night.”
“All right, man, I’ll try and fall by.”
“Do that, man, and now if you’ll excuse me, I have to make fifty more phone calls… .
“… hello? … hello, man, Horse Badorties here, man. Man, I’m sorry I didn’t get over to you with the tomato surprise, man, but dig, a very strange thing happened, man. I was walking in Van Cortlandt Park, man, and suddenly I saw this airplane overhead, man, running out of gas. The cat was circling low, man, looking for a place to land. I had to guide him in, man, for a forced landing, man, and it took quite a long time, which is why I’ll be late getting to your pad, man… .”
“… hello, man, listen, man, I’ve been having fantastically precognitive dreams lately, man, I am digging the future every night, and last night I had a definite signal, man, that the flying saucers are about to land. That’s right, man, I wouldn’t kid you, and dig, man, I am getting everyone I know to come up to the roof of my pad, man, to watch the saucers land, as there is a possibility I’ll be carried away, man, into the sky and taken to another planet… .”
Chapter 12
Commodore Schmuck on the Water
It is morning, man, the sun is coming up along First Avenue into the phone booth. I have done it, man. I have spent another entire night in a phone booth, making calls as numerous as the sands of the Ganges. I seem to remember setting up a perfect carrot deal, man, if only I can figure it out. And now, man, to get out of this phone booth, into the Bardo of Rebirth, man. The door is stuck, man. I am trapped in my booth.
Here comes a lone figure down the street, man, coming out of the gray light of morning. It is the saxophone player, man, carrying his ax, on the way home from a gig. I am banging on the door, man, and here he comes, man, to the rescue, kicking open the booth.
“How’s it going, Horse?”
“Help me, man, I’ve been all night in this phone booth, man, I need oxygen and a hot dog for breakfast. I’ve seen the truth, man. I’ve got to buy an armored United States Treasury Department truck. Let’s go, man, up the street, and get a cup of coffee.”
“I’ve got to get some
zzzzzz’s
, Horse. I’ll catch you later.”
“Right, man, take it easy. I’ll see you at rehearsal tonight.”
I have got to get some
zzzzz’s
myself, man. But not back at my pad, man. That four flights of stairs, man, would kill me. And besides, man, I have to visit NBC today and alert them about the Love Concert. So I will go to Central Park, man, and sleep in the grass and then, later on, walk over to NBC. A perfect plan, man.
But first, man, I must go immediately to Barney’s Men’s Shop, man, and buy myself a new suit for my visit to NBC. It is essential, man, when dealing with high-level executives to look the part. "TAXI!"
Zooooooooom
Barney’s Men’s Shop, man, here I am, looking through the suits. I’d better find one that’s marked down, man, as I used my last rubber check on that motherfucking school bus. Here is a beautiful suit, man, for $185. It’s my size, too, man. The only thing that is necessary now, man, is to remove from my satchel my special four-pointed, four-color ball-point pen and select the ink which matches this price tag. Then, man, by simply moving the decimal point over one place, and adding a zero to the end of the figure, I have found a suit that is marked down to
$18.50
“Yes sir, may I help you?”
“I’ll take this suit, man.”
“Yes sir, cash or charge?”
“Cash, man, I only came in for a pair of sock, but I couldn’t resist the cut of this suit. It will fit perfectly, man, and I am going to wear it out of the store.”
“Very good, sir.”
In the dressing room, man, changing out of my old in-shreds Horse Badorties suit and climbing into my in-perfect-condition-marked-down-for-special-sale Barney’s suit.
It looks terrific, man. Just what I need for NBC.
“Yes sir, that will be eighteen dollars and fifty cents, plus
“All right, man, I’ll try and fall by.”
“Do that, man, and now if you’ll excuse me, I have to make fifty more phone calls… .
“… hello? … hello, man, Horse Badorties here, man. Man, I’m sorry I didn’t get over to you with the tomato surprise, man, but dig, a very strange thing happened, man. I was walking in Van Cortlandt Park, man, and suddenly I saw this airplane overhead, man, running out of gas. The cat was circling low, man, looking for a place to land. I had to guide him in, man, for a forced landing, man, and it took quite a long time, which is why I’ll be late getting to your pad, man… .”
“… hello, man, listen, man, I’ve been having fantastically precognitive dreams lately, man, I am digging the future every night, and last night I had a definite signal, man, that the flying saucers are about to land. That’s right, man, I wouldn’t kid you, and dig, man, I am getting everyone I know to come up to the roof of my pad, man, to watch the saucers land, as there is a possibility I’ll be carried away, man, into the sky and taken to another planet… .”
Chapter 12
Commodore Schmuck on the Water
It is morning, man, the sun is coming up along First Avenue into the phone booth. I have done it, man. I have spent another entire night in a phone booth, making calls as numerous as the sands of the Ganges. I seem to remember setting up a perfect carrot deal, man, if only I can figure it out. And now, man, to get out of this phone booth, into the Bardo of Rebirth, man. The door is stuck, man. I am trapped in my booth.
Here comes a lone figure down the street, man, coming out of the gray light of morning. It is the saxophone player, man, carrying his ax, on the way home from a gig. I am banging on the door, man, and here he comes, man, to the rescue, kicking open the booth.
“How’s it going, Horse?”
“Help me, man, I’ve been all night in this phone booth, man, I need oxygen and a hot dog for breakfast. I’ve seen the truth, man. I’ve got to buy an armored United States Treasury Department truck. Let’s go, man, up the street, and get a cup of coffee.”
“I’ve got to get some
zzzzzz’s
, Horse. I’ll catch you later.”
“Right, man, take it easy. I’ll see you at rehearsal tonight.”
I have got to get some
zzzzz’s
myself, man. But not back at my pad, man. That four flights of stairs, man, would kill me. And besides, man, I have to visit NBC today and alert them about the Love Concert. So I will go to Central Park, man, and sleep in the grass and then, later on, walk over to NBC. A perfect plan, man.
But first, man, I must go immediately to Barney’s Men’s Shop, man, and buy myself a new suit for my visit to NBC. It is essential, man, when dealing with high-level executives to look the part. "TAXI!"
Zooooooooom
Barney’s Men’s Shop, man, here I am, looking through the suits. I’d better find one that’s marked down, man, as I used my last rubber check on that motherfucking school bus. Here is a beautiful suit, man, for $185. It’s my size, too, man. The only thing that is necessary now, man, is to remove from my satchel my special four-pointed, four-color ball-point pen and select the ink which matches this price tag. Then, man, by simply moving the decimal point over one place, and adding a zero to the end of the figure, I have found a suit that is marked down to
$18.50
“Yes sir, may I help you?”
“I’ll take this suit, man.”
“Yes sir, cash or charge?”
“Cash, man, I only came in for a pair of sock, but I couldn’t resist the cut of this suit. It will fit perfectly, man, and I am going to wear it out of the store.”
“Very good, sir.”
In the dressing room, man, changing out of my old in-shreds Horse Badorties suit and climbing into my in-perfect-condition-marked-down-for-special-sale Barney’s suit.
It looks terrific, man. Just what I need for NBC.
“Yes sir, that will be eighteen dollars and fifty cents, plus
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