would yearn to satisfy herself of my wretchedness.
Francis was going on, ‘She’ll want to show off, she’s rich now you see, sort of merry widow style, she’ll want to show off to her old friends, anybody would, oh yes, she’ll be sniffing after you, you’ll see, and—’
‘I’m not interested,’ I cried, ‘I’m not interested !’
‘You are interested, you know. Why if ever I saw an interested look on a bloke’s face—’
‘Has she got children?’
‘There you are, you are . No, she hasn’t. Now I’ve always liked you, Brad, and wanted to see you again, I’ve always admired you, I read your book – ’
‘Which book?’
‘I forget its name. It was great. Maybe you wondered why I didn’t turn up – ’
‘No!’
‘Well, I was bashful, felt I was small fry like, but now with Christian turning up it’s – You see, I’m in debt up to the neck, have to keep changing my digs and that – Now Chris sort of paid me off you might say some time back, and I thought that if you and Chris were likely to get together again—’
‘You mean you want me to intercede for you?’
‘Sort of, sort of—’
‘Oh God!’ I said, ‘Get out, will you ?’ The idea of my prising money out of Christian for her delinquent brother struck me as unusually lunatic even for Francis.
‘And, you know, I was knocked when I heard she was back, it’s a shock, it changes a lot of things, I wanted to come and chew it over with somebody, for human interest like, and you were natural-I say, is there any drink in the house?’
‘Just go, will you please.’
‘I intuit she’ll want you, want to impress you and that – We broke down in letters, you see, I was always wanting money, and then she got a lawyer to stop me writing to her – But now it’s like a new start, if you could just sort of ease me in, bring me along like—’
‘ You want me to pose as your friend ?’
‘But we could be friends, Brad – Look, is there anything to drink in the house?’
‘No.’
The telephone began to ring.
‘Go away please,’ I said, ‘and stay away.’
‘Bradley, have a heart—’
‘Out!’
He stood before me with that air of revolting humility. I threw open the sitting-room door and the door of the flat. I picked up the telephone in the hall.
Arnold Baffin’s voice was on the wire. He spoke quietly, rather slowly. ‘Bradley, could you come round here please — I think that I may have just killed Rachel.’
I said immediately, quietly too but in emotion, ‘Arnold, don’t be silly. Don’t be silly !’
‘Could you come round at once please.’ His voice sounded like a recorded announcement.
I said, ‘Have you called a doctor?’
A moment’s pause. ‘No.’
‘Well, do so!’
‘I’ll — explain – Could you come round at once—’
‘Arnold,’ I said, ‘you can’t have killed her – You’re talking nonsense – You can’t have – ’
A moment’s pause. ‘Maybe.’ His voice was toneless as if calm. A matter doubtless of severe shock.
‘What happened—?’
‘Bradley, could you—’
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘I’ll come round at once. I’ll get a taxi.’ I replaced the receiver.
It may be relevant to record that my first general feeling on hearing what Arnold had to say was one of curious joy. Before the reader sets me down as a monster of callousness let him look into his own heart. Such reactions are not after all so abnormal and may be said in that minimal sense at least to be almost excusable. We naturally take in the catastrophes of our friends a pleasure which genuinely does not preclude friendship. This is partly but not entirely because we enjoy being empowered as helpers. The unexpected or inappropriate catastrophe is especially piquant. I was very attached to both Arnold and Rachel. But there is a natural tribal hostility between the married and the unmarried. I cannot stand the shows so often quite instinctively put on by married people to insinuate that they are
Francis was going on, ‘She’ll want to show off, she’s rich now you see, sort of merry widow style, she’ll want to show off to her old friends, anybody would, oh yes, she’ll be sniffing after you, you’ll see, and—’
‘I’m not interested,’ I cried, ‘I’m not interested !’
‘You are interested, you know. Why if ever I saw an interested look on a bloke’s face—’
‘Has she got children?’
‘There you are, you are . No, she hasn’t. Now I’ve always liked you, Brad, and wanted to see you again, I’ve always admired you, I read your book – ’
‘Which book?’
‘I forget its name. It was great. Maybe you wondered why I didn’t turn up – ’
‘No!’
‘Well, I was bashful, felt I was small fry like, but now with Christian turning up it’s – You see, I’m in debt up to the neck, have to keep changing my digs and that – Now Chris sort of paid me off you might say some time back, and I thought that if you and Chris were likely to get together again—’
‘You mean you want me to intercede for you?’
‘Sort of, sort of—’
‘Oh God!’ I said, ‘Get out, will you ?’ The idea of my prising money out of Christian for her delinquent brother struck me as unusually lunatic even for Francis.
‘And, you know, I was knocked when I heard she was back, it’s a shock, it changes a lot of things, I wanted to come and chew it over with somebody, for human interest like, and you were natural-I say, is there any drink in the house?’
‘Just go, will you please.’
‘I intuit she’ll want you, want to impress you and that – We broke down in letters, you see, I was always wanting money, and then she got a lawyer to stop me writing to her – But now it’s like a new start, if you could just sort of ease me in, bring me along like—’
‘ You want me to pose as your friend ?’
‘But we could be friends, Brad – Look, is there anything to drink in the house?’
‘No.’
The telephone began to ring.
‘Go away please,’ I said, ‘and stay away.’
‘Bradley, have a heart—’
‘Out!’
He stood before me with that air of revolting humility. I threw open the sitting-room door and the door of the flat. I picked up the telephone in the hall.
Arnold Baffin’s voice was on the wire. He spoke quietly, rather slowly. ‘Bradley, could you come round here please — I think that I may have just killed Rachel.’
I said immediately, quietly too but in emotion, ‘Arnold, don’t be silly. Don’t be silly !’
‘Could you come round at once please.’ His voice sounded like a recorded announcement.
I said, ‘Have you called a doctor?’
A moment’s pause. ‘No.’
‘Well, do so!’
‘I’ll — explain – Could you come round at once—’
‘Arnold,’ I said, ‘you can’t have killed her – You’re talking nonsense – You can’t have – ’
A moment’s pause. ‘Maybe.’ His voice was toneless as if calm. A matter doubtless of severe shock.
‘What happened—?’
‘Bradley, could you—’
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘I’ll come round at once. I’ll get a taxi.’ I replaced the receiver.
It may be relevant to record that my first general feeling on hearing what Arnold had to say was one of curious joy. Before the reader sets me down as a monster of callousness let him look into his own heart. Such reactions are not after all so abnormal and may be said in that minimal sense at least to be almost excusable. We naturally take in the catastrophes of our friends a pleasure which genuinely does not preclude friendship. This is partly but not entirely because we enjoy being empowered as helpers. The unexpected or inappropriate catastrophe is especially piquant. I was very attached to both Arnold and Rachel. But there is a natural tribal hostility between the married and the unmarried. I cannot stand the shows so often quite instinctively put on by married people to insinuate that they are
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