was going to live with Troy, the one that made me feel so alive when I first held him in my arms.”
Ms. Clarisse’s voice went dark, disappointment followed her tone.
“Then Troy brought me to Gilia, and promised he would visit me, celebrate family birthdays, and bring my grandchildren. Ana and Ben agreed on the idea, and it sounded alright. It was the first time the family agreed on one thing, and I couldn’t stand living in my home without my husband. As long as my family visits, I could cope living here. But no one ever came, not even my daughter Ana, whom I felt closest to. Her marriage grew dysfunctional, and I stopped hearing from her. My youngest son Ben didn’t even know where Gilia was. When I called him, and asked him to visit me, he stopped answering my calls. For three years I have waited. On family birthdays, I call them, hoping they would remember me.”
Ms. Clarisse grew silent. I think it’s my turn to speak, but I’m unsure of what words to say to something so personal, and hurtful.
“No one visits me!” she yelled.
Ms. Clarisse’s voice echoed into the hall, I jumped at her escalating voice.
“I’m no different than an abandoned dog in a pound, hopelessly waiting for the owner return! They don’t even try to visit me. Did I spoil them that bad? Would there be a difference if I disciplined them? It makes me angry—it makes me hate my own children! Like the stupid woman that I am, every year I call them on their birthdays, in hopes they will let me see them. Despite the anger, and the grudge I have on my heart, it’s hard for me to believe that I still love them.”
“Ms. Clarisse, you’re not alone.” I whispered.
My own throat is starting to tighten. Just hearing her pour all of these hurtful feelings is pushing me to the brink of tears. Unaware, of my sensitive state, Ms. Clarisse laughed.
“Oh I know most of the folks in Gilia have the same history as me. But they do something differently that I cannot! They are willing to smile and befriend each other, and move on—but I can’t. No, I refuse to move on! I can’t forget and forgive for what they did to me, and to their father!”
Like a boxer ready for a match, Ms. Clarisse gripped her good fist, and started beating on her own chest. It hurt me to see that, I told her to stop but she didn’t listen.
“No matter how much I try, I’m still weak.” she cried “There’s nothing I can do to let them know how much I love them.”
I took her hand to stop her from hurting herself, she forced her hand away from me, but I clenched it. When my tears started to fall, she relaxed. I smudged my tears from my cheek and laughed at myself for crying. Ms. Clarisse asked me why I’m crying, but I can’t tell her. I shouldn’t.
“Child.” she started. “You shouldn’t cry on me like that. I’m not the first person on earth who has gone through this. If my words upset you—”
“It’s my mom.” I chirped.
What Ms. Clarisse said, tugs at everything I thought my position in my family was. Her words eroded my definition of a mother. Embarrassed, I finally decided to explain myself.
“You are so patient, and kind. Even with the neglect, you still try to reach out to them. Against all odds, you still hope for them. My mother—my mother was not that kind of person. She is the opposite.”
“Opposite? Stop crying child and explain yourself!” stammered Ms. Clarisse.
“There’s isn’t much to explain.” I smiled. “Your words alone confirm it. Now that I know the truth, I can’t help but cry.”
“Truth?” she asked. “What truth?”
“My mother.” I released. “My mother has never loved me.”
Chapter Six
The Old Sayin’
“The old saying is that it happens to all of us.”
M y time at the hospital was bitter-sweet. It was awkward for me to receive the kindness of the infamous Mr. Clarisse of the Gilia. It didn’t happen miraculously, but through the post-surgery and after, we became good
Ms. Clarisse’s voice went dark, disappointment followed her tone.
“Then Troy brought me to Gilia, and promised he would visit me, celebrate family birthdays, and bring my grandchildren. Ana and Ben agreed on the idea, and it sounded alright. It was the first time the family agreed on one thing, and I couldn’t stand living in my home without my husband. As long as my family visits, I could cope living here. But no one ever came, not even my daughter Ana, whom I felt closest to. Her marriage grew dysfunctional, and I stopped hearing from her. My youngest son Ben didn’t even know where Gilia was. When I called him, and asked him to visit me, he stopped answering my calls. For three years I have waited. On family birthdays, I call them, hoping they would remember me.”
Ms. Clarisse grew silent. I think it’s my turn to speak, but I’m unsure of what words to say to something so personal, and hurtful.
“No one visits me!” she yelled.
Ms. Clarisse’s voice echoed into the hall, I jumped at her escalating voice.
“I’m no different than an abandoned dog in a pound, hopelessly waiting for the owner return! They don’t even try to visit me. Did I spoil them that bad? Would there be a difference if I disciplined them? It makes me angry—it makes me hate my own children! Like the stupid woman that I am, every year I call them on their birthdays, in hopes they will let me see them. Despite the anger, and the grudge I have on my heart, it’s hard for me to believe that I still love them.”
“Ms. Clarisse, you’re not alone.” I whispered.
My own throat is starting to tighten. Just hearing her pour all of these hurtful feelings is pushing me to the brink of tears. Unaware, of my sensitive state, Ms. Clarisse laughed.
“Oh I know most of the folks in Gilia have the same history as me. But they do something differently that I cannot! They are willing to smile and befriend each other, and move on—but I can’t. No, I refuse to move on! I can’t forget and forgive for what they did to me, and to their father!”
Like a boxer ready for a match, Ms. Clarisse gripped her good fist, and started beating on her own chest. It hurt me to see that, I told her to stop but she didn’t listen.
“No matter how much I try, I’m still weak.” she cried “There’s nothing I can do to let them know how much I love them.”
I took her hand to stop her from hurting herself, she forced her hand away from me, but I clenched it. When my tears started to fall, she relaxed. I smudged my tears from my cheek and laughed at myself for crying. Ms. Clarisse asked me why I’m crying, but I can’t tell her. I shouldn’t.
“Child.” she started. “You shouldn’t cry on me like that. I’m not the first person on earth who has gone through this. If my words upset you—”
“It’s my mom.” I chirped.
What Ms. Clarisse said, tugs at everything I thought my position in my family was. Her words eroded my definition of a mother. Embarrassed, I finally decided to explain myself.
“You are so patient, and kind. Even with the neglect, you still try to reach out to them. Against all odds, you still hope for them. My mother—my mother was not that kind of person. She is the opposite.”
“Opposite? Stop crying child and explain yourself!” stammered Ms. Clarisse.
“There’s isn’t much to explain.” I smiled. “Your words alone confirm it. Now that I know the truth, I can’t help but cry.”
“Truth?” she asked. “What truth?”
“My mother.” I released. “My mother has never loved me.”
Chapter Six
The Old Sayin’
“The old saying is that it happens to all of us.”
M y time at the hospital was bitter-sweet. It was awkward for me to receive the kindness of the infamous Mr. Clarisse of the Gilia. It didn’t happen miraculously, but through the post-surgery and after, we became good
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