The Accidental Familiar (Accidentally Paranormal Series Book 14) by Dakota Cassidy Page A

guy?”
    “Oh, stop playing coy with us, Mr. Smexy,” Calamity cooed, winding her tail around his ankle and purring a thick, sultry sound in the back of her throat. “You know why we’re here.”
    His lips thinned when he crossed his arms over his burly chest. “Explain yourself.”
    Calamity reached upward with her front paws, planting them on his knees and stretching as she tilted her head to look up at him. “I’m here to hand-deliver your new familiar, Sexy Pants. Make sure when the powers that be send out that survey, you remember to mention how timely I was. It counts for points toward a new travel tote. If you give me a five-star rating, it’ll push me right over the top, and that tote’ll be mine in no time flat.”
    “Ahh,” he muttered, driving a wide hand through his thick, dark hair with a raspy sigh. “I should have known. You’re from Familiar Central.”
    “Yep,” Calamity declared, dropping down and dancing about on all four of her dainty paws. “So show us where to go so we can get settled and then we’ll all sit down and have a nice little getting-to-know-you session. Also, if you have some tuna handy, I’d appreciate the shit out of a bowl—packed in water only, please. This has been one of the longest nights of my fekkin’ life. Do you have any idea how exhausting it is to induct a familiar? Especially a newb. Jesus and a popsicle. It’s more paperwork than leasing a damn car.”
    Marty scooped up Calamity and tucked her under her arm, sticking her other hand out to the stranger. “Introductions are in order. I’m Marty Flaherty. The bully you froze on the spot—thank you for that, by the way—is Nina Statleon. Behind me is Wanda Jefferson, and the woman clinging to Wanda as though she were the last pint of Häagen-Dazs on earth is Poppy McGuillicuddy, your new familiar.”
    He lifted his square chin with a dimple in it and nodded with a curt bob of his dark head. “I know who she is. Now take her and your friend here and go the hell away. I’ve already told Familiar Central I’m good. So, if you’ll excuse me, ladies, have a good night.”
    And with that, he was gone.
    As in, took his gorgeous self and disappeared into the ether, leaving behind only the scent of ozone and sardines.
    Well, that was a fine how-do-ya-do.

Chapter 4
    P oppy looked at the women, stunned, her fingers twining together to find her palms cold and clammy. “So was that what we, in my human circle, call the big dis? I think we’d better go back to Familiar Central and get in the line labeled Rejected By A Total Douche Witch, because if there’s one thing he doesn’t want, I’d say a familiar is on the top of the list.”
    Calamity rasped a sigh, moving in and out of Nina’s still unmoving form. “Sometimes they’re reluctant. Case in point, my half-breed. She hated my guts at first.”
    “And this thing you guys are in the throes of right now is called what? Mad-like? Because I’m afraid to know what hated your guts meant,” Poppy wondered out loud, shifting from foot to foot.
    “We’re in the throes of making shit work because we have no choice but to make things work. I refer back to my Scottish castle hell as a point of reference. I’d rather be with these loony-toon bitches in all their perfume and mascara than with some old, crusty dude who doesn’t wear any underwear beneath his musty robes.”
    Sure, that scenario sounded crappy, but how much crappier could it be than being hated by a hot guy with a shitty attitude—for life?
    “But did the sheep like you?”
    “Well, yeah. We got along pretty well. They have amazingly soft fur, too. Nothing like hunkering down with them on a cold winter’s night.”
    “I think I’ll take getting along with a herd of sheep who at least let me snuggle with them as opposed to hating my guts.” Pausing, she looked at the women and asked, “Everybody who thinks Poppy should get a new witch, raise your hand.” She lifted hers high above her