The End or Something Like That by Ann Dee Ellis Page B

stale, and she kept playing with her T-shirt with a tiger on it that she got at Forever 21 because I was there sitting in the dressing room with her and Kim and she’d said, do you think I should get the tiger or the lion and Kim said tiger and I said lion.
    She kept playing with her tiger shirt. Wadding it up and then letting it go. Her bones were small. Like a bird. I hadn’t noticed before. I hadn’t noticed a lot of things before.
    I pulled the ribbon off and then opened the box.
    Inside was a pillowcase with a deer in a cluster of trees embroidered on it.
    â€œIt’s the deer from the story,” she said.
    I stared at it
    â€œYou know,” she said, “from the funeral?
    The deer from the funeral.
    â€œOh,” I said.
    â€œI made it myself,” she said. “I mean, my mom helped me. But I did most of it. That’s why his nose is sort of screwed up.”
    I looked at her.
    â€œIt’s stupid,” she said.
    I didn’t say anything.
    â€œIt’s pretty stupid,” she said.
    The deer had a halo on it.
    â€œAnyway,” she said, “you can just throw it away.”
    I still didn’t say anything because I didn’t know what to say.
    So then she said, “Are you going to that party Samantha is having?”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œThat party,” she said.
    â€œWhat party?”
    She said, “You know. We were all going to go.”
    â€¢
    Once upon a time me and Kim and Gabby were going to go to some party at Samantha Ryland’s house that she had every year, and I didn’t want to go but it was always so huge and tons of high school people would probably be there and it was going to be A Mazzzzzzing.
    I said, “No.”
    Kim said, “Maybe we should.”
    Gabby said, “Everyone’s going to be there.”
    Kim looked at me.
    â€œWe’ll do makeovers and look really hot and it’s going to be so fun,” Gabby said.
    â€œWe should go,” Kim said again.
    And I said, “Okay.”
    â€¢
    But that was five thousand years ago but really a month and Kim was in an Altoids box now and Gabby said, “I think we should still go.”
    â€¢
    I felt everything inside me tense up.
    â€œYou want to go to a party?” I said.
    â€œNo,” she said. “I am going to a party and I think you should go with me.”
    I sat there.
    She stood there.
    â€œEmmy. Do you want to go?”
    â€œNo.”
    â€œYou don’t?”
    â€œNo.”
    â€œYou should.”
    â€œNo.”
    She stared at me. “Everyone is sad, Emmy.”
    I said, “Good one.”
    She bit her lip and then turned around and left.

• 27 •
    There were a lot of things I could do. There were a lot of choices I could make.
    And then there were some I couldn’t make.
    Like when I was standing at the podium at Ms. Dead Homeyer’s funeral and she walked across the room, past her dead body and right up to my face where she almost kissed my cheek but instead said, “Hi, Sugar.”
    â€œHi,” I whispered.
    She had never called me Sugar in real life. Not in a million years times a thousand. She seemed much more cheery now that she was dead.
    She smelled like Mountain Dew and stale perfume, which might be how death smells or maybe just Ms. Dead Homeyer. I couldn’t be sure.
    She smiled. Then she said, “They can’t see me.”
    â€œWhat?” I said.
    â€œThey can’t see me. You’re looking at nothing right now.”
    And then I realized, I realized what she was saying, and it was true everyone was staring at me like I was crazy. I was crazy.
    She said, “Just perk up and say what I say.”
    My heart was thumping. Just perk up and say what I say?
    She cleared her throat and then she started speaking into my ear.
    â€œTell them I used to dance on the weekends,” she said.
    I looked at her. “What?”
    â€œDon’t talk to me, honey.”