her. He walked to the edge of the path and faced the dark woods.
She
followed him. “You know what, Owen? This isn’t about the business going under
or the collection calls or us almost getting killed tonight.” She wasn’t
yelling, yet her voice was firm. “It’s about our marriage and our future. And
the fact that you’ve always got some excuse to walk away from it.”
“Don’t
start with me, Rayanne. Not right now.” He kicked the tire iron on the ground
and walked away, toward the front of the truck.
She
tagged behind him. “Our marriage has serious issues, and you refuse to deal
with what’s going on.”
“I’m
not the one who cut my wrists.” He spoke with his head down toward the tire, as
if he were studying it.
Rayanne
stiffened. “What did you say?”
“Don’t
say I refuse to deal with what’s going on.” He wouldn’t look at her. “You’re
the one you can’t get past it. Ever since—”
“Don’t
you dare say another word. Not another word.”
“Why,
Rayanne? This didn’t happen to just you.”
Clearly,
this confrontation had pushed him over the edge and he jumped up, shaking his
fist and leaning toward her. He acted like he wanted to strangle her. Instead
he turned and screamed and threw his phone into the woods. It smashed against a
large oak tree nearby.
“I
miss him too!” he screamed.
The
sound quieted the crickets. They both stood in the dark, listening to the
silence, before Owen turned around. Rayanne stared at the mark on the tree
where the phone had hit it.
“Are
you happy?” she asked. “We can’t afford a new phone right n—”
“You’re
not the only one hurting,” he said, talking over her.
“What
are you going to do without a phone? What if a prospective employer calls you?”
He
wasn’t listening. “You shut me out, Rayanne. You shut down and shut me out.”
“We
can barely cover rent and electric and water and cable,” she said, oblivious to
his rant. “Now we’re going to have to buy a new phone.”
“I
gave you space, Rayanne. So what do you want me to do? Leave?”
Rayanne
paused, studying him a moment. “No, of course not.”
“Then
what? What do you want?”
“I’m
not ready.” Her eyes teared up again. Not so much from sadness as simply saying
the things she had wanted to say for so long. “I can’t. Not yet.”
This
made him laugh. “Well, you let me know when you’re ready then.”
“It’s
not like that.”
“Really?”
he asked. “Or are you waiting for the next weekend Darryl and I are registered
for a $100,000 bass tournament.”
“This
had nothing to do with that.”
“There’s
fifty-one other weekends we could’ve done this, and you insist on commandeering
the one weekend that—”
“Stop
it.” Rayanne turned on her heel and rushed away from him, to the rear of the
truck. “You and Darryl. You and Darryl. If I never hear Darryl’s name again for
the rest of my life, it will be too soon.”
“Get
used to it because he’s clearly all the family I have left.”
“Great.
Then he can put up with your bad mood.” Rayanne acknowledged the insolence with
a darting, hateful glance. “Just change the damn tire and let’s get out of
here.”
She
climbed into the truck and slammed the passenger door. It took him half an hour
to change the tire. When he returned to the cab, Rayanne handed him a bottle of
water.
“Thank
you,” he said, and they drove in silence back to Willow.
9
Rayanne
opened her eyes at first light. She was aware that she had dreamed again.
Cowering in the corner of two block walls, she found her arms wrapped tightly
in a straightjacket. She was fighting to free herself. She didn’t want to be
back in the solitaire room. She was better now. She had to get out. She twisted
her head, searching for a way. There was light above, from a single window,
where a white bird was fluttering. It struck the glass. Rayanne shook the vague
images from her mind and sat up in bed.
She
followed him. “You know what, Owen? This isn’t about the business going under
or the collection calls or us almost getting killed tonight.” She wasn’t
yelling, yet her voice was firm. “It’s about our marriage and our future. And
the fact that you’ve always got some excuse to walk away from it.”
“Don’t
start with me, Rayanne. Not right now.” He kicked the tire iron on the ground
and walked away, toward the front of the truck.
She
tagged behind him. “Our marriage has serious issues, and you refuse to deal
with what’s going on.”
“I’m
not the one who cut my wrists.” He spoke with his head down toward the tire, as
if he were studying it.
Rayanne
stiffened. “What did you say?”
“Don’t
say I refuse to deal with what’s going on.” He wouldn’t look at her. “You’re
the one you can’t get past it. Ever since—”
“Don’t
you dare say another word. Not another word.”
“Why,
Rayanne? This didn’t happen to just you.”
Clearly,
this confrontation had pushed him over the edge and he jumped up, shaking his
fist and leaning toward her. He acted like he wanted to strangle her. Instead
he turned and screamed and threw his phone into the woods. It smashed against a
large oak tree nearby.
“I
miss him too!” he screamed.
The
sound quieted the crickets. They both stood in the dark, listening to the
silence, before Owen turned around. Rayanne stared at the mark on the tree
where the phone had hit it.
“Are
you happy?” she asked. “We can’t afford a new phone right n—”
“You’re
not the only one hurting,” he said, talking over her.
“What
are you going to do without a phone? What if a prospective employer calls you?”
He
wasn’t listening. “You shut me out, Rayanne. You shut down and shut me out.”
“We
can barely cover rent and electric and water and cable,” she said, oblivious to
his rant. “Now we’re going to have to buy a new phone.”
“I
gave you space, Rayanne. So what do you want me to do? Leave?”
Rayanne
paused, studying him a moment. “No, of course not.”
“Then
what? What do you want?”
“I’m
not ready.” Her eyes teared up again. Not so much from sadness as simply saying
the things she had wanted to say for so long. “I can’t. Not yet.”
This
made him laugh. “Well, you let me know when you’re ready then.”
“It’s
not like that.”
“Really?”
he asked. “Or are you waiting for the next weekend Darryl and I are registered
for a $100,000 bass tournament.”
“This
had nothing to do with that.”
“There’s
fifty-one other weekends we could’ve done this, and you insist on commandeering
the one weekend that—”
“Stop
it.” Rayanne turned on her heel and rushed away from him, to the rear of the
truck. “You and Darryl. You and Darryl. If I never hear Darryl’s name again for
the rest of my life, it will be too soon.”
“Get
used to it because he’s clearly all the family I have left.”
“Great.
Then he can put up with your bad mood.” Rayanne acknowledged the insolence with
a darting, hateful glance. “Just change the damn tire and let’s get out of
here.”
She
climbed into the truck and slammed the passenger door. It took him half an hour
to change the tire. When he returned to the cab, Rayanne handed him a bottle of
water.
“Thank
you,” he said, and they drove in silence back to Willow.
9
Rayanne
opened her eyes at first light. She was aware that she had dreamed again.
Cowering in the corner of two block walls, she found her arms wrapped tightly
in a straightjacket. She was fighting to free herself. She didn’t want to be
back in the solitaire room. She was better now. She had to get out. She twisted
her head, searching for a way. There was light above, from a single window,
where a white bird was fluttering. It struck the glass. Rayanne shook the vague
images from her mind and sat up in bed.
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