Amiss’s alarm, the baroness leapt to her feet. ‘Mr Chairman.’
    ‘Yes?’
    ‘I have a question for each of the speakers.’
    ‘Oh, I don’t think there’s time…’
    ‘There will be time if you don’t interrupt.’
    He subsided into his chair looking sullen.
    ‘First, Lady Parsons. You stated that it was the duty of the Lords, as of the Commons, to respond to the wish of ninety-four per cent of the population that fox-hunting be abolished.’
    ‘Certainly.’ Parsons was calm.
    ‘How do you square that with your well-known opposition to capital punishment. Over ninety-four per cent of the population are in favour of that.’
    ‘That is an absolutely false comparison.’
    ‘How?’
    ‘Because it is the duty of representatives of the people to be morally in the lead. On capital punishment, in due course the people will follow. In this case, the people have been morally ahead of their legislators.’
    ‘What a load of dishonest bullshit.’
    ‘Really,’ squeaked the chairman. ‘I must protest.’
    Hisses and boos came from the audience. She raised her voice. ‘Now, I would like Brother Francis, Lord Purseglove, to explain how if animals are all that is good, sweet and innocent, they spend so much of their time hunting and killing each other.’
    ‘Only some of them,’ he bleated. ‘Think how many of them are vegetarian: the hippopotamus, the squirrel, the hare. It will be for us to wean those still locked in the primitive pursuit of flesh to a vegetarian path. Why, I have as a companion, at this very time, a pussy cat who is fed on soya and biscuits and if you saw her gambol happily when I bring her her food, you would know that she had no need for the flesh of her fellow creatures.’
    Her contemptuous snort trumpeted forth.
    ‘My God, you’re even barmier than I thought. Some people are daft enough to try to alter human nature, but you’re the first person I’ve come across who’s ambitious enough to take this as far as the animal kingdom. I wish you luck.’
    He smiled at her in a saintly manner. ‘Thank you, sister.’
    ‘Now, Mr Dolamore,’ she shouted over the chorus of disapproval which had broken out