alone.
The schoolhouse was deathly quiet. I could still smell the oak coffin which had stood on trestles in our sitting-room until that morning.
The room seemed empty now. There was nothing but emptiness everywhere in the house, and in my heart no less, I went to my bedroom and lay on my bed and thought of :
her and how we had laughed and planned together; and how her great relief had been that when she was gone I should have the school-until later when she had made up her mind that Joel Derringham wanted to marry me and had been elated ‘:
contemplating a brilliant and secure future. I The rest of the day I lay there alone with my grief. ;
I had slept at length for I was quite exhausted and the next day when I arose I felt a little rested. The future stared me blankly in the face for I could not imagine it without her. I supposed I should continue with the school as she had always intended that I should until. I shook off thoughts of Joel Derringham. I liked him, of course, but even if he asked me to marry him I was not sure that I wanted to. What had alarmed me about my friendship with Joel was the knowledge that my mother was going to be heartbroken when it would finally be brought home to her that I could not marry him.
The Derringhams would never allow it even if Joel and I wished it.
Margot had told me he had been intended for her and that would be a suitable match. At least my dearest mother would not have to suffer that disappointment.
What should I do? I had to go on with my life. I should therefore continue with the school. I had the contents of the dower chest which was in her bedroom. That chest had belonged to her great-great-grandmother and had come down through the eldest daughters of the family. Money was put into it from the day a girl was born so that there would be a good sum by the time she was marriageable. The key was kept on the chain which my mother had worn about her waist and that chat elaine had also been handed down through the women of the household with the chest.
I found the key and opened the chest.
There were but five guineas there.
I was amazed because I had believed I should find at least a hundred.
Then the truth which I should have realized before dawned on me. Of course, the horse! The riding outfit!
Later I also found lengths of material in her cupboard, and when Jilly Barton came with a velvet gown which she had made for me, I knew what had happened.
The dower had been spent to buy clothes for me that I might show myself to be a worthy partner for Joel Derringham.
I awoke on the first Christmas Day alone to a sense of great desolation. I lay in bed unwisely remembering other Christmases when my mother had come into my room carrying mysterious parcels, calling out: “Merry Christmas, my darling!” and how I would reach out for my gifts to her and the fun we had scattering wrappings over the bed and exclaiming with surprise (often assumed because we were always practical in our choice of gifts). But when we declared, as we often did,
“It’s exactly what I wanted!” it invariably was, as we knew each.
other’s needs to perfection. Now here I was alone. It had been too sudden. If she had been ill for some time I could have grown accustomed to the knowledge that I had to lose her and perhaps that would have softened the blow. She had not been old. I railed against the cruel fate which had deprived me of the one I loved.
Then I seemed to hear her voice admonishing me. I had to go on living.
I had to make a success of my life and I should never do that if I gave myself up to bitterness.
Grief is always so much harder to bear on feast days and the reason is self-pity. That sounded like my mother’s reasoning. Because other people were enjoying life that should not make one more miserable.
I arose and dressed. I had been invited to spend the day at the Mansers who farmed some of the Derringham estates. My mother and I had spent Christmas with them for several years
The schoolhouse was deathly quiet. I could still smell the oak coffin which had stood on trestles in our sitting-room until that morning.
The room seemed empty now. There was nothing but emptiness everywhere in the house, and in my heart no less, I went to my bedroom and lay on my bed and thought of :
her and how we had laughed and planned together; and how her great relief had been that when she was gone I should have the school-until later when she had made up her mind that Joel Derringham wanted to marry me and had been elated ‘:
contemplating a brilliant and secure future. I The rest of the day I lay there alone with my grief. ;
I had slept at length for I was quite exhausted and the next day when I arose I felt a little rested. The future stared me blankly in the face for I could not imagine it without her. I supposed I should continue with the school as she had always intended that I should until. I shook off thoughts of Joel Derringham. I liked him, of course, but even if he asked me to marry him I was not sure that I wanted to. What had alarmed me about my friendship with Joel was the knowledge that my mother was going to be heartbroken when it would finally be brought home to her that I could not marry him.
The Derringhams would never allow it even if Joel and I wished it.
Margot had told me he had been intended for her and that would be a suitable match. At least my dearest mother would not have to suffer that disappointment.
What should I do? I had to go on with my life. I should therefore continue with the school. I had the contents of the dower chest which was in her bedroom. That chest had belonged to her great-great-grandmother and had come down through the eldest daughters of the family. Money was put into it from the day a girl was born so that there would be a good sum by the time she was marriageable. The key was kept on the chain which my mother had worn about her waist and that chat elaine had also been handed down through the women of the household with the chest.
I found the key and opened the chest.
There were but five guineas there.
I was amazed because I had believed I should find at least a hundred.
Then the truth which I should have realized before dawned on me. Of course, the horse! The riding outfit!
Later I also found lengths of material in her cupboard, and when Jilly Barton came with a velvet gown which she had made for me, I knew what had happened.
The dower had been spent to buy clothes for me that I might show myself to be a worthy partner for Joel Derringham.
I awoke on the first Christmas Day alone to a sense of great desolation. I lay in bed unwisely remembering other Christmases when my mother had come into my room carrying mysterious parcels, calling out: “Merry Christmas, my darling!” and how I would reach out for my gifts to her and the fun we had scattering wrappings over the bed and exclaiming with surprise (often assumed because we were always practical in our choice of gifts). But when we declared, as we often did,
“It’s exactly what I wanted!” it invariably was, as we knew each.
other’s needs to perfection. Now here I was alone. It had been too sudden. If she had been ill for some time I could have grown accustomed to the knowledge that I had to lose her and perhaps that would have softened the blow. She had not been old. I railed against the cruel fate which had deprived me of the one I loved.
Then I seemed to hear her voice admonishing me. I had to go on living.
I had to make a success of my life and I should never do that if I gave myself up to bitterness.
Grief is always so much harder to bear on feast days and the reason is self-pity. That sounded like my mother’s reasoning. Because other people were enjoying life that should not make one more miserable.
I arose and dressed. I had been invited to spend the day at the Mansers who farmed some of the Derringham estates. My mother and I had spent Christmas with them for several years
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