to film school.
“A 'high concept' idea is one that any idiot can understand in one line. Three bachelors find a baby on their doorstep:
Three Men and a Baby.
A cop gets a new partner, and the guy turns out to be suicidal:
Lethal Weapon.
A bunch of middle-aged yuppies yearn tobe cowboys:
City Slickers.
A father shrinks his kids:
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
Notice a trend? Each one lets you know exactly what's going to happen before you set foot inside the theater.”
“And. that's what they want?”
'That's what they want. Mrs. Kornbluth in Duluth doesn't want to think—that's why she voted for Bush, remember? She wants to go to a movie she can trust. There can be blood, there can be death, there can be children burning in rice paddies—as long as she knows it's coming.”
“What about
sex, lies, and videotape?”
“A fluke. And it wouldn't have stood a chance without 'sex' in the title. Even so, the studios aren't looking to make those kinds of movies. That was a smash hit for what it was, and what did it pull in: twenty, thirty mil?”
“But it cost less than a million to make. That's what I'm offering them with
How I Won Her Back.
No chase scenes, a couple small special effects—if you did it at a major studio, it might cost three million at most. And it's a love story. Everybody loves a love story.”
“If it's original.”
“Mine's not original?”
“You did a good job. That's why I called you in.”
“But it's not original?”
“It's okay,”
“What's not original? I want to know.” He rolled his eyes and I said, “Seriously, I want to know.”
“All right. For instance, the opening—where he wakes up in the apartment with the beer cans everywhere, pizza in the bathtub, the alarm clock going off—you got that from watching too much TV.”
“He lost the love of his life. He'd been on a bender.”
“Yeah, and I've seen it a million times. I'm just saying there are fresher ways of showing a guy who's down and out.”
“It's not fresh?”
“Could be hipper.”
“Is it bad?”
“Not bad, just a little bland.”
“What do you mean, 'bland'? You mean boring?”
“I mean
bland.
Blandsville, Bland City, Blandarama, George Blanda.”
“Okay, I'll rework the beginning. I like that. That was a good note. So what else is wrong?”
“It's not so much that there's anything wrong, Henry, it's just that there's not enough set pieces.”
I kept a straight face and nodded, and then I thought, the hell with it and asked what a set piece was.
“A humorous situation or interesting scene, like for instance in
Lethal Weapon
when they put Mel Gibson on top of that building with the suicidal guy. That's a nice set piece.”
“But this isn't
Lethal Weapon
, it's a love story.”
“And that's why I can't sell it.”
“Okay, I'll come up with a few more set pieces. I'll add another layer—a subplot or something.”
“You're missing the point. That's not the problem.”
“Well, what's the problem?”
Levine took aim at his basket again and missed.
“What's the problem?” I repeated.
“The problem is this, man: Nobody gives a big ratfuck about how you won her back.”
“It's not
me”
Levine sat back at his desk, annoyed now. “I know that. I was just making a point. Stop being so sensitive. If you want to make it in this town, you've got to stop being sensitive. Look, Henry, if you want to try and raise your own money and do the thing yourself, you might be able to get it done. But I'm telling you as an agent who knows this business inside and out, the studios are not looking for this kind of complicated human relations bullshit—no offense—not this year anyway. Like I said, they want a movie they can understand in one line.”
“But you can understand mine in one line. The guy's trying to win her back.”
“That's not as clear as you think.”
“No?”
“No. It takes off in a direction I didn't expect. Like that … that God scene. What the hell is
“A 'high concept' idea is one that any idiot can understand in one line. Three bachelors find a baby on their doorstep:
Three Men and a Baby.
A cop gets a new partner, and the guy turns out to be suicidal:
Lethal Weapon.
A bunch of middle-aged yuppies yearn tobe cowboys:
City Slickers.
A father shrinks his kids:
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
Notice a trend? Each one lets you know exactly what's going to happen before you set foot inside the theater.”
“And. that's what they want?”
'That's what they want. Mrs. Kornbluth in Duluth doesn't want to think—that's why she voted for Bush, remember? She wants to go to a movie she can trust. There can be blood, there can be death, there can be children burning in rice paddies—as long as she knows it's coming.”
“What about
sex, lies, and videotape?”
“A fluke. And it wouldn't have stood a chance without 'sex' in the title. Even so, the studios aren't looking to make those kinds of movies. That was a smash hit for what it was, and what did it pull in: twenty, thirty mil?”
“But it cost less than a million to make. That's what I'm offering them with
How I Won Her Back.
No chase scenes, a couple small special effects—if you did it at a major studio, it might cost three million at most. And it's a love story. Everybody loves a love story.”
“If it's original.”
“Mine's not original?”
“You did a good job. That's why I called you in.”
“But it's not original?”
“It's okay,”
“What's not original? I want to know.” He rolled his eyes and I said, “Seriously, I want to know.”
“All right. For instance, the opening—where he wakes up in the apartment with the beer cans everywhere, pizza in the bathtub, the alarm clock going off—you got that from watching too much TV.”
“He lost the love of his life. He'd been on a bender.”
“Yeah, and I've seen it a million times. I'm just saying there are fresher ways of showing a guy who's down and out.”
“It's not fresh?”
“Could be hipper.”
“Is it bad?”
“Not bad, just a little bland.”
“What do you mean, 'bland'? You mean boring?”
“I mean
bland.
Blandsville, Bland City, Blandarama, George Blanda.”
“Okay, I'll rework the beginning. I like that. That was a good note. So what else is wrong?”
“It's not so much that there's anything wrong, Henry, it's just that there's not enough set pieces.”
I kept a straight face and nodded, and then I thought, the hell with it and asked what a set piece was.
“A humorous situation or interesting scene, like for instance in
Lethal Weapon
when they put Mel Gibson on top of that building with the suicidal guy. That's a nice set piece.”
“But this isn't
Lethal Weapon
, it's a love story.”
“And that's why I can't sell it.”
“Okay, I'll come up with a few more set pieces. I'll add another layer—a subplot or something.”
“You're missing the point. That's not the problem.”
“Well, what's the problem?”
Levine took aim at his basket again and missed.
“What's the problem?” I repeated.
“The problem is this, man: Nobody gives a big ratfuck about how you won her back.”
“It's not
me”
Levine sat back at his desk, annoyed now. “I know that. I was just making a point. Stop being so sensitive. If you want to make it in this town, you've got to stop being sensitive. Look, Henry, if you want to try and raise your own money and do the thing yourself, you might be able to get it done. But I'm telling you as an agent who knows this business inside and out, the studios are not looking for this kind of complicated human relations bullshit—no offense—not this year anyway. Like I said, they want a movie they can understand in one line.”
“But you can understand mine in one line. The guy's trying to win her back.”
“That's not as clear as you think.”
“No?”
“No. It takes off in a direction I didn't expect. Like that … that God scene. What the hell is
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