once said to Dad, ‘they don’t have time for that,’ and he agreed. That kind of life would just kill most people. The likes of us city folk in offices don’t know how lucky we are.
Nup, I wouldnae want to be outside in this. We’re in Dad’s car and I’m driving us out to the new hospital at Little France via the city bypass. We’ve all been pretty silent on the journey. It’s making Mum nervous and she says something about the snow up on the hills at the Pentlands, but Caroline is just sitting in the back reading her book.
— Wonder if it’ll snow again later? Mum asks, pushing it. — Looks like snow clouds to me. Then she turns to me and says,
— Sorry, son, I shouldnae be distracting you while you’re driving. Caroline, a wee bit of conversation from you would be welcome.
Caroline lets out a sharp exhalation of breath and puts her book on to her lap. — I need to read this book for my course, Mum, or should I just jack in the university because I haven’t done the required reading?
—
No . . . my mum says quickly, and she’s sorry, you can tell, because she knows how much Dad wants Caroline to do well at the uni.
It should be good at Christmas; it always was before, always the best time. No now but.
I’ve got to be really careful about who I marry. It’s not something you can just rush into. I’ve narrowed it down to five candidates:
Ann
Karen
Muffy
Elli
Celia
Ann is sweet and reliable, but I like Karen cause she’s really friendly. I sort of like Muffy as well, but I’m no quite so sure about her. I think that she’s the kind of girl that Dad would describe as ‘dodgy’! Elli’s dead nice as well, and though I don’t want to rule out Celia, I think she may have to go from the list.
We pull into the car park and Mum and I share the brolly as the rain is now coming down hard. Caroline could share too if she wanted tae, but she just puts the hood up on her red sweatshirt and wraps her arms around herself and strides quickly across the tarmac to get under the canopy above the gateway to the entrance.
When we get on to the ward I’m nervous as I approach my dad’s bed. As I see him I feel a terrible force rising in me, it seems like it’s coming up from the lino floor through the soles of my leather brogues, and for a second I think that I’m going to pass out. I take a deep breath but it’s all I can do to bring myself to look at his gaunt, tired face. Something hangs heavily inside me. I have to admit to something that I couldn’t accept before: my dad is fading fast. He’s just skin and bone and I seenow that we’ve all just been pretending – me, mum and even Caz in our different ways – that it’s all going to be okay.
I’m so shocked at my father’s decline it takes me a couple of seconds tae register that there’s this guy standing by the side of his bed. I haven’t met him before. He’s a big man, quite rough-looking, though Dad always says that you can’t go by appearances, which is true. He doesn’t introduce himself and Dad doesnae introduce him either, he doesnae shake hands, he only nods to us all, then heads off pretty quickly. I think he was embarrassed that he’d intruded on the family’s time, but it was good of him to come.
— Who was that guy, Dad? Caroline asks. I can see my mum looking worried, cause she obviously doesn’t know who the guy is either.
— Just an old friend, my dad wheezes.
— A chap from the railways it’ll be, Mum coos. — From the railways, Keith?
— The railways . . . Dad says, but like he’s thinking of something else.
—
See, the railways, Mum says, now seeming pacified.
— What was his name? Caroline asks, her brow furrowed.
Dad goes to speak and he seems really uncomfortable, but Mum cuts in, grabbing his hand, and says to Caz, — Don’t tire your dad out, Caroline, then she turns to Dad and says, — Tired?
It was unusual cause my dad doesn’t have many friends, he’s always been more of a
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