The Eternal Philistine by Odon Von Horvath Page B

trains.
    The Karwendel is one mighty massif. Its magnificent high valleys undoubtedly number among the most barren stretches in the Alps. Starting at the brittle ridges, magnificent heaps of scree often extend all the way down to the bottom of the valley and then converge with the debris from the other side. At the same time, there is almost no water anywhere and hence hardly any life. In 1928 it was declared a nature reserve so that it could remain unspoiled.
    And so the express train rolled past tremendous abysses and through many, many tunnels and over boldly constructed viaducts. Kobler now caught sight of a filthy cloud of haze hanging over the Inn Valley. Underneath this cloud of haze was Innsbruck, the capital of the holy land of Tyrol.
    Kobler did not know anything about the city except that it had a famous golden roof, reasonably priced Tyrolean wine, and that travelers approaching the city from the west could see several large brothels on the left-hand side. Count Blanquez had once explained this to him.
    He had to change trains in Innsbruck, switching to the express train bound for Bologna. The express train was coming from Kufstein and was late. “The Austrians are just a very cozy people,” thought Kobler. The express train finally arrived.
    Until Steinach am Brenner—that is, almost right up to the new Italian border, that is, for scarcely fifteen minutes—Kobler shared a compartment with a Hofrat, a privy councilor from the Old Austrian empire, and a so-called man on the street, who really sucked up to him because he was seeking his patronage. This man was an unprincipled foreman who had joined the
Heimwehr
, an Austrian variant of the Italian fascist organization, so that he could cheat his colleagues more efficiently. His managing engineer was, you see, a
Gauleiter
of the
Heimwehr
.
    The Hofrat wore an old-fashioned golden pince-nez and had a deceitful look about him. He had a very smart appearance—and, indeed, he seemed to be an altogether very vain man because he chattered incessantly just so he could hear the other man’s approval.
    The express train had turned away from Innsbruck and was already heading through the Bergisel Tunnel.
    “It’s dark now,” said the Hofrat.
    “Very dark,” said the man.
    “It’s gotten so dark because we’re driving through the tunnel,” said the Hofrat.
    “Maybe it’ll get even darker,” said the man.
    “Gadzooks, it sure is dark!” yelled the Hofrat.
    “Gadzooks!” yelled the man.
    The Austrians are a very cozy people.
    “Hopefully the Lord will let me live to see the day when all the pinkos are hanged,” said the Hofrat.
    “Just put your faith in the man upstairs,” said the man.
    “Bergisel is right over us now,” said the Hofrat.
    “Andreas Hofer,” said the man, and then added, “The Jews are getting too uppity.”
    The Hofrat’s dentures were chattering.
    “They’ve simply got to toss that Halsmann into a cell—nothing but bread and water for him!” he squawked. “Who gives a crap whether or not that Jew bastard slayed his Jew-daddy! The prestige of the Austrian judiciary is at stake here—you can’t just let the Jews get away with everything!”
    “Just recently we roughed up a Jew,” said the man.
    “Ahh, is that right?” asked the Hofrat gleefully.
    “The Jew was by himself,” said the man, “and there were ten of us. Fists were flying—
Heimwehr
fists!”
    The Hofrat sniggered.
    “Yes, the
Heimwehr
!” he said.
    “Heil!”
shouted the man.
    “And Sieg!” said the Hofrat.
    “And death!” shouted the man.
    Kobler stepped out into the corridor just as the express train was leaving the Bergisel Tunnel. He could not bear to stay in there any longer; the nonstop blathering prevented him from thinking.
    And he needed to do some thinking—this being a need of sorts, such as if he urgently needed to relieve himself. You see, the Egyptian woman, the true aim of his trip, had suddenly popped into his head. He was shocked