and put my hands in my pockets.
I joined him in leaning over the barriers. To our left, the two North Sea Ferries were preparing for their outward voyages. ‘Remember the ferries that went from here?’ I said.
‘I can remember going out on them.’
I did, too. Before the Humber Bridge was built, the ferry was the easiest way to reach the south bank. Our dad would take us over every other month or so when he went to see a former rugby team mate who lived in Grimsby.
‘You always used to run up the stairs to the main deck while dad was parking his car up,’ Niall said.
‘You always thought you were too cool for that kind of thing.’
‘I was.’
I laughed. I would have been about ten years old. I could still smell the boats. I’d never travelled well on them. Sometimes they had simply stopped halfway across the Humber, stuck on a sandbank. There was nothing you could do but wait it out.
‘I’m in pieces, Joe. Ruth is so angry with me, especially because she knows I’m shutting her out of something. Connor’s tiptoeing around, but at least he’s old enough to sort himself out.’
‘I’m doing my best,’ I said. I risked a glance across to him and decided to tell him the truth. ‘The cigarettes belonged to George Sutherland.’ I outlined what I knew about the man. ‘If I had the money, I’d give it to you.’
Niall shook his head. ‘It’s not your problem.’
‘I’ve given the money I got from Debbie’s life insurance policy to her sister. She needs it for a house move. I told her to pay me back when it all goes through.’ I hadn’t expected to need it back any time soon. It had sat in a bank account for several years now, untouched until recently.
‘I wouldn’t have taken your money, anyway. It wouldn’t be right,’ Niall said.
‘It’d be a solution.’
We continued to stare at the water until he stretched and walked over to the far corner of the pier. I followed him.
‘I always envied your freedom,’ he said. ‘Still do, I suppose.’
‘I’ve not got anything you’d want.’
‘You’ve always been your own man. I’ve always chased my tail, trying to make other people happy.’
‘That’s not true.’
‘That’s how it feels.’
‘I’ve always envied you,’ I said. ‘You’ve got things worked out.’
He laughed. ‘You reckon?’
‘Apart from the cigarettes, obviously.’
We both turned our backs on the water. Niall spoke first. ‘You definitely had it all worked out. Remember how proud Mum and Dad were at your wedding? Mum in that blue dress and Dad in his best suit?’
‘His only suit.’
‘He was just as proud at your wedding.’
I’d like to think so. It was a lifetime ago now. I could still remember the three of us throwing a rugby ball around on the field behind his pub. My mum would bring us drinks out and drag him back to work at the bar. A blast of wind snapped us back into our conversation.
‘How’s Sarah?’ my brother asked me.
I thought about telling him what was happening, but decided to say nothing more than she was fine. As Niall had told me, he wasn’t cut out for this kind of thing. He didn’t need to know.
Niall told me he wanted to put in a couple more hours at the bar. It opened tomorrow night. We started to walk back down the pier toward our cars. Niall unlocked his and went to get in. He stopped halfway and thanked me. ‘I needed to talk to someone.’
I nodded. ‘It’s what little brothers are for.’ We embraced and I told him to look after himself.
‘All I want is a quiet life, Joe.’
‘Don’t we all?’
He got in his car and opened the window. ‘What are you going to do when this is over?’
It was a good question. I shrugged and walked away towards my car.
I watched my brother drive away before calling Connor. ‘I need a word,’ I said when he answered. ‘Where are you?’
‘Home?’
‘Is your mum in?’
‘No.’
‘Put the kettle on, then.’ I put my mobile back in my pocket and got in to
I joined him in leaning over the barriers. To our left, the two North Sea Ferries were preparing for their outward voyages. ‘Remember the ferries that went from here?’ I said.
‘I can remember going out on them.’
I did, too. Before the Humber Bridge was built, the ferry was the easiest way to reach the south bank. Our dad would take us over every other month or so when he went to see a former rugby team mate who lived in Grimsby.
‘You always used to run up the stairs to the main deck while dad was parking his car up,’ Niall said.
‘You always thought you were too cool for that kind of thing.’
‘I was.’
I laughed. I would have been about ten years old. I could still smell the boats. I’d never travelled well on them. Sometimes they had simply stopped halfway across the Humber, stuck on a sandbank. There was nothing you could do but wait it out.
‘I’m in pieces, Joe. Ruth is so angry with me, especially because she knows I’m shutting her out of something. Connor’s tiptoeing around, but at least he’s old enough to sort himself out.’
‘I’m doing my best,’ I said. I risked a glance across to him and decided to tell him the truth. ‘The cigarettes belonged to George Sutherland.’ I outlined what I knew about the man. ‘If I had the money, I’d give it to you.’
Niall shook his head. ‘It’s not your problem.’
‘I’ve given the money I got from Debbie’s life insurance policy to her sister. She needs it for a house move. I told her to pay me back when it all goes through.’ I hadn’t expected to need it back any time soon. It had sat in a bank account for several years now, untouched until recently.
‘I wouldn’t have taken your money, anyway. It wouldn’t be right,’ Niall said.
‘It’d be a solution.’
We continued to stare at the water until he stretched and walked over to the far corner of the pier. I followed him.
‘I always envied your freedom,’ he said. ‘Still do, I suppose.’
‘I’ve not got anything you’d want.’
‘You’ve always been your own man. I’ve always chased my tail, trying to make other people happy.’
‘That’s not true.’
‘That’s how it feels.’
‘I’ve always envied you,’ I said. ‘You’ve got things worked out.’
He laughed. ‘You reckon?’
‘Apart from the cigarettes, obviously.’
We both turned our backs on the water. Niall spoke first. ‘You definitely had it all worked out. Remember how proud Mum and Dad were at your wedding? Mum in that blue dress and Dad in his best suit?’
‘His only suit.’
‘He was just as proud at your wedding.’
I’d like to think so. It was a lifetime ago now. I could still remember the three of us throwing a rugby ball around on the field behind his pub. My mum would bring us drinks out and drag him back to work at the bar. A blast of wind snapped us back into our conversation.
‘How’s Sarah?’ my brother asked me.
I thought about telling him what was happening, but decided to say nothing more than she was fine. As Niall had told me, he wasn’t cut out for this kind of thing. He didn’t need to know.
Niall told me he wanted to put in a couple more hours at the bar. It opened tomorrow night. We started to walk back down the pier toward our cars. Niall unlocked his and went to get in. He stopped halfway and thanked me. ‘I needed to talk to someone.’
I nodded. ‘It’s what little brothers are for.’ We embraced and I told him to look after himself.
‘All I want is a quiet life, Joe.’
‘Don’t we all?’
He got in his car and opened the window. ‘What are you going to do when this is over?’
It was a good question. I shrugged and walked away towards my car.
I watched my brother drive away before calling Connor. ‘I need a word,’ I said when he answered. ‘Where are you?’
‘Home?’
‘Is your mum in?’
‘No.’
‘Put the kettle on, then.’ I put my mobile back in my pocket and got in to
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