ex-girlfriend who had cheated on me with my best friend. She was a woman I had not been able to forgive. Now here sat Carla who left me for another man she believed was her soul mate—a man who gave her something I couldn’t.
Something mystifying. Something she couldn’t explain.
This frustrated me to no end.
“There’s no need to apologize,” I said nonetheless. “I appreciate you coming. It means a lot.”
Her watery eyes lifted. “If only you knew how much we prayed for you. Constantly. We didn’t want you to die.”
I let my head fall back against the pillow and stared up at the ceiling. “Thanks. That’s something.”
But when I thought about the place I had visited when I flatlined—how peaceful I felt there, especially in the memories…sitting in the rocking chair as a boy, holding the baby, looking up at Leah—I wasn’t convinced all those prayers had done me any favors.
Why in the world had I come back? I don’t recall making that decision. At least not consciously. Someone must have hit me over the head with a frying pan and pushed me.
Part of me wanted to go back there…to that incredible feeling of perfection. It seemed as if everything was about to become clear to me in that moment when Leah smiled at me, just before I felt the massive jolt.
I was suddenly wracked with confusion and turned my head on the pillow to meet Carla’s gaze. “Are you sure about him?” I asked, referring to Aaron Cameron, the man she had chosen over me. “Is there any hope for us?”
Our eyes locked and held.
She shook her head.
My stomach turned over. All I could do was lie there and stare at her.
Eventually, I let out a deep breath. “I’m glad you came,” I said in a low voice, “and I hold no ill will. But it’s time for you to go now.”
Nothing happened for a moment. Then she rose from the chair. Her lips touched my cheek. I closed my eyes, savoring the sensation, imprinting it in my mind forever.
“I’m so glad you’re all right,” Carla whispered in my ear.
I simply nodded and watched her leave.
Chapter Seventeen
My visit with Carla took a lot out of me. After she left, I didn’t have the energy to talk to my family. All I wanted to do was be alone, close my eyes, rest quietly. Accept what was final and could not be changed.
My sister Marie understood. She said she would return with my nieces and nephews that evening.
o0o
I’m not sure how long I slept. All I know is that when I woke, a golden light from the setting sun was beaming through the window.
I felt groggy and uncomfortable.
I pressed the call button and waited impatiently. An ambulance siren wailed outside.
Finally, Nurse Becky hurried through the door. “Is everything all right?”
I inched upward on the pillows and grimaced at the stiffness in my body. “I’d like to take another walk.”
“Sure. That’s a great idea.” She approached the bed and lowered the rail. “And very ambitious of you. Most patients have to be dragged kicking and screaming out of their beds after surgery.”
“I don’t want to just lie around,” I told her. “I need to get back to work. Sooner would be better than later.”
She hooked her arm under my elbow as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed. “You must really enjoy your job.”
Even after getting shot? I asked myself. Was I crazy to want to get back on the street? What would happen the next time I pulled someone over in the rain? Would I even be able to get out of the car?
“I guess so.”
Again, my muscles felt weak and rubbery, but I was determined to be mobile again. I couldn’t let myself fall into a rut, or God forbid, mope around like a heartsick loser for six weeks.
“You’re scheduled for physio tomorrow,” Nurse Becky told me as we shuffled toward the door. “And you’re doing great. Just remember, even a healthy person would find it a challenge to walk after being asleep for five days.”
I wasn’t really in the mood for conversation, but I
Something mystifying. Something she couldn’t explain.
This frustrated me to no end.
“There’s no need to apologize,” I said nonetheless. “I appreciate you coming. It means a lot.”
Her watery eyes lifted. “If only you knew how much we prayed for you. Constantly. We didn’t want you to die.”
I let my head fall back against the pillow and stared up at the ceiling. “Thanks. That’s something.”
But when I thought about the place I had visited when I flatlined—how peaceful I felt there, especially in the memories…sitting in the rocking chair as a boy, holding the baby, looking up at Leah—I wasn’t convinced all those prayers had done me any favors.
Why in the world had I come back? I don’t recall making that decision. At least not consciously. Someone must have hit me over the head with a frying pan and pushed me.
Part of me wanted to go back there…to that incredible feeling of perfection. It seemed as if everything was about to become clear to me in that moment when Leah smiled at me, just before I felt the massive jolt.
I was suddenly wracked with confusion and turned my head on the pillow to meet Carla’s gaze. “Are you sure about him?” I asked, referring to Aaron Cameron, the man she had chosen over me. “Is there any hope for us?”
Our eyes locked and held.
She shook her head.
My stomach turned over. All I could do was lie there and stare at her.
Eventually, I let out a deep breath. “I’m glad you came,” I said in a low voice, “and I hold no ill will. But it’s time for you to go now.”
Nothing happened for a moment. Then she rose from the chair. Her lips touched my cheek. I closed my eyes, savoring the sensation, imprinting it in my mind forever.
“I’m so glad you’re all right,” Carla whispered in my ear.
I simply nodded and watched her leave.
Chapter Seventeen
My visit with Carla took a lot out of me. After she left, I didn’t have the energy to talk to my family. All I wanted to do was be alone, close my eyes, rest quietly. Accept what was final and could not be changed.
My sister Marie understood. She said she would return with my nieces and nephews that evening.
o0o
I’m not sure how long I slept. All I know is that when I woke, a golden light from the setting sun was beaming through the window.
I felt groggy and uncomfortable.
I pressed the call button and waited impatiently. An ambulance siren wailed outside.
Finally, Nurse Becky hurried through the door. “Is everything all right?”
I inched upward on the pillows and grimaced at the stiffness in my body. “I’d like to take another walk.”
“Sure. That’s a great idea.” She approached the bed and lowered the rail. “And very ambitious of you. Most patients have to be dragged kicking and screaming out of their beds after surgery.”
“I don’t want to just lie around,” I told her. “I need to get back to work. Sooner would be better than later.”
She hooked her arm under my elbow as I swung my legs over the edge of the bed. “You must really enjoy your job.”
Even after getting shot? I asked myself. Was I crazy to want to get back on the street? What would happen the next time I pulled someone over in the rain? Would I even be able to get out of the car?
“I guess so.”
Again, my muscles felt weak and rubbery, but I was determined to be mobile again. I couldn’t let myself fall into a rut, or God forbid, mope around like a heartsick loser for six weeks.
“You’re scheduled for physio tomorrow,” Nurse Becky told me as we shuffled toward the door. “And you’re doing great. Just remember, even a healthy person would find it a challenge to walk after being asleep for five days.”
I wasn’t really in the mood for conversation, but I
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