The City Still Breathing by Matthew Heiti Page A

rang so much he was afraid Lemmy would wake up, but he slept through anything and Ukki’s hearing was already gone and mind going at that point. He let it ring until the sun came through the trees and then he walked out to the kitchen and picked it up and said hello like you would with any phone call and somebody told him how sorry she is to tell him.
    When Mom came into their rooms earlier that night she kissed Lemmy first, and then she climbed up to his bunk and leaned in. Väinö yelling from the kitchen, ‘Let’s go!’ Her breath coming out sour with alcohol. This is what they would say later, that she was drunk, but he knew that wasn’t it. That’s not what sends a car through a guardrail at the speed of light. Take care of your brother was the last thing she said to him. It was the only powerful thing he’d ever known her to do.
    He tries to imagine them in that moment, that split second of flight. If they felt free. If there had been room for a sliver of warmth. A look to say, So this is all we’ve been . Or if there was still only room for one final gush of violence. Take care of your brother , like he hadn’t been doing that since the day he was born. But he took it on like everything else. A pack mule , Dad used to say, Not good for anything else but carrying paska. Shit. He left his bag packed, just in case.
    To him it just looks like another ravine and he never slows down, not even with the snow trying to claw him back.
    Duncan’s waiting for him on the steps of the cenotaph in the park. His hood’s up, but a bit of green mohawk pokes out at the front like a horn. He’s watching the traffic and twitching all over the place.
    â€˜You look like a junkie, Duncan.’
    â€˜It’s fuckin cold, man.’
    â€˜Let’s take a walk.’
    They follow the path, through the trees, Duncan kicking at rocks with his combat boots. ‘So, um, how’s things out in Spanish?’
    Milly looks at Duncan, giving him time to stop asking stupid questions. He steps over the legs of some drunk passed out under a bush.
    They get to the playground and Milly drops himself into a swing. Duncan stands around, playing with the chain on his belt, looking one way, the other, anywhere except into Milly’s eyes. Like some kid dressed up for Halloween, too small for his costume.
    â€˜Fuckin snow, eh?’ He tries a laugh that turns into a cough and then spits, getting some on the sleeve of his leather jacket. Wiping it on his pants. ‘So my guy was in this morning, busted for carrying – Josh, you know Josh, right?’ Duncan’s eyes flick up, trying to read him, but he still gives the kid nothing. ‘Yeah, um, so Josh says these two cops come running in, saying they just found this body out on 17 and they got it in the back of their van.’
    â€˜I already heard this.’
    â€˜Yeah, I just thought you’d like the whole – ’
    â€˜Is it him?’
    â€˜I dunno, Milly.’
    Milly jumps out of the swing and starts to cut across the lawn. Duncan jogs to catch up, trailing after.
    â€˜Where’re you goin?’
    â€˜To the station.’
    â€˜What? What for?’
    â€˜To get him.’
    â€˜But – you can’t.’
    â€˜Why?’
    â€˜That’s what I’m tryin to tell you, Milly – fuck. He’s gone.’
    Milly stops and looks at Duncan, shoulders hunched up, the kid’s nose dripping snot. For a second, he’s about to reach out and crush his throat. He sees the bulge of Duncan’s larynx crawl as he swallows and his fingers imagine the shape, squeezing, squeezing, and the rattle that follows.
    Instead he pulls a handkerchief out of his back pocket and tosses it. ‘Wipe your nose.’
    Duncan dabs at his dripping nose, looking all apologetic. ‘Josh said that when they went out to the van to get him, he’d disappeared – somebody took